John Dies At The End Page #7

would lessen your discomfort.

Yes. A very nice touch.

Good! Come.

Gentlemen, welcome!

I think they were expecting us.

I like the little

touches though.

I suppose you are

wondering where you are.

I'm gonna guess we're in an

alternate universe of some kind.

Well, that is correct.

Tell me... what was it

like passing through?

I wasn't really

paying attention.

Yeah, it really wasn't

that great.

We have been awaiting

your coming.

We have worked very hard

for many years,

suffered many tragic

setbacks in an attempt

to find and communicate

with your world.

Your world, you see,

is a twin to our own,

dual offspring

born of the same litter.

Watch!

Up until this point,

our histories were identical.

There was a man named

Cyrus Rooney from Tennessee.

In your world,

he died at the age of 17,

gored to death while trying to

crossbreed a bull with a clydesdale.

In our world, the man survived.

Here, Cyrus Rooney was

a genius.

He continued to experiment

in what he called beastiology.

Yes. People from our South

are into that as well.

You see, by 1881

his group had

insectile flying machines.

In 1902 he created the first

primitive thinking machine

out of the brain of a pig.

You see, by your year 1922

we already had

self-feeding,

self-healing,

self-modifying computers.

In 1926

Mr. Rooney passed away.

And then something

miraculous happened

to the greatest

of his creations.

The very day Mr. Rooney

passed, it became sentient.

It gave a name unto itself

and expressed

desires and emotions.

And from that day forward, this astonishing

creature carried on Rooney's work

and conformed all living nature

to urge on the advancement

of mankind.

For some,

this process was easy.

Others required

re-education.

Watch!

Mama.

Ow! Ow!

No! Please!

No! Oh! Oh!

Oh my God!

To process the magnanimity

that is korrok

for your simpler minds,

we have translated

the following images

into a format that we think

that you will find

more familiar.

I believe in your world

they're called cartoons.

Mama!

Mama!

Mama!

- There are always those

- Who resist progress.

In our world

it is considered a crime.

On our world it's

considered a greater crime

to unleash killer spiders

on an unarmed crowd.

We call that arachnicide.

But what if you had

a thinking machine?

An entity so powerful

that it could foresee

the outcome of any action?

Follow me.

We are all very excited

that you could join us.

Are you thinking

what I'm thinking?

That if Franz kafka was here,

- his head would explode?

- Actually, yeah.

Gentlemen, you are

about to see something

very few others

have seen before you...

the ultimate manifestation

of Cyrus Rooney's creation.

Dave, John,

meet korrok.

I am korrok.

Welcome.

Your wiener is

even smaller in person.

What?

With a tiny change in your brain chemistry,

I could make you

a child molester.

- What do you want?

- Not big black c*cks,

so we don't have

that in common.

Get the f*** out of my head!

David Wong,

son of an insane prostitute

and a mentally-challenged

amway salesman.

There are worlds upon worlds,

- an infinity you cannot grasp.

- ...ln our world.

They will soon be

in your world too.

20 years ago

korrok foretold your coming.

He showed us the way

to your world.

We have never traveled

from our plane to yours.

But we have tried.

Oh, we have tried.

Dave, John,

your arrival here

is a new dawn.

You can show us the way to go

from our world to your own.

You see, in our world,

when someone is born

with special wisdom,

he shares it with korrok

so that korrok

could be greater.

Watch.

Ah! Ah!

Mmm, bacon!

We understand. We only

have the best intentions.

We have observed you

and will soon move

into your world

with astonishing speed,

so that you too can know the

beneficence that is korrok.

But first

we have to share your

knowledge with korrok.

Dave!

John!

No!

Door!

Aw, man.

You f***ed up

- the detonation sequence!

- Dave, John.

All of the human minds

who have ever lived in history,

all of your

thinkers and writers

and teachers and philosophers

could not equal even one node

of Korrok's neural web.

Our legions are ready

for the call.

And soon all of your turmoil...

and unrest and confusion

will vanish under

the soft hand of korrok.

Hmm?

Hmm?

Did Bark Lee just

sacrifice his life?

- Damn. That dog just saved the universe.

- Amy's gonna kill me.

We must hurry.

Move. Now!

Wait. If you could

cross over here so easily,

why didn't you just deliver

the freaking bomb? Why us?

We needed to send someone they

would consider totally innocuous...

completely unable to pose

a serious threat.

Besides, the dog

needed an escort.

Yes. Good thinking.

So Marconi saved the day.

Huh.

- Korrok still exists?

- From our world,

it's hard to really

know for sure.

But it's no secret that there's

still strange stuff

going down in this town.

What about the girl, Amy?

What happened to her?

Amy wasn't too happy

about her dog.

The soy sauce that the

dog ingested when he bit

the Jamaican guy allowed Bark

Lee to psychically connect

with north and Marconi.

So the dog knew

what had to be done

and was willing to make

the ultimate sacrifice.

As to Amy...

She's been my girlfriend

ever since.

I got her out of town though.

She's upstate at college.

Got a 3.7 GPA.

Good for her.

And John?

What, uh... what happened to him?

He survived too?

We shoot hoops a lot...

whenever we're not

too busy with, uh, work.

What the hell, Mr. Wong.

I say we just

go public with it,

with your story.

But just telling our story,

that's not going to do sh*t.

The testimony of two nutjobs...

that's just going to get us lumped

in with all the roswell losers.

Ah, I see. Okay.

So what do you wanna do?

We show them this...

a physical piece of evidence.

I'm thinking if you can get

this in the hands of someone,

like a...

like a lab or something.

Yeah. Yeah.

Someone with

an electron microscope.

Right?

'Cause I'm thinking

whoever takes the first close

look at your soy sauce

is gonna have

a brown stain down

the bottom of his lab coat

a second later.

Yes!

Make that the story.

Hell, let 'em see

the effects themselves.

Just feed that sh*t to a lab

rat and watch the fun begin...

watch that thing start

levitating and speaking French!

And you're... you're willing to risk everything?

Your life, your family?

Because, I mean,

best case scenario,

your career as a journalist

is gonna be over

because this is all anyone's

ever gonna remember you for.

And don't forget that there

may be people out there...

real people...

who don't want this out.

Oh sh*t.

Come on, Wong.

I've been around.

Wong, I've been around.

My first year out

of journalism school,

I got knocked cold covering devil's

night for the "Detroit tribune."

That was 1984.

I woke up with my camera

busted on the pavement,

blood running down my shirt,

a big fat cop standing over me

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