Jonestown: The Life and Death of Peoples Temple Page #9

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was in her arms.

And I held her and said, I love you,

I love you, because its all I could say.

She died in my arms, man.

Quickly! Quickly!

Quickly! Quickly! Quickly!

Where is the vat?

The vat, the vat

Bring it here,

so the adults can begin.

My wife came up to me,

she didnt have no tears in her eyes.

She just was...

was just in a daze.

My mother, my grandmother,

my sister, my brother, they gone."

You know she said,

Just take me. Just take me

and just lay me down

next to my grandmamma.

And she went up to that Kool-Aid,

to that death barrel

and she just, didnt hesitate,

just took it and drunk it

and then told me to hold her,

to take her, and I did.

And she died in my arms.

And once I laid her down

and she told me how she wanted to

lay with her grandmother,

I... at that point, knew that

I didnt have no reason

to be here no more.

We laid it down, we got tired.

We didnt commit suicide.

We committed an

act of revolutionary suicide

protesting the conditions

of an inhumane world.

We were just f***ing slaughtered.

F***ing slaughtered.

There was nothing dignified about it.

Had nothing to do

with revolutionary suicide,

nothing to do about

making a f***ing statement,

it was just senseless waste,

senseless waste and death.

To whomever finds this note.

Collect all the tapes,

all the writing, all the history.

The story of this movement,

this action, must be

examined over and over.

We did not want this kind of ending.

We wanted to live, to shine,

to bring light to a world

that is dying for a little bit of love.

I never believed in

Heaven in my whole life.

You know, thats not the way

I operated

but when I was in Guyana,

and when Id watch the sun rise,

I actually thought

there was a heaven on Earth.

And now, I cant

believe in heaven anymore.

Theres quiet

as we leave this world.

The sky is gray.

People file by us slowly

and take the somewhat bitter drink.

Many more must drink.

Im saddened

because it didnt work out.

Because it just seemed so beautiful.

And Ill say this

about November 18th,

I felt Id lost a family

and I knew Id lost my children.

A teeny kitten

sits next to me watching.

A dog barks.

The birds gather

on the telephone wires.

Let all the story of this

Peoples Temple be told.

We were people that...

We wanted to make a change.

Its a shame it didnt happen.

It might not never happen.

But one thing I can say,

at least we tried

and we didnt sit back and wait

on the laurels for somebody else to try it.

Yes, we tried it.

Yes, it was a failure.

Yes, it was very tragic.

But at least we tried.

If nobody understands,

it matters not.

I am ready to die now.

Darkness settles over Jonestown

on its last day on Earth.

I never had any dreams of Jonestown

until this one dream came.

I could see myself

in Jonestown walking,

and when I looked to my left,

there was my son.

He was standing

in the middle of a duffel bag.

And just right when I got ready

to reach to touch his head,

he pulled the bag up like this.

And the bag fell and he was gone.

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