Jumping the Broom Page #2

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How can you say you love him

when you don't know them?

They could be awful

-or:
::

-Or great.

-Come on. You worry too much!

-No, you don't worry enough.

Well, it's all under control.

Right, Amy?

-Okay, Miss O'Neal. Next!

-So, when are you leaving?

You know all those people over

at the Vineyard,

they are so loaded,

even their servants are rich.

I can't believe little Jason

is getting married this weekend,

and I'm not gonna be there.

Well,

of course you're not gonna be there.

You wearing a ankle bracelet

and it's not for fashion. Next!

What's the girl like?

Miss O'Neal, go on, now.

I gotta go to work. Next!

Come on up here, baby.

Hurry up. I ain't got all day.

What?

-One minute, baby.

-Come on, girl, don't...

-Shonda!

-Pam, I'm busy.

You see this long line

we have out here?

Excuse us, excuse us.

-What's the problem, Pam?

-I have tried to be nice to this girl,

but you know by now she should've come

over here to Brooklyn to meet me.

You will not believe it.

She sent me a text message.

A text message!

Talking 'bout she want me

to bring some baby pictures of Jason

so she can put 'em

in the wedding program.

She treating me like I'm her secretary,

not the mother-in-law to be!

She got Jason's nose all open, talking

about she gonna take him to China.

China! My Jason don't like

nothing sweet and sour.

This girl need to

have a little more respect for me!

Why are your panties all in a wad?

Didn't you tell me that Jason hadn't

met her family, either?

Heifer, whose side you on?

All this stuff going on,

her text messaging me

when she can pick up a telephone

and call me like I'm a human being.

I don't play this. Strike one.

Don't forget about

your anger management classes, Pam.

Calm down.

Honey, you gonna have

to go get back in line.

I'm going to lunch.

What?

Our guests arrive tomorrow,

so we will need to prepare every room.

All the linens need to be changed.

The floors need to sparkle.

-And sparkle they will, Mrs. Watson.

-Each of the guest rooms

needs to get a bouquet

of summer flowers.

-Yes, Mrs. Watson.

-And we have to assemble the gift boxes

-for all of our out-of-town guests.

-Yes, Mrs. Watson.

Where in hell are you?

Meeting ran long.

I'm on my way to the airport now.

Did you forget that we have 50 people

arriving here tomorrow

for our daughter's wedding?

Your sarcasm is unattractive.

Gregory, I cannot tolerate

one of your disappearing acts.

-I am not doing this alone.

-Yeah. Calm down.

You're not alone. Like I said,

I'm on my way to the airport.

Where were we?

All right. Where were we?

Yeah. Dissolution of property.

Gregg, I can't keep up this charade.

I've known Claudine for a long time,

and I do owe her a modicum of respect.

You have to tell her, or I will.

Jason!

-Wifey-to-be, wifey-to-be.

-What are you doing?

God, the stairs weren't good enough

for you?

I'm old school, babe. I got the horse

double-parked downstairs.

You know how they do it in the movies?

What's wrong, babe?

I'm just really nervous

about meeting your mom.

I need to know more about her.

-Like what?

-I don't know, just, you know, details.

Details are what make a person.

Like what's her taste in art?

Is she more MoMA or Met?

-Does she eat sushi or soul food?

-Baby...

Does she wanna play Mahalia Jackson

or Michael Jackson?

Breathe.

Okay. Let's see, my mom.

She's a very sweet...

Yeah?

...gentle, soft-spoken woman.

-Really?

-Just like you.

Come here.

-Oh, God.

-I know, I know.

Wait. Oh, my gosh.

Sorry, Jason, I'm sorry.

-I'm sorry, I just...

-I know.

-I can't do that.

-The promise you made with God, right?

-Yes, and you should respect it.

-I respect it, babe, but it ain't easy.

I mean, look at you. I mean, come on.

-Can we just keep that open?

-No, we can't. We can talk.

-Talk?

-Yes.

French.

I don't know what to say.

Just say anything.

Please don't be mad.

But I am afraid that when we're on

our honeymoon,

It will be that time of the month.

I don't know what you just said,

but it sounded so good.

Did it?

Sabrina! Reverend James is here!

See? You hear that?

That's God talking through my mom.

Oh, my God.

You couldn't control it?

I'm okay with this waiting thing,

but he is pissed

at my choice in women right now.

-Say you're sorry. Say you're sorry.

-I'm sorry. Kind of.

-It's not working.

-Not really.

-French?

-Get outta here.

-Sabrina!

-I'm coming, Mom!

Maybe we could get to the last detail

of this wedding, the reading.

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

I was thinking Jude, Chapter three.

"The quality of mercy is not strained.

It falls like a gentle rain

from the heavens."

That's Shakespeare.

-That's not Jude three?

-There is no Jude three.

-There's no Jude three?

-No.

I was thinking Corinthians 13.

"Love is patient, love is kind."

How about John 15?

That's my mother's favorite.

Well, it's our wedding, so...

Well, babe, it would really make

my mother happy, come on.

Yeah. And when she gets married again,

they can read it for her, okay?

Wait a minute, wait a minute,

hold up a minute.

Maybe we should just

look at Genesis 2:24.

It says, "For this cause shall a man

leave his mother and his father

"and take unto him a wife

"and then they shall cleave

and become one flesh."

Now, that... That feels good.

That is a good one. That's a good one.

Could we possibly get back

to you on this one, Rev?

Certainly, certainly.

Let's talk about it.

Sabrina, dear,

I understand that you love each other

and that you're maybe even meant

to be together.

But I should warn you that

sometimes life will really test you.

Well, we'll pass. I mean,

Reverend James, Jason was sent to me.

He's my soul mate.

That's so sweet.

But even a soul mate

can really test you.

You've known me since I was just

a wee little thing, and now...

-Pigtails and braces.

-Yes!

-Look at you now. So wonderful.

-That's right. Can you believe it?

I tell you what,

I'm gonna have to leave you lovebirds

and get on back to the church

so we can have

this marvelous wedding of yours.

Thank you!

-Be sweet, dear.

-Thank you so much.

-And take care.

-Thanks.

-We'll talk soon.

-All right, Rev.

-All the best. See you all. Bye-bye.

-All right, see you tomorrow.

-Take care.

-Bye.

It's almost noon.

I gotta go pick up my mom, all right?

No, no, no, no!

You're not going anywhere.

-What do you mean, babe?

-Amy sent a car for her.

-Amy sent a car for my mom?

-Yes.

Babe, this ain't gonna be good.

What do you mean?

I'm sure it was a nice car.

Show her how to pose, will you?

Oh, my goodness! Stop all that now!

All right, just smile, Pam! Okay...

Don't touch my baby's pie!

-Where's Willie Earl?

-No, he could be anywhere.

I see you been around the world.

You got a few stamps in your passport.

It's none of your business.

Just trying to

have a polite conversation.

I'm sure whatever distant land

you come from that line about stamps

may work as a natural aphrodisiac.

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