Kiss Me Deadly

(panting)

(car drives by)

Please stop!

Please...

(tries to start engine)

(jazz on radio)

You almost wrecked my car.

Well?

Get in.

(radio) And now, fellas, we'll hear

that fine new platter by Nat King Cole,

''I'd Rather Have the Blues''.

(engine starts)

(woman pants and sobs)

# The night is mighty chilly

# And conversation seems pretty silly

# I feel so mean and brought

# I'd rather have the blues

than what I've got

# The room is dark and gloomy

# You don't know what you're doing to me

# Your web has got me caught

# I'd rather have the blues

than what I've got

(woman starts to calm down)

# All night I walk the city

# Watching the people go by

# I try to sing a little ditty

# But all that comes out is a sigh...

A thumb isn't good enough for you.

You've gotta use your whole body.

Would you have stopped

if I'd used my thumb?

No.

What's this all about?

I'll guess. You were out with some guy

who thought ''no'' was a three-letter word.

I should've thrown you off that cliff

back there. I might still do it.

- Where are you headed?

- Los Angeles.

Drop me off at the first bus stop.

Do you always go around

with no clothes on?

(man) What's the trouble, officer?

A woman escaped from an asylum

upstate. Young, wearing a trench coat.

- Seen anybody to fit that description?

- No, officer.

OK, move on.

Haven't seen a thing, officer.

- Oh, my wife's been asleep.

- All right, move on.

May I have my hand back now?

So you're a fugitive

from the laughing house.

They forced me to go there.

Took away my clothes to make me stay.

Who?

I wish I could tell you that.

I have to tell someone.

When people are in trouble,

they need to talk.

But you know the old saying.

What I don't know can't hurt me?

This wheel doesn't feel right.

lt keeps pulling over.

- Good evening, folks.

- Check the right front wheel.

What'd you find?

Caught in the spindle.

We must've picked it up

when we went off the road back there.

The only thing I ever pick up

when I go off the road is poison ivy.

- Thanks, kid.

- Thank you.

- Would you do me a favour, please?

- Wouldn't mind at all.

Would you put a stamp on this

and drop it in the mailbox for me?

Yes, ma'am. Anything else, ma'am?

Did you find out

what was wrong with the wheel?

Oh, yeah. You picked up a piece of branch

when you took that little trip off the road.

So long. Come back again.

You're angry with me, aren't you?

Sorry I nearly wrecked

your pretty little car.

I was just thinking how much you can tell

about a person from such simple things.

- Your car, for instance.

- What kind of message does it send you?

You have only one real, lasting love.

Now who could that be?

You.

You're one of those self-indulgent males

who thinks about nothing but his clothes,

his car, himself...

Bet you do push-ups

to keep your belly hard.

You against good health or something?

I could tolerate flabby muscles in a man

if it would make him more friendly.

You're the kind of person who never

gives in a relationship, who only takes.

Ah, woman. The incomplete sex.

And what does she need to complete her?

Why, man, of course. Wonderful man.

All right, all right, let it go.

That bus stop will be coming up soon

and I don't even know your name.

You forget, I'm a loony from the laughing

house. All loonies are dangerous.

D'you ever read poetry?

No, of course you wouldn't.

Christina Rossetti wrote love sonnets.

I was named after her.

- Christina?

- Yes, Mike.

I got your name from

the registration certificate, Mr Hammer.

Get me to that bus stop

and you can forget you ever saw me.

- If we don't make that bus stop...

- We will.

If we don't...

remember me.

(Christina screams)

(repeated screams)

(screams continue)

(screams stop)

- She's passed out.

- I'll bring her to.

(3rd man) If you revive her,

you know what that would be?

Resurrection, that's what it would be.

And do you know what resurrection

means? lt means ''raise the dead''.

Just who do you think you are

that you think you can raise the dead?

- (2nd man) Put him in the car too?

- Naturally.

Mike.

Mike.

Hey, Mike.

Mike.

- Hi, Velda.

- Hi.

You're never around when I need you.

You never need me when I'm around.

Pat's here.

Five minutes, that's all you've got. Nurse.

- Hi, flatfoot.

- Hi.

Three days ago I was figuring I'd have

to finance a new tux to bury the corpse.

Three days? How am I doin'?

You're doin' all right. In a couple

of weeks you'll walk out of here.

Can you remember, Mike?

How it happened, the whole thing?

I never thought I'd smell that again.

Ooh, look at all the goodies.

- I have a cab.

- Mr Hammer?

You won't need the cab.

We'd like to ask you a few questions.

That figures. See you later.

- Why not come in? We may be a while.

- I'll wait here.

We're not getting very far,

are we, Mr Hammer?

Well now, we have most of the facts.

All we need is a little more fill-in.

- I almost get killed and he wants fill-in.

- Is it too much to ask for cooperation?

- And make 'em try it again?

- You'll be given full protection.

Maybe we'll have better luck

with more elementary questions.

Your full name please, Mr Hammer.

Michael Hammer,

- Just what do you do for a living?

- He calls himself a private investigator.

- His speciality is divorce cases.

- He's a bedroom dick.

He gets dirt on the wife, then does a deal

with the wife to get dirt on the husband.

Plays both ends against the middle.

How do you achieve all this?

You crawl under beds?

- Nothing so primitive.

- He has a secretary, as he calls her.

- What's her name, Mr Hammer?

- Velda Wichman.

She's a very attractive young woman.

Real woo-bait. Lives like a princess.

He sics her onto the husbands and

in no time he's ready for the big squeeze.

Who do you sic onto the wives,

Mr Hammer?

That's his department.

All right, you've got me convinced.

I'm a real stinker.

Now if that's all that's on your minds,

I'd like to get home.

Yes, I know. You're anxious

to get back to your life's work.

You're free to go.

Open a window.

Thanks for waiting, Pat.

She was a cute kid.

Had the nicest way of needling a guy.

There'll be a long pause

before those characters work this out.

The law isn't fast enough,

you could do it better - is that it?

Look, Mike, who do you think you are?

What's the pitch, Pat?

An ordinary girl is killed and it rings bells

in Washington. Gotta be a pitch.

I'll give you a bit of advice.

Too many people like you

have contempt for the law.

You'd like to take it into your own hands.

But when you do that,

you might as well be living in a jungle.

I picked up a girl. If she hadn't gotten

in my way, I wouldn't have stopped.

She must be connected

with something big.

Mike, why don't you tell us

what you know,

then step aside like a nice fella

and let us do our job?

What's in it for me?

Mikey! Mikey!

(gushes in Greek)

Hey, Sammy! Look, my friend

just returned from the grave!

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