Khali the Killer Page #3

---

...and come to work with us,

already.

-I don't like Jewish food.

-Isaac, don't offend Mother.

What?

He doesn't like my food. Big deal.

-I didn't.

-He didn't say your food, Mom.

I gotta go.

You're going out again tonight?

I thought you were

going to take me shopping.

I'm meeting with clients.

I'll take you. We'll have more fun,

anyway.

Y'all have a good time okay.

Aren't you forgetting something?

Kisses, kisses...

Snooky, snooky. Bye.

Love you!

-Love you too. Ya'll have fun okay.

You guys are adorable!

Simply adorable.

-So?

-What?

Oh come on. You've always been a

horrible liar.

-What are you talking about?

-Come on!

For lunch, egg salad, not tuna.

Water, not wine with dinner.

You're pregnant!

-I wanted to tell Isaac first.

I knew it! I knew it! Even before

the tuna salad, I knew it!

You just have that glow!

-I know. Okay so um...

If it's a boy, I wanna name it

Khali.

-Oh.

-It means good.

You gotta be f..g kidding me.

I like that.

If it's a girl, I wanna name

it after you.

What kind of f..g choice?

You know what to do.

You don't have a f..g choice!

You don't have a f..g choice!

Go in there and you f..g kill her!

You put her f..g brains

all over the f..g wall!

You f..g b*tch I don't care.

Hi.

Oh yeah I forgot.

You don't speak Spanish.

I mean I understand a little.

How do you grow up in East L.A.

and not know Spanish?

I mean if you didn't talk

so damn fast...

...maybe I could understand

what the hell you're saying.

These are frijoles.

-Frijoles.

-Fre-jo-les.

Arroz.

-Arros.

-Arroz.

Arroz? Aroz?

You can't roll your R's, can you?

Stop!

-Go.

-Arroz.

Arroz.

Closer. Watch my mouth.

Arroz.

Arroz.

A little bit better.

-Okay.

-Cul es tu signo?

What's my sign? Really?

Oh nice so you only know

pick up lines.

You're such a bendejo, go away!

Cook me something to eat.

-Ah come on! That was good.

-Yeah all right.

-All right frijoles.

-Go!

I am in control. I am in control.

I am in control.

I am not a victim.

I am not a victim.

-I just came home and...

...my wife's been shot.

Hello? Hello? Hello?

My wife and my mother in law.

Calm down Isaac,

calm down, calm down.

Calm down, calm down.

Calm the f..k down!

-Isaac is that you?

-What the f..k!

Oh my God.

You've vomited all over my

hard wood floor. And my rug.

He'll clean it up, mom.

He's been out again with

those porno girls.

-He was with Don and Tracy.

-I know it.

Wait, wait.

You were checking up on me?

I have a right to know

where you are.

Oh and, thank you for inviting

me to the party.

You said it was a

business thing.

It was a business thing.

Don's my client.

A client? He bought a mattress

from you, two years ago.

Yes, a Cali King.

-I'm going to bed.

-Pillow top. He paid me two grand.

Affirmation time.

I am not a victim.

I create my life and my destiny.

I am not a victim.

I create my life and my destiny.

This is good.

I told you, right?

I don't just cook Spanish.

Thai, Mediterranean...

Italian. Whatever you want.

I got you.

-Damn, okay.

Oh, I love this song!

-You dance?

-Yeah, I dance.

I don't salsa though.

-You don't salsa?

-No.

How can you be from East L.A.

and not salsa?

-You don't!

-What...

Ah get up. Let me show you, let me

show you.

-No!

-Come on, come on I got you.

One step forward.

And two steps back.

You're gonna show me how to salsa?

Yeah I gotta see this. Okay.

One step forward.

And two steps back.

Just like my life.

-Yeah?

Always trying to move forward.

S..t just always happens.

-So, you're a victim?

-Nah, I ain't no victim.

There you go.

One step forward. Two steps back.

What is it you do anyway?

I told you.

Oh, yeah, a repo man?

That's what you used to say.

It's like I do the s..t work

that nobody else wants to do.

That's what I do. Come on.

But if they don't pay their bills,

I guess they deserve it?

Sometimes they do. Sometimes

they're just like the rest of us.

Everybody screws up.

But we try our best right?

One step forward, two steps back?

You're corny stop.

Come on! One step forward.

Two steps back.

Hold on a second.

Hey baby.

Hey babe.

Sorry to bother you at work.

Oh it's okay I was

on a break. What up?

Tori wants some canned pasta

but I can't find it anywhere.

And I just reorganized the

whole pantry.

So, I have a pretty good handle on

the status of the canned goods.

I always hide it from her or

she eats too much. It's in the...

...it's on the top shelf behind.

It's by my smoothie

stuff next to the chia seeds.

-Okay love you.

-Okay.

Well I gotta get back.

-Okay babe have a good shift.

I will.

Hey I gotta go.

Oh yes! Oh yes! Yes!

Cor, Cor!

I just hit sixteen mil on

Trivia Bomb it's your turn!

-Hey.

-Hey babe.

Hey, do you think I can have the

bathroom to myself?

Uh yeah. Yeah, no, no problem.

I can

just do my neti pot later.

-I love you bunches.

-I love you too.

The Cartel found out that Isaac

hired me.

And they weren't about to let

me off the hook.

Get in the car.

They wanted the blood to be on my

hands.

Not theirs.

You didn't do your job, Khali.

See, we could have done it for you.

But we don't want to get

our hands dirty.

But if we have to we will.

Oh and Khali...

If our friend Isaac finds

out about any of this...

...we'll skin you alive.

Mom. why are you still a

member at Hillgate, anyway?

Like I would never show my

face there.

Well, your father loved it.

So, when he divorced me...

...I told my lawyer I wanted

his membership.

It's not one of my

favorite country clubs...

...but you should never

underestimate the power of spite.

-Hola, senorita.

-Just listen, okay?

What's my favorite color?

What?

Just answer. Please?

Yellow.

What kind of yellow?

The washed out yellow.

Like the one on the

convertible on your screen saver.

What's my favorite song?

Cruisin' the D'Angelo version.

How many birthmarks do I have?

A cross-shaped

birthmark on your left ass cheek.

And a scar from wrecking your Huffy

bike, when you were 11 years old.

You were a horrible teacher.

You were

a horrible student.

If you would listen, maybe you

could ride a bike today.

You know me better than anybody.

I'd say that's true.

You love me.

I do.

That wasn't a question.

I know you do.

And I know you'll take care of me.

Look.

I don't care what you

did in the past.

I know that you banged.

And I was a little hood rat.

I did some s..t to pay the bills.

Some bad s..t.

But I'm straight now.

And I'm responsible.

And I just need to know for

me, and for my daughter.

Are you good?

Yes.

I'm good.

I love you.

So? When are you gonna tell Isaac?

I think I'm gonna surprise him.

I think I wanna cook

his favorite meal.

Oh, speaking of meals,

you better watch yourself.

You don't wanna use a

pregnancy as an excuse to pig out.

What? Mom.

When I had you, I only

gained twenty pounds.

Then, in less than a month, I was

back in my little black dress.

Is that from me?

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes