Johan Page #2

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this evening I am a little sad

because of the little argument

we had in the visitors' room.

As you say, it's true, I am superficial

and I'm never interested

in other people.

Maybe it's narcissism

or something else.

I can't help it if the life I have led

until now made me like that.

I had to manage alone all the time,

and certainly I am

an awfully selfish person.

Philippe,

my position now

is very complicated.

I am at a turning point in my life.

Either I continue the stupid life

I have led until now

and surely

I go back to prison soon.

Or rather, what I want now, is to

choose a very different life

with somebody I respect.

But I need to be

with somebody who trust me.

I am trying to tell you who I am.

Until now the only important thing

for me was to live in luxury.

And I recognise

I did anything to achieve that.

Maybe I was too proud,

but thanks to my face and my body,

I thought I could get

everything in life.

Inevitably, I lost everything

and I found myself alone each time.

So, I disliked everybody

and I only met people in a self-

interested way to get the best.

No Johan

Don't be sorry.

I know, I am your only mirror.

But what I love in you is everything:

Your beauty,

your narcissism,

your lies and

the tattoo on your forehead.

If you had been

only a sex champion,

I would ha ve left you

as I did the others.

You talk to me about a new start,

a different love,

another friendship.

Is it necessary?

From the beginning

our relationship made me happy.

You know that when you leave jail

I'll be there for you

and if you want

we can start a new life together.

Johan,

I am glad you have cured me

of this need for cruising

that begins with a drink in

the Cafe de Flore

and finishes by a jerk off

in a public garden.

It becomes an obsession

never satisfied.

Thanks to you,

my obsession has changed;

now it's to feel you

again at my side.

My love affair before you

was Manolo in New York.

New York...

It is easy for a gay man

to discover a new town.

It is one of our advantages.

We meet people.

Gay bars, night clubs,

and finally the sauna

where I stayed 24 hours

until I was exhausted.

The most hidden of my desires

had been satisfied.

Later in the street, I met Manolo.

Tired of sex,

I was available for love.

We didn't leave each other.

The smells were like

in an African town.

He had a balcony

that overlooked Manhattan.

Why did you lea ve Cuba?

I left Cuba because

I had recited a poem

in a TV programme,

and I was arrested,

It was a poem about old people.

I was arrested, I had troubles

and fortunately I succeeded in

escaping and leaving the country.

They said it was against

the system?

Yes they did

but I didn't understand why.

And was it hard for homosexuals?

Yes, I have known some

homosexuals from Cuba

who were obliged to do

hard labour for seven years

to be able to leave the country.

If somebody discovers

that you are gay,

a neighbour for example,

he can inform on you.

And then it's written

on your identity card forever.

Manolo had been

a child star on Cuban TV.

Now he is free and a student.

The atmosphere is different today...

Houses, chimneys,

everything is different today,

because I told them you are here.

I was happy.

We drank Californian wine,

and in the evening,

the Empire state Building

lit up only for us.

We had such a good time.

At night, after a Broadway show,

he took me to a leather bar.

If you want to leave with

another boy, you can.

I don't want to oblige you

to sta y with me.

I don't want to own you.

I don't understand.

He told me that I could go with

another bo y if I wanted to;

he wanted me to make the most

of my holidays.

I played the free game.

I went awa y with a guy

who had a nice body.

The next day Manolo and I

were very sad

and we never left each other again.

Why did you tell me that?

It's stupid.

Some months later,

Manolo came to see me in Paris.

We went for diner in a restaurant.

You were there.

I looked at you and

we didn't stop watching each other.

It was finished with Manolo,

love had flown away

towards somebody else.

In the film we will shoot together,

we will reconstitute exactly

how we met,

to never forget it.

Have you an idea

of your part in the movie?

It's a little vague at the moment.

I represent a little your character.

One of your sides.

Which one?

Your dark side, the cruiser.

What is that?

You search in my pockets now?

It's poppers.

There is a pharmaceutical word.

Amyl Nitrite.

I brought it from London.

Sniff it once.

It liberates a lot people.

And this?

You surround the cock with this;

you fasten it.

This is for the balls,

one on the right,

one on the left.

And the cock is...

There.

Balls here.

And what does it do?

It helps to get a hard on,

and it's pleasant to wear.

And this?

It's a cock-ring.

It's nearly the same thing.

You put your cock inside,

the balls too and there it is.

It might stop the circulation!

Not at all.

I saw in New York boys

with rings through the nipples.

Do you want that?

No, I don't.

You know, I am not really into it;

neither am I out of it.

I am in the middle

and I prefer to stay a novice.

It's not necessary to go too far.

On the other hand, I have some

buddies who are very experienced.

Me, I look at all this from outside.

Good e vening.

It's nice to meet you.

Is that for me?

It's for Mother's Day.

You're so nice.

It's a pleasure for me.

They are so beautiful.

Good e vening.

How do you do?

Johan

On Mother's Day

I had lunch at my mother's.

You called me

and she invited you

to have a coffee with us.

You came ten minutes later

with a huge bunch of flowers.

Cut. It's good.

Philippe, do I get the role of Johan?

This poor Johan. I don't know

what to think about him.

I guess he has a lot of problems

in different ways.

He is a little e xhibitionist

in his behaviour,

his tattoo.

He is a little too much.

And you think he has problems?

I think so.

Maybe from his childhood.

And with him, we ne ver know when

he lies and when he tells the truth.

And, that has got him

where he is now.

Do you think I am right to go on

with such a relationship?

I don 't think

it will lead you anywhere.

You'll only get into trouble with him.

What?

He's not a good partner.

What sort of boy

would you like me to be with?

What a question...

First, somebody older.

It's not good to be

two young guys together.

That's my opinion.

I think one of them must be

a steadying influence

in such a relationship.

I think it's the same for women.

What do you think about

the film I am shooting now?

I think it's interesting

and it's fashionable.

Don't you think it helps

to liberate people?

Surely.

Anyway, nowadays

people are rather liberated.

Do you think so?

I do.

We had a lot of difficulties filming

boys in the Tuileries gardens.

They didn't want their mother

to know they were gay.

Oh, mother problems

is a different thing!

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