Kingsman: The Golden Circle

1

MAN (DISTORTED VOICE): Eggy.

You mind if I share your cab?

Charlie?

It's ironic, isn't it?

You look like a gentleman,

I look like a pleb.

If I was you,

I'd unlock your cab.

(BEEPING)

(CHARLIE GRUNTS)

Pete, get us out of here!

(CHARLIE GRUNTING)

(TIRES SQUEALING)

(GRUNTING)

(UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYING

ON SPEAKERS)

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

You think that sh*t's

gonna work this time?

You're way out of your depth.

(YELLS)

(METAL SCRAPING)

(YELLS)

(SCREAMS)

(groans)

(YELLS)

(GASPS)

F***!

(YELLS)

(GRUNTING)

(SCREAMS)

(GRUNTS)

(YELLS)

(GRUNTS)

(YELLS)

(PANTING)

(ENGINE REVVING)

(WHIRRING)

(TIRES SQUEALING)

Take him out!

Merlin! We've got

a Code Purple.

My driver's down.

Permission to blow

these f***ers away.

MERLIN:
Denied.

Cannot be contained.

Head south,

I'm clearing the route.

(GASPING)

Sh*t!

Merlin, I'm entering Hyde Park.

Can I get on with it?

Merlin!

Dark zone confirmed.

Permission to fire.

Oh, thank f*** for that!

(BEEPS)

MERLIN:
No time to relax.

Police are right behind you.

You have 30 seconds before

they reach your position.

Go directly to Rendezvous Swan.

Merlin, you do realize

I haven't even got a windscreen right now?

I seem to remember

from your training

you were rather good

at holding your breath.

(SIRENS WAILING)

(SIGHS)

(DEEP INHALE)

(GASPING)

(COUGHING)

MERLIN:
It wasn't

a revenge mission.

Charlie could've just

killed you immediately.

Not boasting,

but I trained him well enough

that even he wouldn't

mess that up.

EGGSY:
Merlin, I'm sorry,

we're gonna have to do

the debrief tomorrow.

I've got to get

to a dinner tonight...

and if I miss it, let's just say

Charlie might as well

have killed me.

Well, if you can't wait

for the police

to clear the park...

there's another way out

in the corner.

(GAGS AND COUGHS)

F***!

(CHUCKLES)

(EGGSY GROANS)

How important is that dinner?

(SIGHS)

Let me show you.

(WHIRRING)

(GRUNTS)

(GASPING)

For f***'s sake!

(DOOR OPENS)

Babe.

I'm home!

I'm here.

What the hell happened?

It's a long story

that deserves a kiss.

(CHUCKLES) Not even JB

would kiss you right now.

EGGSY:
If you really love me,

just one little kiss.

(GASPS)

You were really gonna do it?

Yeah.

Now, that is

true love right there.

Amazing. I'm gonna

go get changed.

GROUP:
Happy birthday to you!

(CHEERING AND WHOOPING)

And Tilde made that

for you herself, bruv.

PRINCESS TILDE:
Mmm-hmm.

The royal baker's not available.

(LAUGHTER)

Oh, shut up, Brandon.

Especially if you

want some of this.

Oh! Wait. Is that that

Swedish stuff right there?

Yes.

No, no. I ain't drinkin'

none of that.

Last time here,

I was wrecked, man.

Yeah, but that's 'cause you

were a lightweight, Jamal.

(LAUGHING)

No, no, babe, I'm good.

Not for me, thank you.

Oh, what?

What's going on, man?

I'm meeting her parents

for the first time

tomorrow night.

(WHOOPING)

I wanna make a good

impression, so what?

Oh, yeah, Jamal,

are you free to dogsit JB

tomorrow night

while we're there?

Ah, sorry, bruv, I've got

to look after my nan tomorrow.

But Liam's free, though.

EGGSY:
Oh, yeah?

I can't, mate.

I'm allergic to dogs.

Bullshit.

Dogshit, actually.

