Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie Page #6

Season #2 Episode #1

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Jonah runs face first into giant map of middle east, posted next to a merchant's booth advertising cruise tickets.

cut TO:

ext - day. dockside.

The merchant is SCOOTER. He has a small booth right at the edge of the dock. He sells tickets for cruises out of this small port. There are several ships docked behind him, one of which belongs to the Pirates.

scooter

Sorry, sir! I can't sell ya a ticket to Nineveh!

jonAH

(confused)

What?!? Who are you?!?

scooter

The name's Angus. I sell cruise tickets! There's nothing like a cruise on the Great Sea ta clean the sand outa yer wicket, aye? But ya can't sail ta Nineveh! It's landlocked! See?

(gestures with a loud 'thwack!' to map with pointer)

Ya can't go by sea... ya gotta go by land!

jonAH

(still confused)

But I don't want to go to-

Jonah is interrupted by passing townspeople

wOMAN #1

Oh, hello Mr. Jonah! What's the word?

sCOOTER

Ah! He's goin' ta Nineveh!!

wOMAN #1

Oh, really?

jonAH

(erupts)

I am not going to Nineveh! Why on Earth would I want to go to Nineveh?!? In fact, I'm going in the opposite direction!

(looks to map)

What's the furthest thing in the world from Nineveh?

SCOOTER:

Well if you have a few days, you could sail down to Egypt... it's lovely this time of year...

Something on the map has caught Jonah's eye. He isn't listening.

jonAH

There! I want to go there!

Camera follows Jonah's gaze to the far end of the map - to an area called "Tarshish."

SCOOTER:

Wha-? Tarshish? Why, that would take weeks! It's the other end of the world!!

jonAH

Perfect! How much?

SCOOTER:

Even if you had the money, no one around here has the time to sail all the way to Tarshish...

Scooter notices one of the Pirates lounging above deck in a recliner, listening to their theme song on a cheap, AM radio.

scoOTER (cont'd)

Then again...

Jonah notices Pirates as well.

Sailing Scene

WIPE TO:

ext - day. Pirate ship - above deck.

All 3 Pirates are lined up, explaining why they can't possibly sail to Tarshish.

pa GRAPE

(overlapping)

We couldn't possibly... we're very busy with... cargo... and stuff...

lunt

You know, Pirates have to pillage and plunder and... uh, that really takes it out of you...

larry

... and Alf is on in a half-hour so I don't think we should... uh...

pa GRAPE

... and besides that, we don't really sail.

(beat)

At all.

(beat)

So the answer is 'no.'

jonAH

(after a pause)

Money is no object.

Pregnant pause. The Pirates are motionless. Then Pa Grape breaks the silence.

pa GRAPE

Next stop, Tarshish! I'll hoist the mainsail!

larry

I'll pop the popcorn!

lunT

I'll get the moist towelettes! Where did we put them? Hey, Larry, have you seen the towelettes?

LarrY

I got it! I got it!

LuNT

No, those are baby wipes. They'll dry your skin out.

Pirates scurry around like crazy, imagining all the cheese curls their newfound wealth will buy. Jonah smiles - relieved - but then looks a bit concerned as he realizes he is now 'officially' running away from God.

The Pirates prattle on as their ship moves away from the dock under full sail. Sailing erratically, they careen into the ship next to them as they head toward the open sea.

pa grape (os)

Sorry! My fault!!

Pa NARRATOR

Even though we'd never sailed before, we took to it like a fish to water!

Cut to Larry standing dramatically in the crow's nest, spyglass to his eye. He scans the sea aggressively. He spots something.

LarrY

Thar she blows!

Cut to Lunt, staring up at him from the deck

LuNT

Where?

LarrY

(looking down at the deck)

Right there! Next to the grill!

We cut to Larry's POV through the telescope to show a ping-pong ball on the deck of the ship next to the BBQ grill. Lunt moves into shot. Cut to Lunt on deck.

LUNT:

Got it!

Lunt takes the ball to the pint pong table. Pa is standing on the top of one side of the table with paddle. Jonah stands behind the opposite side, holding paddle lethargically.

Pa GRAPE

6-0!

Pa serves the ball. It bounces right past Jonah, who makes no attempt to hit it. He's too depressed to try. He watches it bounce off the table and over toward the grill.

Pa GRAPE (cont'd)

7-0! That's a skunk! I win!

Jonah looks on dryly. Lunt and Larry cheer.

Lunt and Larry

Yeah! Yippee

Pa GRAPE

Whadaya say, Jonah? 2 out of 3?

JoNAH

Ahh... No. I'm done.

Jonah turns and listlessly walks away from the table.

PA GRAPE:

Argh! When we get to Tarshish, Ho-ho's! On me!

LuNT AND LARRY

Yeah! Yippee

(cheering in unison!)

We winny at the ping pong!

We get the ho-ho and the ding dong!

Ding-dong!

Cut to shot from the bulkhead ad Jonah listlessly walks toward stairs to go below deck.

pa nARRATOR

Once we finally got out to sea, Jonah went below deck to rest a bit.

Khalil

cut TO:

int - day. SHIP'S HOLD.

Typical ship's hold. Dark and musty. Bags of grape leaves on floor, barrels of who-knows-what, etc. Two bunks hang off one wall - one over the other. Light comes from several oil lanterns, plus some natural light down ladder from above deck and through cracks in planking above. Jonah enters and looks around.

joNAH

(a little depressed)

Oh, what have I done? What have I done?

Jonah grabs bag of grape leaves and tosses it on bunk to use as a pillow. He drops onto the bunk on his back, with his head on the bag, unaware that there is a large worm in the bag he has chosen.

tape

(from bag)

You are powerful and attractive.

jonah

(glances around nervously)

What? Who's there?

TAPE:

You do not run from your problems, but confront them face-to-face.

joNAH

(jumping up)

Ah!! The bag! It speaks!

Throws bag against opposite wall.

Khalil

(from pillow)

Ow! What did you do that for?

joNAH

Mr. Twisty? ... Who's there? Show yourself!

Worm crawls up on barrel or something. He is holding headphones, which he places back in the bag of leaves. Jonah has never seen a worm exactly like this one.

Khalil

Hello!

joNAH

What are you?

KHALIL:

Who, me?... Oh, my name is Khalil. I am a caterpillar. Well, that's only half true. My mother was a caterpillar. My father was a worm. But I'm okay with that now.

joNAH

(can't pronounce)

Khalil?

khalil

Khalil. You've got to get your gut into it.

(pause)

I bet you're wondering why I'm here.

jonah

(not really interested)

Aaah... you... tidy up around the ship?

KHALIL:

Oh, no - I do not work on the ship.

(proudly)

I am a small business operator! A traveling salesman! I sell Persian rugs door to door! See?

JONAH:

(still not interested)

Oh - lovely. A-

Jonah opens his mouth to speak, but Khalil cuts him off.

KHALIL:

By the way, do you know where this ship is going?

JONAH:

Yes, Tarshish.

KHALIL:

(eyes widen)

Tarshish! What a trip!

(thinks)

You know, that may be just what I need! The Persian rug business has not been going very well around here...

(brightens)

But I still have a positive mental attitude... because of my motivational tapes!

Pulls headphones out of bag of leaves - tape is still playing. Jonah looks on curiously.

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