Juno Page #11

MARK:

Sure, why not? I mean, every guy

wants to be a father. Coach soccer,

help with science projects and... I

don't know. Fatherly stuff.

Mac casts a subtle, dubious glance at Mark.

VANESSA:

Well, shall we start looking over

the paperwork? Gerta has already

drafted some preliminary documents.

JUNO:

Can I use the facilities first? Being

pregnant makes you pee like

Seabiscuit.

VANESSA:

Sure. The powder room down here is

being re-tiled, but you can use the

master bath upstairs. Go up, then

turn left and on your right...

JUNO:

Room with a toilet, got it.

INT. LORING HOUSE - ENTRY/STAIRS - DAY

Juno heads into the foyer and up the stairs. We see a posed

photo of Mark and Vanessa in the stairwell. Their house is

beautiful, but frigid. Juno rubs her arms, shivering.

INT. LORING HOUSE - BATHROOM - DAY

The Loring's bathroom is huge. Juno flushes and goes to the

double sink to wash her hands. She opens the overhead cabinet

and sees Vanessa's toiletries. She spritzes on some perfume

and examines the more expensive grooming items. There's a

crinkled tube of LUBE in the cabinet. Juno picks it up,

fascinated. She rubs a drop of it between her hands and runs

it through her hair like pomade.

INT. LORING HOUSE - UPSTAIRS HALLWAY - DAY

Juno opens the bathroom door and instantly BUMPS into Mark.

JUNO:

Whoops! Yikes, I didn't expect to

see you up here.

MARK:

Sorry. I was just getting something.

JUNO:

Did your wife send you up here to

spy on me?

MARK:

What? No! Do we come off like paranoid

yuppies or something?

JUNO:

Well, you don't just invite a random

pregnant teenager into your house

and leave her unsupervised. I could

be a total klepto, for all you know.

MARK:

I don't get a klepto vibe from you.

Evil genius? Maybe. Arsonist? Wouldn't

rule it out.

JUNO:

I did steal a squirt of perfume.

What do you think? It's Clinique

Happy.

She holds her WRIST up to Mark's twitching nostrils.

JUNO:

Smell those sparkling topnotes!

Mark inhales.

MARK:

Am I supposed to feel happy now?

JUNO:

You should be happy, Holmes. I'm

giving you and Vanessa the gift of

life. Sweet, screaming, pooping life!

And you don't even have to be there

when the baby comes out of me all

covered in...

MARK:

Viscera?

JUNO:

Blood and guts.

MARK:

We'd better get back downstairs ASAP.

Juno mocks his use of "ASAP" silently.

JUNO:

(halting)

Wait a minute. Is that a Les Paul?

Juno is staring into a room with the door slightly ajar. We

see GUITARS mounted on the wall, and the edges of posters.

MARK:

Oh. That's, uh, my room. Vanessa

lets me have a room for all my old

stuff.

JUNO:

Wow, you get a whole room in your

own house? She's got you on a long

leash there, Mark.

MARK:

Shut up.

INT. LORING HOUSE - MARK'S "SPECIAL" ROOM - DAY

The walls are plastered with FRAMED POSTERS of early-90s alt

rock bands. (Mudhoney, Jane's Addiction etc.) Mark removes

his LES PAUL from its moorings and hands it to Juno.

JUNO:

It's beautiful. I've always liked

Gibson better than Fender.

MARK:

What do you play?

JUNO:

I rock a Harmony.

MARK:

(holding back a chuckle)

Oh.

JUNO:

What? I'm a pawn shop rocker.

MARK:

Sorry. I swear I'm not a gear snob.

Juno turns the guitar over, examining it closely.

JUNO:

What is that, Mahogany? What happens

if you crack the neck?

MARK:

Tell me about it. I used to play in

a really tight band back when I lived

in Chicago, and one night we opened

for the Melvins... do you know who

the Melvins are?

JUNO:

(lying)

Yeah.

MARK:

Well, we were playing with them and

I busted this guitar onstage. It

cost me $800 and a dime bag just to

have it fixed.

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