Kate & Leopold

Time.

Time, it has been proposed

is the fourth dimension.

And yet, for mortal man,

time has no dimension at all.

We are like horses

with blinders

seeing only

what lies before us.

Hear, hear.

Forever guessing the future

and fabricating the past.

-It's him.

-Who?

Brilliant.

Quite right, Your Grace.

How, you ask, can we lift

these shackles and live--

not in the moment

but in the glorious expanse

of time's continuum?

Listen, and I shall tell you.

The secret lies in the enduring

power of our achievements

our creations!

As the pyramids testify

to the Egyptians

so my glorious erection

shall represent

our culture in perpetuity.

Behold, rising before you

the greatest erection

on the continent.

The greatest erection

of the age!

The greatest erection

on the planet!

Hold this.

Of course.

For the Herald,

Your Grace.

I understand

you'll be making

an important announcement

tonight.

Good afternoon, ladies.

Please, excuse me, please.

Good afternoon.

And the Perrier-Jouet

should be chilled.

-You understand? Chilled.

-Yes, sir.

Leopold!

Leopold, where have you been?

Leopold!

Otis, I demand

explication!

It's half past 5:00!

He's not even dressed!

He'll be ready, my lord.

I assure you.

I don't want him ready.

I want him resplendent!

Ah, Miss Blaine.

You dance like a...

like a herd of cattle.

You are a rare woman

who lights up a room

simply by leaving it.

Might you be rich,

Miss Blaine?

You see, whilst I

am the third duke

the little secret of those

of us in the Royal Court--

apart from our

general uselessness--

is our massive

indebtedness.

It's always been

your misfortune, Leopold

that you so thoroughly

amuse yourself

with the sound

of your own voice.

In a life as

stagnant as mine

that I can amuse

myself at all

is an evolutionary

marvel.

Hmm.

Please don't touch that.

The device you were

jabbering about.

To take priests

to the bell tower.

To take anyone, Uncle, to

the floor they so desire.

Buildings continue to climb.

Soon they will outstrip

the stamina of our legs.

You speak of progress

and invention.

Yet what I offer you

downstairs is reality.

Take a wife. Marry.

Marriage...

marriage is the promise

of eternal love.

As a man of honour, I can

not promise eternally

what I have never

felt momentarily.

Born into privilege,

yet perversely ashamed of it.

That is your tragedy.

My God! If my brother

could only see you,

he'd be heartbroken.

You are no duke!

Of course I'm not.

The monarchy is dead, Uncle.

We are relics.

That is reality.

The new Royals are men

of accomplishment.

Men like Roebling,

with his bridge

Edison, with his lamp

Diesel, Bell, Westinghouse...

Those men made themselves

from nothing!

You, on the other hand,

were born with everything

and from it,

fashioned nothing.

As of tonight,

I wash my hands of you.

Take a good look

at your dance card, Leopold.

A wealthy bride

is your only surety.

Your Grace,

may I present Miss Tree

of the Trees

of Schenectady, sir.

of the Trees

of Schenectady, sir.

Miss Tree?

It's an honour to be making

your royal acquaintance,

Your Highness.

Shall we?

I've never been to England

but father's teeth

were made there.

He's quite rich, your father.

Oh, yes.

Many dreams, all useless.

Who are you?

Uh...

No, no, no.

Okay, rela...

Please, wait, no.

I don't want to harm you.

Stop! Please!

Sir, wait!

Please stop!

Please!

Stop, Leopold!

Pardon me.

Pardon me.

Go! Go!

Ya!

Ya!

Ya!

Stop, sir! Please!

Oh, my God.

No!

Oh!

Let go!

Just let go. It's okay!

You don't understand!

Let go!

Oh!

I don't want to hurt you!

Let go!

Goddamn it!

Whoa, whoa...

Beth...

What?

I'm sorry.

Yeah, well, you should be.

It's just...

If a guy like that

can get a girl like you

what's left for a guy like me?

Well, a guy like that

can get a girl like me

but a girl like me

will never love him.

Are you saying you love me?

It's possible.

Sometimes the snow

comes down in June

Sometimes the sun

goes round the moon

I see the passion

in your eyes...

Turn it up higher.

Just more.

Turn it up higher.

'Cause there was a time

when all I did...

I've never felt so happy.

You'd tell me this was love

It's not the way I hoped

Or how I planned

But somehow, it's enough...

If you don't know

what to write

you can just leave

it blank, okay?

It's really just about what

you're feeling, all right?

Okay. Great.

Okay, guy in the

windbreaker right there.

Two ladies

right in front of him.

I don't know, we're

doing the cards now.

We'll have the numbers

in about half an hour.

-Hey.

-Bye.

So, how do you think it went?

Well, if I had to guess:

Mid-60s, Barry.

Why don't they love it?

She's not likable.

-She's right.

-Absolutely.

Should do some trims where

she sleeps with her boss.

Cut that whole section.

Excuse me...

excuse me...

What-what are you

talking about?

The movie, Richard.

Your movie.

Oh, I'm aware of that.

Look, I want to say something.

I think Julie is likable--

very likable-- in this picture

and real.

What, excuse me,

you've never made

a mistake in your life?

You have no flaws?

You've never slept

with the wrong guy?

I'm not the protagonist

in a major motion picture.

Let me tell you something.

You people, with your tests

you are sucking the life

out of American cinema.

Shh. Richard.

Come on.

It's a comedy,

but it's also a drama.

It can be about something!

"You people are sucking the life

out of American cinema."

"You people are sucking the life

out of American cinema"?!

Don't you think

he's got a point, though?

What?

Well... don't you ever think

that what we do is a bit...

crass, cold?

Darci, we find out

what regular people think

and we pass on their wisdom.

That's what we do.

Is that crass? Is that cold?

I don't think so.

We make peanut butter creamier.

We make cereal crunchier,

sitcoms funnier

boring movies shorter.

We made Smucker's get the seeds

out of their jam.

We did that.

If you ask me, we're heroes.

Guess it just goes

with the territory

that every once in a while

some pompous jerk

sticks his head out of his cave

and says,

"Hey, I like seeds in my jam.

"Without seeds, it's just jelly.

You people are sucking the life

out of my condiments."

You know what I say to him?

This is what I say

to him, Darci:
you...

baby, you are one percent

of one percent.

Your opinion is irrelevant.

I went out with a visionary

like you for four years

and I had to pay his rent

because he couldn't stoop down

and get a job

like the rest of us?!

Kate, Kate, come on,

this is not about Stuart.

Yes, it is!

It is about Stuart.

It's about anybody

who can't face up to reality.

I don't care if it's crass

just give me the numbers,

give me the bottom line

give me the truth straight up,

no chaser.

Bart!

Wait!

Sh*t! Ow!

Oh, my God.

We must remember, Bart

that sometimes it is okay

to colour outside the lines.

Hello?

My Palm Pilot.

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