Kind Hearts And Coronets Page #8

Some fellows would have

taken it very differently.

But "May the best man win,"

you said.

And when I won,

you behaved like a gentleman.

So I thought as...

you being keen on Sibella

at one time...

and you and I are old friends,

I - I'd ask you to help us.

Help you?

I told you some time back

business hasn't been going so well.

Since then, it's gone worse.

I'm bankrupt.

So I say to myself,

"Why not talk to my old pal, Louis Mazzini...

"who we used to have such jolly times with

round the old nursery fire...

roasting chestnuts. "

I'm afraid your memory is deceiving you.

By no stretch of imagination could you and I

be described as ever having been pals.

If I remember correctly, we detested each other

cordially from the first day we met...

with a detestation

which increased with our years.

Always thought of you as a pal.

Always have done.

That's why I said to myself-

It's only fair to warn you that any further expense

of breath on this subject would be a waste.

You know what you're doing?

- Condemning me to death.

- What do you mean?

Only one way out for me:

do away with myself.

If you knew how absurd

these histrionics sounded -

I'm insured. At least the little woman

will be provided for.

- Oh, don't be ridiculous.

- Louis, I appeal to you.

Not for my sake,

but for the sake of the little woman.

Please rise from that absurd position.

All I can say is

I th-think you're a cad.

A selfish cad.

Let me remind you of a little

not-so-ancient history.

When I was a draper's assistant and you

a rich father's son, you showed me no kindness.

Now our positions are reversed,

and you come whining to me for favors.

Draper's assistant.

That's right.

Rotten little counterjumper.

That's all you are.

Very high and mighty now...

but your mother married

an Italian organ-grinder.

- Stand up.

- Huh?

I said stand up.

I will not tolerate hearing

my mother's name on your coarse tongue.

If you take my advice, you'll go

and put your head under a cold tap.

I refuse to demean myself

by fighting with a drunken oaf.

There seemed no point

in prolonging this vulgar brawl...

so I returned to my apartment.

I took a bath and decided to relax

for half an hour...

and efface this disagreeable scene

from my memory.

I was not allowed to relax for long.

Sibella.

Louis, I'm sorry to worry you

when you must be so busy...

but I have a piece

of important news.

Bad news.

I thought you ought to know it at once.

Lionel has found out about us.

About me coming here.

- Really?

- Yes.

Oh.

I had the most dreadful scene

with him last night.

Well, I suppose even Lionel isn't

stupid enough to be deceived forever.

You won't take it so calmly

when you hear.

He's going to start

divorce proceedings.

How very unsophisticated of him.

There's only one possible

way out that I can see.

- And that is?

- Lionel is still in love with me.

My happiness

is all he cares about.

He might do the gentlemanly thing

and let me divorce him.

If?

If I were in a position to explain to him...

that otherwise he will be jeopardizing

the social position not only of the future duke...

but also the future

I see.

You're a clever little thing, Sibella,

but not quite clever enough.

What do you mean?

I mean that not only do I know

that you're blackmailing me -

an ugly word,

but the only appropriate one -

but I also know

that you're bluffing me.

Call my bluff and see.

I will.

Let me explain. It must have seemed to you

that you hold a very strong hand...

but - a very important "but" -

it so happens that I hold a card which

you did not even know to be in the pack.

Who's bluffing now?

It so happens that I was with Lionel

less than an hour ago.

And it was transparently clear

from his demeanor and conversation...

that he had not the faintest suspicion

that you and I had any relationship...

other than that of-

as he would probably put it-

old pals who used to roast chestnuts

together round the jolly old nursery fire.

So, while thanking you

for the honor that you've done me...

I must decline your offer

because I have other arrangements...

which make it impossible for me

to accept it.

Namely?

I'm shortly going to announce

my engagement to Mrs. D'Ascoyne.

May I say that I think

you've behaved despicably?

Has it ever occurred to you, Sibella,

that we serve each other right, you and I?

Would it be asking too much of your manners

to escort me to the door?

I had suspected

that to confide our secret to the duke...

might be an adroit maneuver,

and I was proved correct...

for it produced an invitation for Edith and me

to spend a few days at the castle.

I must confess that I could not suppress

an agreeable sensation of triumph...

as I approached

the castle gateway...

in circumstances so different

from those in which I had last done so.

It was just an informal

little house party.

Our fellow guests were Lady Redpole

and her daughter Maud...

who most suitably resembled

nothing so much as a red poll cow...

and had little more

conversational ability.

- Did you go to the opera this season?

- No.

In the afternoon,

Ethelred invited me to inspect the castle.

It was pleasant to stand

on the battlements...

and know that the acres

which stretched as far as the eye could see...

would soon be mine.

And it amused me to cover much the same

ground as that of my sixpenny tour.

I had never been in a building

so lavishly equipped...

with the instruments

of violent death.

Feel the weight of that.

Our ancestors must have

been fine men, Louis.

They seemed, however, ill-adapted...

to the discreet requirements

of 20th-century homicide.

And the end of the day found my host

still intact and myself still without a plan.

Beautiful woman, Edith.

You're a lucky fellow, Louis.

I never cease to be conscious of that.

- Thank you.

- What do you think of Maud?

Uh, charming girl, though perhaps at times

her conversation is a little, uh, lacking in sparkle.

Dullest woman

I ever met in my life.

Plain too.

But good breeding stock.

Good breeding stock,

the Redpoles.

And they litter a very high

proportion of boys.

Do I gather you to mean -

Spoke to old Lady Redpole

this afternoon.

Only too glad to get the girl

off her hands.

My congratulations.

Duty to the family, really.

And when does the, uh,

union take place?

Very soon.

I'm not growing any younger.

Mightn't get a son the first time.

Quiet wedding, I thought.

Maud's hardly the type

for St. Margaret's.

We shall honeymoon on the Riviera

and then go on to Italy afterwards.

No sense inflicting her

on one's friends.

When she's got a family,

that'll keep her out of the way.

This news threw me into such distress of mind...

that, had I had poison

in my possession...

I would probably have administered it

to Ethelred there and then...

and chanced

the consequent inquiries.

One thing was clear-

If I did not succeed in disposing ofhim...

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