Kajaki Page #2

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- You absolute knob.

Ma shot...

I swear to f***, Smudge, see if you make me

Jimmy f***ing Krankie one more time...

SONG OVER RADIO:

# I know where I'm going...

#... And I will stop at nothing

just to get what I want. It's the only way... #

Here, Smudge, watch this. Ready?

'pressive.

Ninja fingers, mate.

...weird.

- Mayo on sausage? You f***ing weirdo, mate.

It's sweet, mate. Mate, sausage,

cheese and mayo on a f***ing sandwich.

Swear to God, mate.

Don't look at me like that, I'm telling you.

Hurry up, man.

I'm f***ing starving.

NOISE OVER RADIO

There's a lot of f***ing about

down there, mush.

Oh. F***ing petrol station again, mate.

Here, go get Stu.

- Sure.

Stu, Stu, Stu, Stu. Wake up, mate.

Activity at the petrol station.

Come on, get your arse up.

Come on.

- F***ing hell. Alright, come on.

Bloody hell, Jar Head.

I was just getting to the good bit.

Right, what we looking at?

It's that f***ing petrol station again, mush.

They're persistent little bastards,

I'll give 'em that.

Right.

Kilo Two, this is Kilo Five, over.

WHITE NOISE:

Kilo Two, this is Kilo Five. Over.

For f***'s sake.

GUNSHO Kilo Five to Kilo Two.

What the f*** was that? Over.

HALE OVER RADIO:
Kilo Two. Enemy activity

in the vicinity of the petrol station. Over.

Roger, wait out.

GUNFIRE:

What's the rush, you f***ers.

We got all night.

Call it in.

Somebody get Mark.

- I'm here. What we got?

Contact from petrol station.

Hello Zero, this is Emerald Seventy-Nine. Over.

- OVER RADIO:
Kilo Four to Kilo Five

enemy fire from direction of petrol station.

I thought we'd smashed that?

- RADIO:
All ANA call signs...

Apparently not.

ANA call sign engaged. Wait out.

Roger, Kilo Four. Out.

Area around firing point clear.

Request CAS. Mark, you're up.

Hello Zero, this is Emerald Seventy-Nine,

JTAC requests immediate close air support. Over.

RADIO:

Roger, wait out.

RADIO:

Hello Emerald Seven Nine, this is Zero.

One Dutch F-sixteen available,

call sign Hitman One One. ETA two, out.

Roger last. Two minutes.

- Tidy.

Roger Kilo One, we're on this. Out.

Hello Hitman One One, this is Widow One Three.

- You got to hit those bastards hard and fast. Over.

Roger. Out. Again.

- Widow One Three, Hitman One One...

...has you five by five. Be advised

no laser munitions on pod at this time.

No LGB.

Jay, take post.

Hitman One One, we will illuminate target.

I will clear hot on your confirmation of target.

Copy, Widow One Three.

Fire Mission number two,

illum, X-ray one three.

Number two, illum, X-ray one three.

Guess we're not the only ones

who got re-supped today.

Ammo ready.

Number two, fire.

Number two firing.

Firing... Now!

Five, six, seven, eight, boom.

Spot on, Jay.

Hitman One One, target is lit.

- Master craftsman, this one.

Petrol station in low ground,

base of forward slope.

RADIO:
Tally target.

- Widow One Three, clear hot, clear hot.

RADIO:
Hitman One One, clear hot.

Hitman One One all hot, nine seconds.

He needs double tops...

EXPLOSION:

Still needs double tops.

- What's he f***ing doing over there?

Hitman One One, missed target.

That c*nt couldn't finish off his dinner.

- Target is two-hundred metres west...

Well it shut 'em up at least.

- ... of impact point. Request another run.

RADIO:

Hitman One One

negative Widow One Three,

I am bingo fuel. RTB. Out.

Hitman.

RADIO:

Zero this is Sandstone Two Eight, contact.

