Kiss and Make-Up

Good morning, Dr. Lamar.

MAURICE:
Good morning, Pierre.

- Good morning, Doctor.

- Good morning, Doctor.

MAURICE:
Good morning.

- Good morning, Doctor.

- Good morning, Doctor.

MAURICE:
Good morning.

- Good morning, Doctor.

- Good morning, Doctor.

MAURICE:
Good morning.

- Good morning, Doctor.

- Good morning, Doctor.

MAURICE:
Good morning, Greta.

(CLACKING)

Good morning, Doctor.

Good morning, Annie.

(CONSUELO CLEARING THROAT)

Dr. Lamar?

Yes, I am Dr. Lamar.

I'm Consuelo Claghorne. Mother sent me

to see you about an operation.

Oh, yes.

Take your clothes off, please.

- Oh, must I?

- Yes, please.

Here are some telegrams.

What kind of operation

do you want?

Oh, I don't want

an operation.

It's for Mother. She'd like her hips

cut down before she sails.

Oh, I see.

Then why did you...

I thought you were interested in how

I looked without it, but you're not.

How do you know I'm not?

Suppose we take that up at luncheon?

(EXCLAIMING)

Suppose we do.

1:
00? Here?

(CLEARING THROAT)

Make a note.

Luncheon at 1:
00.

(INTERCOM BUZZING)

WOMAN:
Dr. Lamar goes

on the air in 10 minutes.

MAURICE:

I'm starting right away.

We're starting right away.

INSTRUCTOR:
One, two.

One, two. One, two. One, two.

- Good morning, Doctor.

- MAURICE:
Good morning.

One, two. One, two.

- ALL:
Good morning, Doctor.

- Good morning, girls.

- Good morning, Doctor.

- Good morning.

- Good morning, Doctor.

- Good morning.

- Good morning, Doctor.

- Good morning.

- Good morning, Doctor.

- Good morning.

Thank you, Annie.

And now, dear distant worshippers

of the Temple of Beauty,

I present your high priest,

Dr. Maurice Lamar.

Ladies, my dear disciples,

once more it is my privilege

to speak to you on that subject

so dear to every

woman's heart, beauty.

Yesterday I covered

the abdomen.

Today I shall

take up the throat,

the connecting link between

a lovely head and a lovely body.

MAURICE ON RADIO: How can you

obtain true throat appeal?

By the use of

my Creme Supreme,

which I trust all of you

now have beside you.

First, take a generous quantity

of Creme Supreme on the fingertips

and work it into the throat tissues

with a gentle rotary movement,

alternating with rhythmic patting

by the back of the fingers.

Do you fear the scorching rays

of the midday sun? You need not.

Creme Supreme will protect you

from it on the hottest summer day.

No longer need any woman

suffer from sunburn.

Creme Supreme will give you

that pink and white complexion,

which is lovely

woman's birthright.

Should your beauty needs be greater

than can be met by these broadcasts,

I would suggest

a personal diagnosis.

Every day hundreds of beauty seekers

from all over the world

are coming to me here in Paris

for an answer to their problems.

He must be a great man,

that Dr. Lamar.

He could've been. He was the brightest

student in our class in medical school.

Now he advertises

face cream.

MAURICE ON RADIO: Have you

a glowing, gleaming body?

So, he's a friend of yours,

is he?

We were great pals in college,

but then we sort of drifted apart.

Well, you'd better drift together again

and see if he won't lend you some money,

or out you go

at the end of the week.

(CLANKING)

Doctor, what is

that terrible noise?

Please have it stopped.

I'll see to it at once.

(CLANKING CONTINUES)

Do you...

Do you have to make all that noise?

No.

- No, I can stop now.

- Good.

Now that you're here.

I've been trying to see you.

See me?

Yes, about my wife.

I want you to let her alone.

But I don't know your wife.

You don't know Eve Caron?

Eve Caron!

How can you

be her husband?

That's what I often wonder myself,

ever since she started

being your patient.

Eve Caron's husband is a motorbus

manufacturer, not a plumber.

This is the only way that

I could get in to see you.

That feminine individual, that large girl

in your outer office, kept stopping me.

Mmm. Greta?

Well, the one with the extra-long wheel

base and the streamlined superstructure.

Oh, yes, that's Greta.

Pardon me.

And you're Madame Caron's

husband, huh?

I am, yes. On those rare occasions

when you're not messing around with her.

Messing around?

I'll have you understand that my...

My contact with your wife

is purely professional.

- That's what I resent.

- What do you mean?

What right have you

to make my wife over?

You've enlarged her here

and reduced her there

and you've even done something to

her knees, and I liked them as they were.

I married those knees

for better or for worse.

Madam Caron merely asked me

to add a couple of dimples.

And I contend, and every

right-thinking husband will back me up,

that dimples give a distinctly

gaga expression to the kneecap.

Quite unsuited to my wife.

Listen, when you make

motorbuses for the public,

you improve their lines,

don't you?

Have you...

What right have you to classify

my wife as a public conveyance, huh?

Where is she? Now, you've got her

around here somewhere.

You can't go in there.

Oh. Why not?

She might not be dressed.

- I'll see.

- Well, you tell her that...

Oh, you'll see,

but I can't.

Doctor, the Countess says

that she must see you.

Rita? Oh, no, she mustn't.

Get rid of her.

She won't go.

Oh, all right, I'll see her.

And show this gentleman out.

Doctor, put my wife back the way she was

when I married her or I'll take steps.

I don't know in what direction,

but I'll take steps.

(SCREAMING)

Perhaps I'd better

precede you.

I am the Mirwalk of Sogron.

I want all my wives done over.

GRETA:
Yes, yes, of course!

Just wait here a minute, please.

MIRWALK:
Thank you.

So, you finally

decided to see me.

Rita, please.

Send her out.

Annie, stay right there.

(STAMMERING) Rita, I'm very busy

this morning.

I thought it was understood that

we had finished with your treatments.

Oh, no, we haven't. You can't

cast me aside like a... Like a...

A worn-out glove?

Yes, a worn-out glove.

Oh, I know you're tired of me.

I know why you always say you're busy

when I suggest going to your apartment.

Yet other women go there,

dozens of them!

I won't stand for such

treatment any longer.

You act as if I were

no better than the... The...

The dirt under his feet?

Yes, the dirt

under your feet.

I ought to shoot you down like...

Like...

Like a dog?

Like a dog.

How did you know?

Oh, I just thought

it might be.

Hmm.

If only I had something

to shoot you with.

- Thank you.

- Annie!

(CLICKING)

Why doesn't it shoot?

No bullets.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

What's this?

The first chapter

of your new book.

I typed it at home.

Mmm. Very nice. Very neat.

When will you dictate

the second chapter?

Oh, I don't know, Annie. I never

get any time. Perhaps this afternoon.

Oh, any time at all.

- Annie!

- Yes?

Your nose is shiny.

Why can't you use a little powder?

It's bad for business.

Not necessarily. Why not point me out

as a horrible example?

If my patients were like you,

I'd starve to death.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes