Kiss Me Goodbye Page #6

there and laugh at yo...

Throw you out like you're

crazy or something.

My fiancee is seeing a ghost.

- I've had it!

They work by heat, not by push.

I know how they work. I've been

in an elevator before.

Dmn it.

- You've got no body heat.

I've plenty of body heat.

Just because I'm not a Broadway

dancer, you think I've no passion?

I have plenty of passion.

Here's some right now!

There, passion! Body heat!

Look at my feet.

- You went and made us a local.

- Oh give me a break.

So, what did she tell you

about this apparition?

- Excuse me.

- Just, that he's here and...

...she's confused.

Trouble? Already?

You're not even married yet.

Don't you have something to do?

Look, with you and the marriage and

this whole new life, this is...

...very pivotal time for her.

You're telling me?

What we need is a psychiatrist.

- Psychiatrist, already?

You're really pushing

this, aren't you?

- Listen, I'm just trying to help.

- I know.

Look, she needs you right now.

You have to-

No, no. Little boy you mustn't

sit on the chair.

Do you know why?

Cause this is priceless unique

piece of fine art form...

...another millenium.

And you are a not-quite-formed

piece of temporary plasmic...

...rubbish taking up space on this

already overcrowded planet.

Kendall. Keep an eye out for this

thing, will you please?

- Are you with someone?

- Yes.

Well, go find them.

Rupert, here's how I see it.

Now, you represent reality to keep

from going over the edge.

But she needs your reality to keep

from going over the edge.

I understand that, but what about

what are we going to do about him=

Oh, a "him" already?

- Accept him.

- Bust his a.

Will you mind your own business

please?

Well, do you mean act as if he's

really there?

- Exactly.

- I can't do that.

- Rupert, you love her, don't you?

- Of course I love her.

I love her very much.

Well, all right then.

Does he have to sit in the front?

Yes, I get carsick in the back.

He get carsick in the back.

Carsick, huh.

I feel like your chauffeur.

We should buy him a cute

little hat.

What's so funny?

He says we should buy you a cute

little hat.

Come on Rupert. Loosen up.

You said we were going up here

to have some fun.

Yup, you're right. My fault.

This is a new beginning.

We should get to know

each other.

It's a glorious day and

I love yo...

Both. I love you both.

Oh, there's so much I want to

talk to you about. Ask yo...

- Yes, me, too.

- Him, too.

I think it's wonderful, the way

Rupert's accepting all of this.

- I think I'm pretty wonderful.

- I think you're pretty wonderful.

- Jolly thinks so too.

- Teriffic. That settles it.

I'm wonderful. All those in favor

say "aye".

Aye.

- Aye.

Kay.

Would you tell him to

act normal?

Jolly says, just act normal.

Absolutely right. That's exactly

what I intend to do.

If the three of us are going to

have a heathy relationship...

...we have to say the hell with

the rest of the world, push ahead.

How many? Two?

Three.

- That's right, three.

- Remember, totally normal.

Thank yo...

- Thank you.

- This is fine.

Thank yo...

One for him, too, please.

Is this table okay?

What did he say, Kay?

- He said it's fine.

- He's happy.

I'll be back in a minute to take

your order.

Rupert, I think we have to

try to act a little more...

...careful around other people.

Act? Who's acting? I'm not acting?

Are you acting?

No. Are you not acting, are you?

No, we're not acting. We have a

ghost living with us.

I think, it's very important

that we treat him like anyone else.

Are you ready?

- Yes, the lady will have...

- Coffee.

Honey, I thought you were starving.

Is that all you want?

Coffee.

- And you?

Nothing, thanks.

- What did he say, Kay?

- He said he's not hungry.

- Excuse me, I did...

- I didn't, I did...

Come on, it's on me. He gets

carsick easily.

That's way he has to sit up

front with me.

- Cheeseburger.

- Wonderful.

And I will have... The grilled...

...cheese plate.

That's right.

Tell me, how would he like his

cheeseburger?

- Medium-rare.

- Medium-rare.

- Hold on the onions.

- Hold on the onions.

That'll be fine, thank yo...

Well, that wasn't so painful,

was it?

So tell me, what's it like,

being dead=

Rupert. People are

beginning to stare.

Mom, mom! That' man's talking

to a chair!

Billy, if that man wants to talk

to a chair, it's his privilege.

- He's talkin' to a chair!

- No, you're mother's correct!

It's my privilege. This is America!

Many men have died horrible deaths

so that I could sit in this diner...

...and talk to the chair of my

choice.

So, turn around. Eat your food.

And...

...thank God that we live in

this wonderful land, uh?

Grilled cheese, here.

Cheeseburger there.

How are we gonna arrange our time?

- What do you mean?

There's going to be times when

I'll want to be alone with yo...

There's going to be times when

I'll want to be alone with yo...

Him, too. I'm sure.

And you know...

...there's something

I'm anxious to know.

Is it possible for him to,

you know...

...be familiar with you?

That must be very disappointing

for both of yo...

- Could we go?

- We haven't even eat our food.

There, okay. Now, shall we go?

Kay, these little things have to

be ironed out.

The wrinkles, Jolly, old boy?

He's starting to annoy me.

You're starting to annoy Jolly.

What did I say?

Isn't it beautiful?

Smell.

Have you told Jolly this is

where we met?

- She told me.

- I told him.

Good.

Where did you find this

God-forsaken place?

Emily and I were on a trip.

Emily. I didn't thought you

didn't like the country.

I love country. It was you that

never liked the country.

That's why we never went to

the country, because of yo...

I always loved the country!

- You did?

- Yes, I did.

I guess I was kind of

self-centered at times.

- Yes you were.

- Well, I've changed.

I've changed. I mean, it is amazing

how death can change a man.

Kay.

- Mrs.Reilly.

- Let me look at yo...

Rupert tells you'll get married.

Yes.

And to think, you met here.

- Oh, violins please.

There's another young couple

staying here.

The Newmans.

On their honeymoon.

- There they are.

- They look adorable.

- Let's stick them on a cake.

- They are.

- Will you shut up!

- I beg your pardon?

Nothing, nothing.

Perhaps you could show us

to our room Mrs.Reilly...

...I'm really quite exhausted.

- Of course, dear.

Excuse me.

You two aren't making this any

easier for mw.

Well, I'm having fun.

So am I.

I love it.

This is ridiculous, Emily.

No, I'm through with this

silly charade.

Keep up the pressure.

It might take her snap out of it.

And it make me snap

out of it, too.

How long am I supposed to go

around ordering cheeseburgers...

...for my fiancee's dead

husband? He didn't even eat it.

You know, you have to be patient.

- I've lost my patience.

- Rupert.

Look, I've come up with my own

plan. It's a whole new tack.

It's the old fight-fire-wit-fire

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