Killer Klowns from Outer Space

1

Killer klowns

P. T. Barnum said it so long ago

There's one born every minute

That you know

Some make us laugh

Some make us cry

These clowns

only gonna make you die

Everybody's runnin'

When the circus

comes into the towns

Everybody's gunnin' for the likes

Of the killer klowns

Chuckle

The ringmaster shouts

"Let the show begin"

Send in the clowns

Then they'll let you in

See the rubber nose

On the painted face

Bringing genocide

to the human race

It's time to take a ride

On the nightmare merry-go-round

You'll be dead on arrival

From the likes

of the killer klowns

From outer space

There's cotton candy

in their hands...

Little son of a b*tch.

Cops

This is Mooney calling in.

Read you. What's doing, Curt?

Nothing yet, Dave,

but Friday night's just starting.

I'm heading across town

to the park.

Check in with you later.

That was a hot tune

from The Doorman,

but now we're going

to slow it down a little bit

for all you make-out artists

at the Top of the World.

Give me a cold one.

All right.

I'm Jojo the ice cream clown

with the bestest ice cream in town.

We'll give you the stick,

you give it a lick,

and it'll tickle you

all the way down.

Ice cream, ice cream.

We brought our goodies

here to you--

a tasty treat for while you screw.

Let's take a break.

Cool off those hot lips

with our tasty

frozen fruity bars--

icy wicys,

fudgy wudgy bars,

and everyone's favorite

frozen delight,

the lick-a-stick.

Jeez, what the--

Get out of here,

you morons!

Hey, take

your ice cream and get lost.

Oh, yeah?

Quiet down.

You got the speaker on.

Beat it, you jerk.

So, you don't want

any ice cream?

Well, you're not getting any.

We were getting it

before you showed up.

Those guys, man--

What the hell

are they doing here?

Great idea, Paul.

Everybody loves ice cream.

What do you mean?

It was your idea.

Hey, why don't we just

park here for a while?

Hey, what are you guys

trying to pull here?

Well, we thought we'd

park here for a while.

You said we could have

all the ice cream we wanted,

but you didn't say

anything about parking.

What kind of girls

do you think we are?

I told you they

weren't that stupid.

We want you to take us

home right now.

- Yeah.

- Take it easy.

Keep your shirt on.

Don't worry. We intend to.

Well, this worked out just great.

Don't blame me.

I didn't want to come here.

Hey, why don't we try the drive-in?

Oh, that's dumb.

Hey, wait a minute.

What's playing?

Knuckleheads.

You know those guys?

Those guys are

my best friends from school.

I tell you, whenever

I want to have a good time,

I call Rich and Paul.

A night outwith those guys...

...is a total adventure.

What am I talking about

the Terenzi brothers for,

when I would much rather

- be kissing you?

- Oh...

This is great.

Yeah.

Wow, check that out.

Did you see that?

Yeah, I saw that.

That was incredible.

Well, I'll be hornswoggled.

Did you see

that little old sky guppy

zip down in there, Pooh?

Hoo!

It's Halley's Comet,

and he's landed in our backyard.

There's gonna be

thousands of people.

Thousands of people are coming.

They're gonna have hot dogs.

Gonna have helicopters and airplanes

and tacos.

It's--

This is our lucky day.

We's gonna be rich, Pooh.

We gonna be rich.

Come on, let's go check it out.

Oh, come on. No way.

Debbie, it's a waste of time.

It's got to be 1,000 miles away.

We'd ruin our whole evening.

Don't give me that.

You saw how close it was.

It landed right over the hill.

Now, that is not 1,000 miles away.

Come on.

You can find it,

Mr. Adventure.

Debbie, don't you want

to finish our champagne?

Take it with us.

Come on.

OK.

Heel.

Come on, come on.

Attention, dog. Come on.

Well...

I'll be greased and fried.

What in blue blazes

is the circus doing

up in these parts?

I love the circus.

Come on.

Maybe we can get us

some free passes.

Come on, Pooh.

I never seen one that looked

like this one before.

Well...

I don't know, Pooh.

You know, there's something

kind of peculiar around here.

Where is everybody?

There ain't nobody around.

Where-- where's

the dang ticket booth?

How are we supposed to get in

and see the show?

Pooh?

Pooh Bear?

Where is that dog?

Pooh?

Something funny's happening

around here.

What in tarnation's going on here?

Oh!

Where's my dog?

Where's my Pooh Bear?

I'll tear this thing apart

with my bare hands!

Oh, ha-ha! Ow!

This thing is wired.

All right, get in there!

What's going on, Curt?

Same old sh*t.

I caught them boozing it up

in the park.

We're just walking through the park

on the way to the dorm.

We had a bottle of wine.

Yeah. It's a beautiful night.

We were walking around.

We didn't do nothing.

You guys go to the college, right?

Yeah. Yeah, right.

So why don't you just stay there

and do your drinking on campus?

Why do you have to come into town?

Well, I mean,

we live in this town, too.

I mean, we don't have

to just stay on campus.

Yeah...

and it's scum like you

that are killing this town.

Come on, Curt! Curt!

Come on, come on, Curt.

Now, just take it easy.

What's the matter, Dave?

You got a thing

for these little boys?

Empty your pockets!

We just had a little wine.

What's the problem?

You're the problem,

you little sh*t!

Just lighten up, Mooney.

Just lighten up.

Back off, Dave.

Open container,

public intoxication,

littering, disturbing the peace,

resisting arrest--

These kids are history.

Unless you want to rewrite the laws,

Mr. Police Academy.

Look. You got this

problem with my training,

I don't care,

but when you bring someone

into the station,

I don't want to see you

beating them up.

Now, if you're going to book them,

do it according to procedure,

or I swear, Curt,

you and that badge of yours

will be history.

I'll tell you what's going

to be history, Dave--

these kids.

Now, get in there.

Get in there!

Sh*t.

Yeah, it looks like we're

going to have to walk from here.

Let's see.

If instinct serve chief correct...

- Uh-huh.

- Path lie...

that way.

We must travel many moons--

many...

many moons.

Many...

many...

Enough already

with the moons.

Lead the way,

Chief Running-at-the-mouth.

Holy sh*t.

That was no shooting star.

Looks like a...

Circus tent.

What's a circus tent

doing all the way out here?

It's a pretty lousy

location for a show.

Something's wrong.

This-- this doesn't feel right.

Weren't we looking

for the shooting star?

Come on, this looks neat.

Let's check this out.

No.

Let's go. I've seen enough.

Oh, come on, Deb.

I want to take a closer look.

You can stay here.

Alone?

Well, would you be more scared

if you came with me

or if I left you here?

If you left me here.

Let's go.

Come on.

Come on.

OK, OK. I'm coming.

Come on, let's check this out.

No. Mike.

Mike, we-- we better not.

Deb, you are going

to love this.

Don't be a baby.

This is bizarre.

What kind of circus is this?

This is that new wave

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