Joshy Page #4

to a monkey seller

and you said,

"hey, give me a monkey,"

and then he just

gave you the hand?

No, I mean, I think

you're thinking of it

too literally.

- The hand is cursed.

- Eric:
Like a leprechaun.

You know, you get them,

and then they f***ing--

- they're kind of shady.

- Greg:
I thought

they were shady

before you caught 'em,

but once you caught 'em,

- they were, like, your slave.

- Well, ta-da.

This is actually--

this is amazing.

- Yeah.

- You should see

the place I'm staying.

It's like a--

a turquoise dealership.

It's like

a kidnapper shack.

Yeah, oh,

very much so.

Yeah, I'm imagining

like the sock

that a teenage boy

uses to, like,

- jerk into made

into, somehow, a house.

- Jerk off into?

That is pretty--

pretty accurate.

Ew.

Thanks for the, um,

walk back here.

It was very nice.

No, thank you.

It was, um,

so weird to meet someone

from blue star.

- I know.

- It's so crazy.

Yeah. You know me.

Um, I'm gonna go inside,

but I'll give you this.

- Oh.

- 'Cause I'm not a thief

even though I probably seem

really rough and tough,

I'm not a thief

and I'm not gonna

steal your sweater.

- Okay, good night.

- Good night.

- Thank you.

- Yeah. No, thank you.

Are you waiting there

for me to get in?

Hmm? Yeah,

i don't wanna leave

till you get in.

That's so nice.

That's what you do.

Um, i--

I don't have my key.

Sorry, I forgot.

I smoked your weed,

my fault.

- Okay.

- I didn't think about

- whether or not

i had a key.

- Okay.

And I feel

really embarrassed.

Like, oh, some girl

i met in a bar.

- Come on, let's go

back to the bar.

- But I don't have my phone,

- and I don't have my purse.

- We're gonna go back

to the bar.

- There's a lot of things

to be embarrassed.

- I'm your friend.

Dude, this guy

used to f***ing go

to the parking lots

at dead shows--

- I f***ing did, man.

- And f***ing run

drum circles.

Dude, I ran

drum circles.

I sold acid

for, like, five minutes,

and then I got freaked out

and I stopped.

I saw the last

grateful dead show.

I saw the last one they did

at the meadowlands.

You were not

at the last show.

I was at the last show.

Don't try and hitch

onto my thing, okay?

- That's not cool.

- Joshua?

Joshua, you seem kind of

down and gloomy doomy.

- No, no.

- Are you sure?

- Yeah, I'm good.

- 'Cause I got the solution.

- And it's more combo.

- What did you do?

- It's called dramarama,

but ours is fake

and it was, like--

it was

the first day of my period

and I had a heavy flow.

And I put my pad in the trash

at my friend's house,

but then her French poodle

took the pad out of the trash

and her hot brother

saw that, like,

my p*ssy bleeds

or whatever.

- And it was just, like...

- It was like penthouse letters

- for chicks

who get their period.

- What's penthouse letters?

Oh, my god.

Hello?

It's super twin peaksy,

and I f***ing hope

my shitty friends

took my purse.

Well, I don't know

what you're doing now,

but you can come hang out

with my shitty friends.

Uh, yeah, I'll hang out

with your shitty friends.

- Like, do they suck?

- Oh, yeah, they suck so bad.

- Cool.

- Yeah, you will

hate them.

And they're all

going through some

real hardcore emotional sh*t.

- Oh.

- So it'll be a good hang.

How could I resist?

You have been convicted

of the crime

of stealing

a loaf of bread!

Greg:

No, no, please!

You've already

burned down my

jewelry store!

Oh, god!

Holy sh*t!

Ow! God, that hurt!

- - Oh, but it was so good.

It was so funny.

Hey, it's the girl

from the bar!

- Hey!

- Jodi.

- Hi.

- Hi, Jodi. I'm Eric.

- Jodi?

- Hey.

- Greg:
Do you spell it

j-o-d-i?

- You okay?

Here. For that,

let me kiss you

- like the Europeans say hello.

- Okay, okay.

- No, I'm just

gonna say hello...

- You are saying hello.

- You are saying hello,

all right?

- Oh, okay.

- Jodi:
Hi, hi.

- Greg:
I get it,

I get it, okay.

- You wanna smoke weed?

It's right here.

- Yes, thank you.

Very unsettling.

He's pointing

a gun at me.

- Jodi:
I don't want that.

- It's a bb gun!

Oh, same thing.

It's always weird.

Josh, we have

some guests now.

You still seem a little

boo-boo-boo-boo.

- I'm fine.

- Here, can I make

a suggestion?

Oh, well, how are we

stepping it up, kemosabe?

The g-rock over here

is gonna shoot me...

- In the dick!

- Greg:
Oh, yes!

Yes, he's gonna shoot me

in the dick hole.

I'm gonna hold the cup

on top of my head,

but then

he's gotta shoot me

- straight in my dinger.

- Okay, all right!

You really want me

to do that?

And if--

if the cup falls,

the he gets to shoot me

in my bonanza hole.

The bonanza hole?

You know what I think

a butt hole looks like?

Is it just--

i think it looks like

a chimp victim's eye.

Joshua, could I have

a little Harry Carey

play-by-play

commentary, please?

Oh, perfect.

That's great,

that's great.

Well, I was

just thinking

a year ago,

we were all here--

here with our ladies.

You know, uh, Marissa

and shauna and--

and Rachel.

It's interesting that,

I don't know.

I was just thinking

about that.

- Hey, hey, hey, hey.

- I'm sorry.

Josh, Josh, Josh,

look at me.

It's not okay.

It's not okay

to be sad!

You understand?

You are meant to be happy.

That is who you are.

This sad person,

that is something

that you think that you are,

but you're not that!

If you were

meant to be sad,

being sad

would feel good.

But it doesn't, does it?

What feels good?

Being happy!

And you should feel good,

so be happy!

Be who you are.

- Sorry. I...

- No, no, no, no.

- I didn't mean to--

- no, no, no.

Look, you're not

allowed to apologize

the rest of the time

that I'm here.

Thank you

for that, Greg.

Eric:

Yes, Greg!

Good pep talk!

How about, Joshua,

that we create

some new memories?

- What do you mean?

- Joshua,

I'm about to get shot

in my dick hole for you.

So please just give me

a little commentary.

- Do Harry Carey.

- Uh, Greg,

now lining up

his-- his rifle.

He's got it lined up

to shoot Eric in the penis.

If the red cup falls,

Eric's gotta get shot

in the bonanza hole.

Right where

the chimp victim's eye is.

That's beautiful!

Oh, my god!

Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Oh, my god!

It didn't go in my d-hole,

but it clipped

my yam sack!

Oh, my god,

you clipped his sack!

A f***ing bet is a bet.

The cup fell,

so it looks like

you're gonna be shooting me

- right in my f***ing bonanza.

- All:
No, no, no!

Yeah, yeah,

yeah, yeah!

- Rules are rules.

- Adam:
You know, maybe--

I mean, do you

really wanna be shot

in the bonanza?

Maybe we could

do something that

everyone is involved with.

Like, you know,

with six of us,

we could just get

a short campaign going

of mecha dungeon crawl.

Mecca?

Mecca dungeon cr--

like, this is islamic?

- No, it's, like, mechanical.

- It's a very complicated

board game.

We could just

play through it quickly

and with so many people,

it would go pretty fast.

I think

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