Kate & Leopold Page #2

You still have it.

Kate, it's 1:
00 in the morning.

And clearly you're awake,

so what is the infraction?

Look, Kate, I don't know

where your Palm Pilot is.

And I can't do this right now.

Not now. I'm expecting a call.

Oh, Bart.

Oh, I'm sorry, baby.

She is not a happy person.

Goddamn it!

You know what, Stuart?

You know what? I'm...

Kate...

Stuart...?

Please. I've got

somebody here, okay?

I know. I saw her.

No, you didn't.

Yes, I did!

It's a him, if that's

any kind of consolation to you.

So, look, now that you know

I'm not getting laid,

just go to bed, okay?

Nuh-uh, don't. Do not

hang up on me, Stuart.

Don't do that.

Kate, please.

I beg of you.

Something big is happening.

Something that validates

my entire life...

Something that validates

your entire life.

What could that possibly be?

Are you sitting down?

Yes.

-No, you're not.

-Yes, I am.

No, you're not.

Ye...

Okay.

I found it.

What did you find?

The portal.

A crack in the fabric of time.

It was over

the East River, Kate

just where I said it would be.

You found the portal?

A portal into April 28th, 1876.

I jumped off the Brooklyn Bridge

and took a walk in 1876 today.

I followed my great great

grandpa around old New York.

Are you listening?

Avidly.

This here's the twist, Kate.

Here's the kicker.

What's the kicker?

He followed me home.

Your great great grandfather?

Yes.

The Viscount of Buffalo.

No, he's not a viscount.

Viscou... Duke of Buffalo.

No, no, the Duke of Albany.

...Albany followed you home

through a crack in time.

He's a brilliant engineer.

He patented

the counterweight pulley.

He invented the elevator,

for Christ's sake.

You know what, Stuart?

You know what?

I'm not your girlfriend anymore.

I haven't been

for a whole month now.

You can tell me the truth.

I am telling you

the truth, Kate.

You can tell me you went

and picked up a transvestite

in Times Square.

I don't care.

You know what, Kate?

This is it, right here.

This is it, in a nutshell.

Our downfall.

You never-- not once--

believed in me.

Oh, I did, Stuart.

I did, for four years.

And I got burnt.

Okay, you want to know

who he is?

I'll tell you who he is.

He is a hacker.

High end. English.

I know him from Columbia.

He's in town for the Mac Expo

at the Javits.

We went out, got a little sloppy

on Guinness

and he passed out on my couch.

And that's the truth?

Mm-hmm. That's the truth.

Okay? Are you happy now?

Is that plausible enough

for you and your little

focus group?

You know what, Stuart?

I blew my best years on you.

Those were your best?

Look...

I'm sorry.

I have to go.

You'll get your Pilot

in the morning.

Orange alert.

Oh!

Otis!

Otis!

Bart, stop!

It's okay.

-It's okay.

-Where am l?

Well, um, there's not

an easy explanation for that.

If it's a ransom you seek,

my uncle won't pay a cent.

Except, perhaps, for my demise.

No. no. You're not

being kidnapped.

Bart, quiet!

I can scarcely see,

thanks to your spray.

My eyes feel like

Steak au Poivre.

So I ask you again,

where the hell am I?!

As far as I'm concerned,

you might be Jack the Ripper!

And you would have me believe

that I'm being detained

at present in the hereafter?

The time to come?

Yes.

Bart, quiet!

He needs a walk.

And you would

have me believe

that you are my progeny

product of a marriage unmade.

Yes.

Oh, and you

would have me believe

that you have found

a crack in time.

You, of all people,

should understand.

I mean, you're a scientist.

You invented the elevator.

What is an elevator?

What the hell

are you talk...

Where the hell am I?!

I told you--

you haven't

actually gone anywhere.

You're still in New York.

That, sir,

is not New York!

I'm afraid it is.

No, Kate.

Hello. Hello there.

What's your name?

-Leopold.

-Tell me something.

I'm having trouble

with my G-5.

How much RAM do I need

to properly run OS 9.6?

Clearly, the Mac Expo is out.

So you must be...

a man out of time?

Or Sergeant Pepper?

You know what?

Actually, we could use

a little privacy.

Stuart, I want

my Palm Pilot.

I'm not...

I'm serious.

Maybe later on, Kate.

I just want my Palm

Pilot, Stuart!

No. No.

Hey, give me my

Palm Pilot!

Give it to me.

This is madness.

This is madness.

Who was that?

I-I feel as if I've seen her...

Women have changed

since your time, Leo.

They've become dangerous.

It's on the landing!

You say this is no kidnapping.

You say you mean no harm.

Then why is it, sir,

you will not unlock the door?

I'm sorry, okay?

I'm sorry about her. I'm...

Look, with all due respect

I can't let you just go

running around free

out there, okay?

This is New York City.

It's not such a safe

place anymore.

Look at you.

You look like some sort

of psychotic escapee

from a Renaissance

fayre.

I understand you

have some anxiety

but you have

to trust me.

I'm going to get

you home, okay?

I promise.

Bart!

The portal opens up again

next week. Monday.

I know that, because it was

my back-up in case

I didn't make it

last night.

It's on a cycle,

you know?

Kind of like, uh...

total eclipse.

Once every 20 years.

You understand?

Generally,

I understand everything.

Since I've met you, nothing.

I can only assume

I'm in a nightmare

brought on by agita,

or else I am dead.

You're not dead.

Come here. Sit down.

Here.

Want some milk in yours?

Bart, can I just have...

Sorry. He's-he's really

got to go out.

Look here.

Uh...

I'd be honoured

if you took a look at those.

Um, I'll explain everything

when I get back.

He's got to go out

or he's going to drop

a bomb in there.

Come on. Let's go.

Back in five.

One quick trip to Spectra, Bart

and you and I will be Nobel...

Laureates.

Come on, Bart.

Hey, let's go.

-Come on.

Let's go!

Oh!

Oh.

Oh, Jesus!

Good boy, Bart!

Stay!

Stay, Bart!

Stay!

Oh, Bart, please stay!

Stuart

you forgot

the pointy thing!

Stuart...

Look, this is

not complex.

He gave me the Palm Pilot

but he forgot

the pointy thing.

I've been warned about you.

Oh. Really?

And what, pray tell

did the great

disappointment say?

That you were dangerous,

though you hardly look it.

-Oh, really?

-A lady in trousers isn't

dangerous, merely plain.

I take it you're

a career woman.

Yeah, market research.

Mm. Fine avocation

for women, research.

Perfect for the feminine mind.

Huh.

You're a trip, Lionel.

I myself once courted

a librarian in Sussex.

Oh.

Good for you.

Aha!

I must confess

I feel as though we've met

on a previous occasion.

Well, Lionel, seeing as

I've never met a single

friend of Stuart's--

I'm not even sure

he's ever had any--

I really don't see

how that's possible.

Oh, man! Bart!

He just made Lake Erie

out there.

You just can't toss a dog

out into the hall like that.

You can't do that.

I assure you, I did not.

Let's go.

I beg your pardon?

Come on.

Let's go!

Bart...

Look, pal, I don't care

how many elevators you got.

This one's in my building.

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