Multiple Chinese rockets fired

from Wombat Wood. Over.

Returning fire with GPMG...

- That Sangin?

...fifty cal and mortars. Over.

- Yeah.

We can pick them up forty-six k's away

but not Normandy one k away, mate.

F***ing scalies, right?

Yeah.

You just come from there?

- Yeah. R and R, but before then though, yeah.

Were you there when Bry Budd got killed?

Team medic. I saw him when he came in.

Brave f***er should get something for it.

Yeah, too right, mate. Too right.

We spent five weeks up there

with our arses hanging out.

I was there the night they hit the tower.

- I heard about that.

There was Pete Thorpe, Hashmi

and a terp listening to all the icomm chatter.

Told us to get down, knew something

was coming, then it f***ing took them all out.

Aye.

Anyway. You on selection, that you?

- Yeah, maybe.

I f***ed my knee on the hill

two years ago.

One shot left.

Gill's not exactly crazy about it, like.

What, your missus?

Fiance.

- Still do it though, yeah?

My uncle's an SSM in Hereford, mate.

Wouldn't let me hear the end of it if I didn't.

How about you?

- I don't know...

...maybe in a few years.

Yeah, good.

A NOISE:

- Shh, shh, shh, shh.

CLICKS TONGUE:

Dog biscuits?

Best mate's wife sends 'em out.

Yah.

- There a lot of mines out there?

Mate, this whole country's full of sh*t

left behind when armies f***ed off.

Roads, tanks, mujahideen.

CLICKS TONGUE:

Russians it was the mines.

Ten million f***ing mines.

Come on.

God knows what

we're going to leave behind.

Come on.

PEARSON:
Aye up. Looks like Kajaki Jon was

right for once. Definitely stopped that motor.

HALE:
Yeah they're pulling them out the back.

It's two adults, looks like, er, two children.

Cash changing hands.

Well, that's an illegal vehicle checkpoint

on the six one one, Corporal Pearson.

Militia threatening

and extorting money from civilians.

Well that explains that f***ing about last night.

- Hmmm.

Range?

Two-five, two-eight?

To far for a snipe.

- Not from here, yeah.

What about a mortar?

- Nah, civvies.

There's a possible firing position,

ridge to the south. Brings 'em in range.

Dunno, there's a lot of deep ground out there.

Cannae see any ground sign.

Could take the goat track down.

Smudge's been laying

trip flares down there, right?

Well... at least it ain't just another day

on Mount f***ing Longer.

F*** it.

We need to OK this with Spud, alright?

- Hmm.

Right, go and give the ladies a shout,

get a plan together.

I'll meet you back here in twenty.

Hey, there's one for you here, Jar Head.

'Tanning Tips for Red Heads. '

Comedy tips for c*nts.

Right, who fancies a bimble?

Yeah. - Yeah.

- I do.

RADIO:
Cobalt Four Five.

Acknowledge Cobalt Four Five.

RESPONSE:
Cobalt Four Five, roger.

Nothing further to report. Out.

Emerald Seven Nine, SITREP.

Nothing significant since last

engagement at zero one hundred.

Critical request for

three fifty battery re-sup. Over.

RADIO:
Requests at the end of the show.

Up on the roof Bronze seven seven. Over.

Go straight to RC South, Spud.

When I want your opinion

I'll f***ing give it to you, Prosser.

Right, change lads.

Cheers.

LAUGHS:

Admiring my Napoleonic combined

arms assault tactics, are we Jay?

Checkmate. Watch and learn, hat.

F*** it. I should have just

droned the sh*t out of you.

Once more unto the breach?

Once more unto the f***ing khazi.

Morning, mate.

Med kit?

- Yeah, mate, yeah.

Boys. Let's make it quick, yeah?

F***ing Ali. Ali f***ing Baba.

Bell end.

All OK'd?

Yeah.

Youse are good to go?

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