Julie And Julia Page #4

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Oh, you were such a rou.

- All the women were mad for him.

- Can you blame them?

Anyway, we were sent off to China.

Absolutely delicious, if I do say so myself.

Julia.

When you finish your term,

you'll be teaching at Cordon Bleu.

No, I don't think so.

The woman who runs it absolutely hates me!

Come on.

Oh, no one could possibly hate you.

That's true. But she does.

Were you spies?

No. Yes. No.

Oh, so cagey, right?

You were in the Office of Strategic Services

and you were not spies?

I was only a file clerk.

But Paul? Paul designed all of the secret

war rooms for General Mountbatten.

Well, just maps and exhibits and things.

It wasn't...

He did!

He single-handedly won the war for us.

Well, I had to. Someone did.

I mean, it was dragging on, wasn't it?

Anyway, so there we were in China,

just friends having dinner,

and it turned out to be Julia.

It turned out to be Julia all along.

Julia, you are the butter to my bread,

and the breath to my life.

I love you, darling girl.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Dear Charlie,

Julia in front of her stove

has the same fascination for me

as watching a kettle drummer

at the symphony.

The oven door opens and shuts so fast,

you hardly notice the deft thrust of a spoon

as she dips into a casserole,

and up to her mouth for a taste check

like a perfectly-timed double beat

on the drums.

Then with her bare fingers,

she snatches a set of cannelloni

out of the pot of boiling water,

and she cries,

" These damn things

are as hot as a stiff cock. "

- She said what?

- I know.

- Julia Child said, "Hot as a..."

- I know, I'm shocked.

It's from a letter that Paul Child

wrote to his twin brother Charlie in 1949,

when Julia was just starting classes

at Le Cordon Bleu.

So Julia and Paul, beaucoup, beaucoup.

- I know. Just goes to show you.

- What?

You can never tell about

a person's sex life by looking at them.

They were so in love.

Hot sauce from a reader.

And today I had 12 comments from readers,

and I didn't know any of them.

Thanks to all my faithful readers

for this loot.

I have now completed 65 recipes in 47 days.

On track with 103 recipes

in just over two months.

Looks like a cupcake.

Lobster thermidor is coming up,

and I am going to have to murder

and dismember a crustacean.

How will I ever do this?

Last night our sleep machine,

the one we have by our bed

to drown out the noise of freight trucks

rumbling past our apartment,

was speaking to me. And it was saying,

"Lobster killer.

"Lobster killer, lobster killer, lobster killer."

One of my readers said

that if you put lobsters in the freezer,

it sort of numbs them.

Then I got another comment that said,

"Man up, kill the damn lobster.

"Just take a knife and do it."

It's alive!

Eric.

Oh, God.

"A note on dealing with live lobsters.

"If you object to steaming

a live lobster," yes,

"plunge the point of the knife

into the head between the eyes."

Oh, Julia, you make it sound so simple.

Lobster killer.

Eric.

Eric.

Get out of here.

I don't need you at all.

You are completely useless.

I'm just gonna throw them into the water

and put the lid on and that will be that.

Fine.

Fine.

Hello.

Goodbye.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

You okay?

Okay.

Okay. All right.

All right, boys.

There's a new sheriff in town.

Lobster killer.

Lobster killer.

Under control.

You are a saint.

Thank you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

- Thank you.

- You're welcome.

- I can't. I can't.

- You can.

- No, I can't. I have a lot to do.

- You can.

- Eric, I can't.

- I'm good.

- Eric.

- Just give me one more, give me one more.

- Just one more.

- Fine. Go, I have so much to do. Get!

Out!

- Hey, thank you so much.

- Hey, man. How you doing?

Happy birthday.

Yeah, terrific. Good to see you.

- Cake.

- Cake. Brother-in-law.

- Love you so much.

- Hey, man.

Hi, hi, hi, hi.

Bon apptit.

Bon apptit.

Happy birthday, Julie.

- Happy birthday.

- Hi! Thanks, sweetheart.

Oh, thanks for coming all out here. Hey, you.

Here's an incredible thing.

When Julia and Paul met, she was a virgin.

- Really?

- Wow.

She was, like, practically 40.

- You serious?

- How does anyone even know that?

There were all these letters that Julia

wrote to her friend Avis De Voto.

And Paul wrote to his brother, and no

one threw anything out, as far as I can tell.

When they got married,

she could barely boil an egg.

Isn't that amazing?

Really?

- Braised cucumbers are a revelation.

- This is good.

I'm obsessed with her. I'm totally obsessed.

She's totally obsessed.

Well, it's good that you are,

because this is amazing.

Seriously. So good.

Well, savor it, because that's all there is.

I mean, lobster, major bucks.

Why don't you put a PayPal thing

on the website?

People could send in money

if they felt like it.

Oh, yeah. Absolutely.

You have fans, your readers love you.

I do? I have fans?

Yeah, you do.

- Well, I can't ask them for money.

- Why not?

I think you should do the PayPal thing.

That way we could have more lobster.

- Harder. Get them. Get them. Hey, hey, hey!

- Thirty. Thirty. Thirty. Thirty. Thirty.

Happy birthday, sweetheart.

Thank you.

Just like Julia's.

Only hers were probably the real deal.

They're beautiful.

Help you put it on.

Let's give this a shot here.

How's that?

Yeah.

I'm 30.

I thought it was gonna be terrible,

but thanks to you, and thanks to Julia,

it feels like I'm gonna get through.

Cake.

More cake. How do you like that cake?

Hey, you.

I'm going to bed.

Ernie, 53 comments on my lobster blog.

Shut up.

- Julie Powell.

- This the person I speak to

if I got a problem?

Yes, sir. What is your problem?

Too much food, not enough sex.

Eric, that's not funny.

I thought it was pretty funny.

Okay, it was.

- Hey, guess what?

- What?

You are the third most

popular blog on salon. com.

- I am?

- Yes, you are.

I am!

So I figure for every one who writes in,

there are, I don't know, hundreds that don't.

Don't you think?

It's like there's this whole group of people

who are sort of connected to me.

They need me in some way.

Like, if I didn't write,

they would really be upset.

They'd probably take, like, poison,

try to kill themselves.

Julia.

Are you still making hats?

Oh, no, I abandoned it.

But I am ready to graduate

from the Cordon Bleu.

I can't get the damn woman

who runs the school to schedule the test.

Madame Brassart?

Is that the woman you are speaking of?

She is a b*tch.

She is, you're right.

I think she's almost the only person

in the world I honestly can't stand.

She is not the only person I can't stand.

Do you two know each other?

You should. Julia Child, Simone Beck.

- Simca.

- Simca, how do you do?

And this is my friend Louisette Bertholle.

I can't believe you haven't met.

Simca and Louisette are writing a cookbook.

- For Americans.

- Really?

Why do you need to take a stupid test?

So I can get a diploma. So I can teach.

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