Just Married Page #2

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I still got my flag. I'm good. I'm good.

Oh, my Peewee. Always moving so fast.

You move in together after a month,

live together for nine months, and...

now you're engaged.

Oh, I know you love him, but, you know,

sometimes it takes more than love

to sustain a marriage.

You need to be old enough

to know who you are

and what you want and who he is.

Oh, Mom, he's wild and spontaneous

and hysterical and offbeat,

and on top of all that,

he's centred, and he's down-to-earth.

He's everything I want. And we have

this passion for each other that's...

Oh!

I'm jealous.

All right. First thing tomorrow...

we're gonna plan this wedding!

Hey, you.

So I guess everyone thinks

we're crazy for doing this.

Now when did we start caring

about what other people think?

Well, are you sure that you don't

wanna marry a guy like Peter?

If I wanted to know exactly what

my life would be from here on out,

I would marry a guy like Peter.

But I love not knowing.

I love our messy loft... your beater car.

I wanna start a life with you.

Sarah?

Go! Go!

Hi, Daddy.

Peewee... Marriage is like

a business investment.

Its long-term viability

is best established unemotionally.

Bottom line, Daddy we love each other.

That is all that matters.

Leezak.

Good night, sir.

Congratulations, Mr Leezak!

Big Daddy Leezak's in the house!

Oh, I hope she doesn't spook on you, man.

What do you mean?

I love Sarah, don't get me wrong.

But rich chicks spook.

A powerful daddy plus family money

equals expectations.

Expectations are like

a fungal rot on a marriage.

Our marriage is not gonna have a fungal rot.

We're gonna be happily married

every day for the rest of our lives.

Unless she finds out

that you slaughtered her dog.

I'll take that to my grave.

OK, if you change your mind

at the altar, just pass out.

I'm not going to change my mind.

OK. I'm just saying, if you do,

just hit the floor.

Thank you. But it's not gonna happen.

You're sure you're ready to

give up your grazing rights?

I'm not a grazer, Kyle.

What if you became one later in life?

I mean, over the next ten years,

you're giving up five hayrides per year.

So I can either be happily married

to Sarah, or have 50 one-night stands.

- Minimum.

- That's not even a choice.

OK, OK, let's move on.

Are there any chicks you didn't have

that you wish you had?

You are, like, the worst best man ever!

Peter!

I can't believe she invited Prentiss.

- Glad you made it, buddy.

- Hey, man.

Did she ever hook up with that yahoo?

Nah. They went backpacking in Europe once,

just after high school.

I don't think anything happened.

Whoa. You're getting married,

and she didn't share the roster?

She shared the roster.

Merrick... and Bruce.

What about Prentiss?

And you never asked again?

I won. It's irrelevant.

Oh. OK. As long as you're OK

with a bogus roster.

- It's not a bogus roster!

- Is he on or is he off?

He's...

- Shut up.

- Huh? Huh?

And you could've had Peter.

I did have Peter, and it wasn't that hot. OK?

Excuse me?

I was in Seattle, helping at an appraisal.

Ran into Peter. We went out.

I drank way too much,

and before I knew it, we... tussled.

You bad girl.

I wanted to tell Tom so many times,

but he gets so jealous you know.

Listen, it doesn't matter

that he doesn't know.

It's not like you guys were married,

and even if you were...

No, no, no. It matters to me.

It's like living a lie. I cannot live a lie.

There will always be this

big fat elephant in the room with us.

Listen, Peewee, never tell him.

It's time to go, Sarah.

Come on.

- Got everything?

- Yes.

How are you holding up?

P*ssy's a mess.

I'm just telling you right now, be prepared.

Wait.

- Oh! Ow.

- Ooh!

- Oh, are you OK?

- Yes.

- Are you all right?

- I'm fine.

This threshold thing isn't as easy as it looks.

Daddy got the big suite! Yeah, he did!

We're really married.

We're really, really married.

For ever and ever.

Do you feel like it?

I don't know. Do you?

I'm kinda tired.

Me too.

- I mean, hey...

- OK.

What's the matter?

It's our wedding night,

and we don't wanna have sex.

No... Well, it's OK.

We're tired. It's fine.

Baby, it's just that this is our wedding day,

something I've fantasized

about my whole life.

And now it's over.

Did you have wedding fantasies

when you were a little boy?

Kinda.

Oh, honey.

Oh, my God! Tomorrow my parents

are gonna know I'm not a virgin any more!

Sarah...

Oh... You haven't been

a virgin since college.

I know. I know. But tomorrow they're

gonna know for sure that I'm not a virgin.

And they're gonna know

that you deflowered me. Oh, God! Oh, no!

- Oh, honey!

- Deflowered?

That's what my mom always called it.

My mommy.

Oh, Sarah.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey. Hey.

I love you. OK?

And we have our entire lives to have sex.

So it's OK if we don't do it tonight.

OK?

Now I kinda feel like it.

- Really?

- Yeah.

That was a sexy speech.

I, you know, turn it on

every once in a while.

Oh, bloody nose! Bloody nose!

Oh, hello, hello! Hello, hello!

Here you go.

You've been mine for one night,

and you're falling apart already.

I'm not gonna have to trade ya in, am I?

OK...

There you go. Just like that.

It'll stop the bleeding.

I look like a chimp.

You look gorgeous.

Let's go to sleep.

- I love you.

- I love you, too, baby.

Sweetie, our plane leaves in an hour.

- Argh! Argh!

- Ow!

OK, so that wasn't

the smoothest start to a honeymoon.

But tomorrow we will be at the foot

of the Alps at the Hotel des Reves.

- Yes, we will.

- It'll be totally perfect.

Yes, it sounds totally perfect.

But I can't wait until then.

Jimmy-crack-corn!

Close it, b*tch!

There's a lock on the door

for a reason, Junior.

I'm claustrophobic, OK?

Do we have a problem?

- No.

- No, no problem.

- We're just waiting.

- Yeah.

Mm-hm.

Mexican food. That's an oxymoron.

Sweet Lord! Where does that come from?

- Let's just wait.

- Oh, my gosh.

.. has turned on

the "fasten seat belt" sign.

Kindly return to your seats.

OK... Breathe through your mouth.

Breathe through your mouth.

- No, it's really bad.

- Just do it!

Hurry up!

OK, OK, let me just...

Oh!

This is gonna work. This is gonna work.

- I'm gonna step on the toilet.

- OK, perfect.

- What?

- The crapper's got my foot.

- Wait. Let me help.

- Sarah...

OK, OK, one, two, three.

Return to your seats please.

- Be right out. OK, you OK?

- Yeah.

OK, wait. OK, one, two, three.

Return to your seats now, please.

Beat it, stew!

Return...

Playtime is over, children.

Return to your seats! Do you hear me?

- Let's flush it.

- I'll pull.

I can't get it out!

The captain has turned on

the "fasten seat belt" sign!

Wait, wait, wait. Here.

Ready? One, two, three.

Mesdames and messieurs...

- We can tell the grandchildren about that.

- Great story for the kids.

- Bonjour.

- How you doing that there, chief?

Can we get Lee car for Leezak?

Bonjour. Les reservations sont pour LeezaK.

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