Just Married

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Your attention, please. Flight 217

from Venice, Italy, now arriving at Gate 34.

Please claim all baggage

at carousel number two...

Hot! Hot!

I'll be by tomorrow for my stuff.

Oh. Call first, cos I might be

having sex with a complete stranger!

This is ridiculous.

Cheese and rice!

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah!

Boy, you got it in there, didn't you, honey?

Thank you so much!

I need a ride.

Get out of my way.

Ooh!

Get in!

Try and keep it on the road for a change.

- Can't you get it any closer?

- I don't wanna scratch the paint.

What do you do here, Tom Leezak?

Just open the gate, Yuan.

You and Tom not together any more.

- Just open the gate, Yuan!

- OK.

That one looks heavy.

Get that junk wagon out of here.

Right away, princess!

Not one word.

- Are Mom and Dad home?

- No, they're at the Emphysema Ball.

Don't worry, Peewee.

We'll get this Tom mess cleaned up.

Sarah...

Kyle...

Kyle.

Kyle.

OK, I'm home, so you can

leave whenever you want.

Hi! This is Tom and Sarah.

We can't come to the phone right now.

because we're honeymooning in Europe!

Send a large wedding gift,

or we won't call you back. I'm serious.

Tom, Kyle. I got your message.

I'm sorry the honeymoon sucked.

Anyway, don't wig. I set up lodging in your place.

And when you get back, we'll do some Budweiser therapy.

Hi, Sarah, it's Peter.

I thought I might catch you in.

Tom, if you're listening, buddy,

I feel your pain.

- So where you been, man? You're on in five.

- I walked over. I had to clear my head.

So? What happened?

Well, I had the perfect relationship

that was ruined by marriage.

Have you saw it, right? We were perfect

from the minute we met. Right?

Yeah. In fact, it was nauseating.

Thank you, Fred.

Blue 28! Blue 28!

Set! Hut!

I'm open! I'm open!

Football!

Oh...

Sorry!

Are you OK?

Yeah. You had nothin' on it.

Cheers, Sarah McNerney.

Cheers, Tom Leezak.

So, what do you do

when you're not Joe Montana?

I work at KNR Radio,

your traffic information station.

So I have myself a real live radio host then?

No. Someday I'll be that guy.

Sports, hopefully.

Right now, I just do spot traffic reports.

On the graveyard shift. Every other week.

When the full-time guy's sick.

- You're that Tom.

- Yeah. You actually heard me on the air?

Yeah, I called in about a week ago.

Like, 3 am.

You said the Pasadena freeway

was all clear, so I took it,

and got stuck behind a jackknifed big rig

for, like, three hours. Yeah.

Sarah from Beverly Hills.

Who called me a... fathead.

We got pretty heated.

Very heated.

So, 3 am? That's actually past your bedtime, is it?

How do you know my bedtime? I was wrapping out

an auction. I'm a gofer at Sotheby's.

Beverly Hills, Sotheby's let me guess marketing major,

Stanford. Smartypants in the front row.

- Art history major, Wellesley, back row.

- Oh, back row.

Sweet! Me too. Communications,

Burbank Community College.

- Wanna hear the fight song?

- No, thank you.

- Are you sure? I'm really good at it.

- No, really. Thanks.

That's a good choice.

McNerney.

You're not, by any chance,

the daughter of Dan McNerney,

part-owner-of-the-Lakers-and-Dodgers

McNerney?

I'll take that as a yes.

Ready to get your ass

kicked at eight-ball Leezak?

Oh-ho-ho-ho. You are dreaming, Wellesley.

I went to day care in a pool hall.

Oh. Pretty confident there, huh, fathead?

Bags, shh. Bags, shh!

- Wow.

- Yeah.

And that was it.

A month later, we moved in together.

Why the hell did we get married when we had loving

each other so completely nailed?

I don't know. Ten seconds.

Why does anyone get married?

I mean, does it make sense to be

with one person for your entire life?

People change. They grow.

You're on, Tom.

Maybe we'd still be together if I'd

gotten the proposal right, but, nope,

the proposal is critical, and I blew it.

Tom!

This is Tom Leezak

with KNR traffic at 2.06 am.

At this hour, there are approximately

seven vehicles on all Southland freeways,

so if you feel like skateboarding

down the 405, she's wide-open.

Stay tuned for another

traffic update in ten minutes

on KNR, your traffic information station.

And we're out. Look here, Tom.

You gotta focus, all right, man?

Forget about proposals.

Forget about marriage. All right?

Bags...

Do you have to grunt all the time?

You're just like a little pig with hair.

Look at me.

I'm the cutest doggy in the world.

I'm the cutest doggy in the world. Throw

the ball for me. I'll pull on your leg all day.

Bags, seriously, I will...

Bags, I'm reading.

Fetch.

It wasn't like Bags to chase pigeons.

This pigeon was cruel. It was...

Bags, he just... he just went for him.

He was taunting.

And... squawking.

Squawking?

Squawking.

I mean, at first, it was

more of a... more of a purring.

You know how they...

I mean, Bags... It got his attention.

He has a low tolerance for annoyances.

But then it turned into this, like, shrill...

You're Iying.

- What?

- Your nostrils always flare when you lie.

Flare! Flare!

They're not flaring. I'm not Iying.

Honey, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm just really overwhelmed.

Promise we'll never lie to each other.

It's a promise.

I love you so much.

Listen, Sarah...

I wanna marry you, Tom Leezak.

I wanna marry you, too.

Why do you bring Dodge to front?

ParK at service entrance!

- Open the gate, Yuan.

- OK.

Here we go!

Whoo!

Well, well, well...

What a surprise.

- Welcome to the family, Tom.

- Thank you, Mrs McNerney.

Oh, you can call me P*ssy now.

Thank you... P*ssy.

Well, wonderful. Wonderful!

Yuan, champagne for everybody!

Knock it off, Dickie!

Peewee. My youngest daughter.

You little rebel.

And you, Tom Leezak. You're...

Well, wonderful surprise.

Thank you, Mr McNerney.

I... I just hope that I can...

be just all that I can be...

in this family.

Well, I love Sarah.

That's all I need to know.

You really missed the boat,

didn't you, Prentiss?

Yes, I did, Dan.

You bet your ass you did.

I should've been courting Sarah instead

of putting in 19-hour days at the office.

Anyway, congratulations. To both of you.

Seriously, from my heart.

Thank you, Peter.

- You're a lucky man.

- Hey, I know that.

Grab a flute of bubbly and rise.

Everybody ready?

- Why is Peter Prentiss here?

- Dad's doing business with him.

All right. Health, wealth, happiness.

Health, wealth, happiness.

All right, Peewee. Ten-yard out.

Leezak, give me a five-yard slant.

You got this, man. Don't worry about it.

- Calm down.

- What do you mean, calm down?

Why do bad things happen to good people,

Father? Where's that in your book?

- She's very determined.

- Not even Catholic!

- He's a Polack! No, he's a Polack.

- I know, and I warned you...

Let's see what Leezak's packing.

Ready? All right. And break!

- On one. Ready?

- Break!

You girls ready for this?

Down!

Set!

Ooh!

That was a hard one.

that was a dumber.

- Yeah!

- That's what I'm talkin' about!

- What are you doing, Willie?

- I slipped.

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