Just Buried

You might've taken

the wrong exit.

You really think

I look good?

I told you, you look fine.

I- It's just we haven't

seen him in a very long time,

I want to make

sure I look good.

He's dead, Ollie.

I've only ever

seen deer on TV.

Should pull it

off the road.

I gotta take a leak.

Me? I don't want to

pull it off the...

It might have diseases, Jackie!

Uh, Jackie?

Is he with you?

Um...

Public urination

is illegal.

Do you have any drugs

in the car, sir?

No, no, no.

Uh, it only happens

when I get nervous.

Nosebleeds.

Too much coffee, Officer.

Ah, what brings you

to town, Father?

Funeral.

Rollie Whynacht.

Yeah, he was a good man.

We wouldn't know.

You weren't acquainted?

He was our father.

Well, I'll see you

at the service.

God bless.

Yeah, we'll take

care of that, Sir.

So, do we call her Mom?

Oh, hello!

Hi! I'm Luanne!

Oh god! Your father's told me

so much about you.

Oh my god! Come here,

come here.

Oh, it's OK.

It's OK.

And you, look at you!

Come here.

It's OK now.

It's OK.

Come inside.

Now, I know you haven't

seen Rollie in a long time,

but I figured

you'd want to be here today.

Besides, it saves me

from having to hire a preacher.

Good!

So, what did

Rollie, like, do?

Oh, he owned a funeral home.

Yeah, that's where we're gonna

have the service today.

Mm-hmm!

Rollie bet me

I couldn't draw a high card.

And then I pulled a 9.

And we skipped across the street

and we got married!

It would've been our fifth

wedding anniversary next month.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry.

It's OK. It's OK.

I- I think I'm just

gonna go take a drive.

Thank you for having us.

Uh... I'm sorry.

It's OK.

Oliver!

Henry Sanipass,

worked for your Dad.

How'd you know who I am?

Oh, last photo I saw, you

were just a gawky little kid.

Now look at you!

I'm sorry about your Dad.

His heart couldn't take

the cigars no more.

I didn't want it

to be this way.

You and Henry are

probably the only two men

that have ever

really gotten me.

Charlie's just...

And, Dad, he's

never understood me.

Dad doesn't think this

profession is fit for a lady.

It was good enough

for my mother.

I'll take good care

of the home.

Uh, I'm one of Rollie's sons.

That's-that's, uh,

a pretty dress.

It was my mother's.

Your nose is bleeding.

Uh, yeah.

It happens when I get nervous.

I am sure Rollie

would want all of you,

especially those whom

he held closest,

to know that he is now basking

in the glory and light

of Our Lord's everlasting love.

Though my brother Oliver and I

did not know our father well

from the number of faces

gathered in his name here today

we can see

that he was well loved.

Pretty convincing sermon.

Bygones, I guess.

Did you know

my father pretty well?

Yeah, you could say that.

What was he like?

He was generous... funny.

He had pretty good

taste in after-shave.

We have to take him

to the crematorium now.

Oh.

Mr. Whynacht requested that

each of you be here for this.

Well, hi gang.

It's me.

I guess you know that.

Listen...

After my check up this week

the doctor tells me

the next heart attack is going

to do me in for sure,

so I got two choices;

give up smoking

or make out my will.

So, I've been tryin' to figure

out the easiest way

of dividing up all my crap.

And well, you know me,

I always was a gambler.

So folks...

Looky here.

Wait a minute.

Why is your name up there?

Ollie, congrats.

It's all yours.

Sorry, girls.

I'll need you to sign

some papers, Mr. Whynacht.

Congratulations.

Uh, do you have

a handkerchief?

It took Rollie 11 takes

to get it to stop on your name.

Well, hi there, Ollie.

Ollie, I gotta tell you,

I always thought

you were a weird kid.

In fact,

you kind of creeped me out.

But I love you.

I love you anyway.

Now, your mum kept me

up to date on your lives.

That was part of our deal.

So I know that Jackie-

That, you know,

he has something.

He has God or- or whatever.

But you-

You're delivering groceries,

for Christ's sake!

So I had to do

something for you.

I want you to make

the funeral home great again.

And I'm going to be

watchin' you.

I'm going to be watching you.

What, uh, happened here?

I had a run-in with some

German guy in a track suit.

Armin Imholz. He's Swiss.

Well, see you tomorrow, Boss.

Ollie, this is a good thing.

I'm a delivery boy

for a grocery store.

What do I know about

running a fu-

I feel sick again.

I just don't want

to let him down, Jackie.

It'll be fine.

This is your chance to have

something of your own.

I'll help you out. I'll be

your pastor on call.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Hey! Ha ha!

I guess

you'll want me out soon.

It's your house, Luanne.

Well, I guess

we're family, right?

Yeah.

Oh, mornin', Boss!

What should I do?

Well, I'd start

with a staff meeting.

Five minutes in the lobby?

Where's the staff?

Roberta's in at lunch.

She just does half days.

Oh. And, uh,

where's Rollie's secretary?

And caretaker and accountant

and executive VP.

Ain't got much need

for anybody else.

Hasn't been a funeral

through here in a year.

Except for Rollie.

Uh, but Dad was rich?

You know, we coulda' built

a conveyor belt

from the old folks home

across the way.

But after the joint burnt down

in '02

they built a new place over

in Mayfield,

and this redneck Wayne Snarr,

he got all the business.

I got a funeral home in

a town where no one is dying.

You want to get

something to eat?

You guys stay any longer

I'll be bringing you

breakfast menus next.

I'll have another

gin and tonic

and a piece of

that Turtle pie.

And he'll have

another beer.

Why a mortician?

I like it.

No, I could never do it.

Why?

I'm scared to death of death.

I think people who

are afraid of death

are more afraid of life.

How do you do it?

You wash the body with a

germicide-insecticide-olfactant

and swab the insides

of the nose and mouth.

Then you set the facial features

by putting cotton in the nose,

eye-caps below the eyelids,

and the mouth-former

in the mouth.

Then you tie the mouth shut

with wire or sutures.

Then you drain out all the blood

out by puncturing

a major artery or the heart

and inject in embalming fluid.

Then you take this long,

pointed, metal tube

that's attached

to a suction hose

and you puncture

the stomach, bladder,

large intestines and the lungs

and suck out all

the fluids and the gas.

And then you inject cavity fluid

into the torso.

You usually have to pack

the anus and vagina

with cotton or gauze...

to prevent seepage.

And then you close up

all the holes

and you re-wash the body.

Would you like a bite?

No, thank you.

Uh, I'm allergic to peanuts.

Uh, actually,

I meant, how do you do it?

Like, you don't find it gross?

Because I'm a girl?

No, because it's gross.

Death doesn't bother me.

How close are you?

We're leaving now.

OK. Sure thing. Bye.

Sorry about that.

Just a friend of mine having

problems with her boyfriend.

You know, I'm probably

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