(laughing)

That leaves you, Brandon.

What you doing tomorrow night?

Yeah, I'll look after

your dog, mate,

but I got one condition.

What's that?

You have a drink with us.

Yeah.

Got to do it, babe.

Got to do it.

(EXCLAIMS)

Brandon, happy birthday!

ALL:
Happy birthday.

JAMAL:
Yeah.

EGGSY:
Cheers.

Sh*t.

POPPY:

My drugs are everywhere.

They were never my thing...

but here I am,

running the biggest

drug cartel in the world.

The only downside is having to

live in the middle of nowhere.

You know, these ruins

are technically undiscovered.

I just added a few touches

to remind me of home.

I grew up on all that

awesome 50s nostalgia.

Grease. American Graffiti.

Happy Days.

But I digress.

The thing you need to understand

is the hard work

and ingenuity...

it took to achieve

a global monopoly...

on the drug trade.

And that's all on me.

Not to toot my own horn...

I just think

it's really important

for new recruits

to understand...

the history

of The Golden Circle.

So. Lifelong friends, huh?

Charles, do you think

your buddy here

is worthy of joining us?

Ms. Poppy, I would

not have brought him

all the way to see you

if I didn't think so.

Excellent.

Well, you hungry?

Starving.

Wonderful! Right this way.

Make yourselves at home.

So, fellas...

I have a couple of things

that I wanna clarify.

You understand that

in The Golden Circle...

my authority is never

to be questioned, right?

And the importance

of following orders?

Do you understand that?

And the value of loyalty?

It's easy to nod, isn't it?

I don't like easy.

I like proof.

(SIGHS)

What's your name?

Angel, ma'am.

Angel, baby.

Hey.

Your old pal, Charles,

has messed up.

That's all I'm gonna tell you,

'cause that's all

you need to know.

So put him in the mincer, okay?

(LAUGHING)

(WHIRRING)

(WHISTLES)

(GROWLING)

(WHIRRING)

(BARKING)

(YELLING)

No, Miss Poppy!

(SCREAMING)

Good job!

(PANTING)

See my salon across the way?

Head there for your makeover.

(SIZZLING)

PRINCESS TILDE:
Eggsy,

I hope you're hungry.

Oh, babe, I was gonna

grab breakfast at work.

This looks lovely,

but I'm running late.

I just thought maybe

we could practice?

For tonight.

Practice?

Mm-hmm.

Eating?

You said you've never

eaten at a palace before.

And Pappa is sort of picky

about table manners.

Well, as it happens, babe,

I've got this sh*t on lock.

I know what every single one

of them knives and forks is for.

This is a butter knife.

It's the only one

you need to remember,

the rest of the cutlery is easy.

You start from the outside,

and you work your way in

with each course.

And never let anyone

describe you as "H.K.L.P."...

What's that?

"Holds knife like pen."

A habit erroneously believed

to be upper class

dining etiquette.

It is quite the opposite.

White wine, pudding wine,

red wine, water and pop.

Or whatever tipple

takes your fancy.

Am I supposed to wait

for everyone else

to be served

before I start eating?

HARRY:
Only if the dish

being served is cold.

Or if the Queen is present.

Otherwise tuck in.

EGGSY:
Got to be honest...

never really thought

the royalty bit would be relevant.

Harry would've been chuffed.

Oh. I wish I could've met him.

You miss him too,

don't you, Mr. Pickle?

Mmm?

Mr. Pickle says, "Yeah."

Hey, no, no, sit down, I'm fine.

I'm fine. Have a good day.

Okay.

Ah, Galahad! You're late.

We were wondering if you'd had

a second encounter with Charlie.

I wish. I'm looking forward

to finishing him off.

All right, gents.

Merlin, come in.

Galahad and Lancelot,

please remain

for Merlin's debrief.

Everyone else,

reconvene at 1900 hours.

So...

the man who attacked

Galahad in the taxi

was Charlie Hesketh.

Rejected Kingsman

applicant turned bad.

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