King of Hearts Page #2

I don't either.

I'm not here

for cock-and-bull stories!

I'm too old

for cops and robbers!

- How old are you, young man?

- Look, I've had it with you!

- You're hurting me!

- Where is the blockhouse?

What's a blockhouse?

He's mad!

King of Hearts!

I'm the king of the fools!

I have to warn them!

Thank God you're still here!

Don't worry, it's me.

I just got some new clothes. That's all.

Now, one of you has got to take

a message to the Colonel.

Fine. You can decide between you.

From Charles Plumpick

to Headquarters.

Wrong town. Inhabitants odd.

Chimpanzee checkkmate.

Encountered single bear, two lions...

but no contact with Mackerel.

Little Fat, it's going to be you.

It is. It's going to be you. Yes.

Let me put this on your leg.

Your little leg because I don't

want to hurt you, you see.

That's right.

I forgot the most important!

Postscript:

Blockkhouse disappeared.

Good luck!

Carrier pigeon... shoot it!

Hurry, read it!

"From Charles Plumpick."

"Blockhouse disappeared."

Hamburger, take some men

and go see about it.

You men, come with me,

on the double!

Message from Plumpick, sir.

It's high time too.

"Difficulties:
wrong town,

inhabitants odd...

encountered single bear

and two lions...

but unable

to make contact mackerel."

Gentlemen, I'm sure there's no real

reason to be needlessly alarmed...

but it would appear that the outcome

of this whole campaign...

is now in the hands

of a stark, raving lunatic!

Private Pumpernickel

has gone crackers!

Captain, will you find

three volunteers now?

- Men.

- Sir!

- I want you to leave immediately.

- Sir!

Stop! Come back here!

Where the devil

do you think you're going?

No idea, sir!

Look here. Here!

Come and find out.

- You're going after Pumpernickel!

- Sir!

Stop!

To disarm that blockhouse!

Pumpernickel.

Isn't that a German name?

A polka, Hyacinth!

Look... someone's here.

Got a light?

Buy me a drink?

What a big spender!

Want to know my name?

That's no answer!

My name is Hyacinth.

Shall I dress as a housewife,

a mummy or a nun?

You look fine this way.

Listen...sit down...

and don't move.

- Are you a whore?

- Yes!

- And I'm your customer?

- Yes!

Good. We understand each other.

Do you know what war is?

Surrounding the town...

there in the hills...

are people who want

to hurt you.

Go tell them I'm harmless.

It wouldn't work.

The town may blow up

any minute now...

I might not even get to finish

this sentence!

What a shame.

You have a nice voice.

Listen, that's just a pipe dream.

I'll tell you my secret.

I live in the moment.

- That's all that counts.

- You're right, but...

I'm not the girl for you, that's all.

I'll getyou someone else.

Girls!

Daffodil or Rosie,

Forget-me-not or Poppy.

The choice is yours.

Or maybe not.

There's no mistaking a look like that.

Unspoiled and beautiful.

I'm Poppy. And you?

Charles.

- Blush! Men go for that.

- Do I frighten him?

Sure. Men seem tough,

but they're soft as asparagus tips.

Teeny babies at heart.

- Come on... come in.

- Staying with us?

To teach you a thing or two about

the birds and the bees.

You don't know where to start?

Neither do I.

This is the bedroom.

The bed. The lamp. The switch.

I suggest starting in the dark,

then turn the light on.

Look at the object

of your desire carefully.

Turn the light off again. Love is

played like checkers, black and white.

- Will he get naked?

- Yes. Don't be nasty.

There's liquor to drink.

I've drawn the curtains.

I feel like I've always known you.

What would you like?

To lose my memory.

It's easy.

- What are you doing?

- Keyhole-peeping. Shut the door.

The King of Hearts!

What are you doing here, sir?

Love has brought

the King back to us!

All aboard, your Majesty.

This way, everyone.

The Duke is very emotional.

I once saw him cry

when a fly died. A fly!

At Waterloo, in '1 5.

He's still crying.

Cousin, you're back at last!

But what a state!

Quick!

A shirt and a sandwich!

Melons and a hat!

Stockings!

The Duchess, my wife.

An old bat.

Her feet are always cold.

But I've loved her

for more than 60 years.

Sire, here are my children.

Blow your nose.

Comb your hair.

- Where's Baby?

- There, Mommy!

Alberic, what do you say?

- Long live the King!

- Right.

- Some candy?

- Excuse me, it's a souvenir.

You must rest

before the coronation.

Well, the dromedary is harnessed. You

know how impatient these animals are.

See foryourself.

- Where are we going?

- To the cathedral.

1 2th century. A bit restored, like my

wife. But I love her, and you will, too.

Little rascal!

I'll tan your behind!

Will you be still?

It's the greatest day

of my life.

I've always wanted

the cheers of a nation...

seated next to the handsomest man.

Don't exaggerate.

But I must!

Without it there's nothing!

Everyone here is so happy,

and I've come to break up their party.

These flowers, your friends,

this kindness--

They will all die, and there's nothing

I can do about it.

A real king can do anything.

Maybe, but not me.

Time flies.

Everything will blow up,

as sure as my name is Charles.

Look! Soldiers!

Greetings.

Your missal. Your rosary.

Where has Alberic gone to?

Back there in the sacristy.

He's always into everything!

That's fine, darling.

What is this carnival?

Take those hats off!

What a mess!

To the blockhouse!

Sire, allow me to make a comment

about all this.

Your mind is obviously somewhere else.

This is a sacred moment...

and you're fidgeting!

Do you have to pee?

So, what's the matter? Smile!

I'm scared.

You don't like theater?

What theater?

World theater.

Training school.

The Comedie Francaise, the Vatican.

Ceremonials, masquerades!

Smile. Smile!

The crown. The crown?

Nobody has the crown?

Sire, do you have a crown on you?

No, but I'll go look for one.

Company, halt!

What is this nonsense?

Hurry up, and clear this away.

- Everything's set right?

- Yes, sir.

Who's over there?

Stop!

Long live the King!

Damn! Here we go again!

You needn't have bothered, Sire.

We have found a crown.

Drat! I've got a frog in my throat

from all the stinking smoke!

Thank you.

We've done something fine.

Long live the King!

Long live the King of Hearts!

We want a speech!

He's so beautiful!

My dear flock. Ladies. Citizens.

Life is a valley of tears.

We enter this world with a cry...

and we leave with a sigh.

And do you think it pleases God to see

His creatures crying all the day long?

In truth I tell you, our kingdom...

His kingdom--is Joy.

The Arab in his desert

carries with him...

his fountains and Heaven--

Heaven...is the empire

of the prisoner behind bars.

Give me the ball!

Stop!

- My respect, Admiral.

- Enter, gentlemen.

What a splendid machine.

You must get off some nice shots

with this, huh?

- How about a little ride?

- I would be delighted.

The fish in the pond, the bird

in the bush, the lamb in his wool...

friends in our thoughts...

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