Kissing Darkness Page #2

My dad always said

these woods were haunted.

I say you march that discount

jeaned-ass of yours

back down the hallway and put it

back where you found it!

Do it now!

I don't want to see it.

Come on, Sky, live a little!

The gummy bears want to play!

And, do what?

Summon some hot buff demon

who will screw your brains out

and then just like

slip your throat open?

No!

Put it back where you found it!

Come on now, who's being the...

What's the term you guys use?

"Drama Queen"?

Oh no, he did not!

[LAUGHS]

Jock Boy's first queer-talk.

Wow!

Better be careful Skylar,

he might just be ready yet.

My dad used to tell us

these woods were haunted...

---by a girl.

Malice Valeria.

I knew a girl who had that once.

That was her name dumb-ass,

not a disease.

Oh...

See, there was this girl... She

was obsessed with the devil...

witchcraft!

All that torture pom sh*t.

Real nut case".

Especially in the bedroom!

Bath salt crazy"

Let me tell you.

How original!

Let me finish!

Years ago...

she invited a few friends

to go camping

and then to celebrate a small

outdoor union to her fiance".

Well, in the middle of

animal sacrifice,

blood bonding, whips & chains,

all that crazy sh*t".

She found her soon to-be

husband f***ing her friend.

It totally destroys her,

breaks her heart completely.

She totally tears the two

of them apart

into a zillion pieces

then goes after the others,

one by one,

all to serve Satan

or some sh*t,.

Bullshit!

They say she even drank

their blood, man...

Sold herself to the devil!

Intent on finding a new lover

to fill the void,

killing all those

who get in the way.

[THUNDER]

Okay, okay, I'll do it.

I'll play the stupid

Ouija, Ouija game.

But first, I've got to...

have a drink.

Okay, I will only have

two drinks,.

Or three or seventeen...

And then, I'll have

a f***in' quiche!

You know what? A f***in' quiche!

Now, I'm going to wash my face!

Alright?

B*tches!

[SUSPENSE MUSIC]

[LAUGHING]

[LAUGHING]

Be careful.

I need a break.

You alright, kiddo?

Yeah. I'm just... hangover.

After everything last night,

I didn't get much sleep.

It was all fake though!

I mean... Come on, it was Vlad.

He loves to scare people.

And Ouija boards are

so Ashlee Simpson.

Hundreds of years of fraud

is what they are.

I don't know, it just seemed

so real. It's creepy.

It was moving on its own.

He even tried scaring us

yesterday, when we got here,

tried to say there was

someone in the cabin.

It was a damn raccoon.

What's going on between

you guys anyway?

You guys are going to keep

fighting the entire time?

He's just such an a**hole.

And you're not?

You've had major

attitude lately.

I didn't say I was not.

You know, he'; just so uptight

and I...

"Vladish"!

Are you sure you're

still not drunk? "Vladish"?

What kind of word is that?

You know what I mean.

Yeah, yeah, I guess I do.

I have lived with him for

over two years now

and we had our moments, but

for the most part,

he is pretty cool.

I just think he just feels

outnumbered with all of us.

And ever since he got pulled

over for drunk driving,

he has been a little off...

Your point?

We haven't anything but alcohol

to drink this entire weekend.

See, now you are just

making excuses for him.

Things looked different for the

two of you all cuddly on couch.

I was asleep. Whatever!

I didn't even know it was him.

Right! Another case

of the clueless "newbie"

trying to cop a feel of

a guy he can never have.

You are such a cheater!

I swear. I didn't know

it was him, I was asleep.

What?

Just messing with you, kiddo.

Wish I could find

a guy who liked me...

You're such a brat!

That too... but...

apologize to Vlad.

Just try and get along.

Come on.

Hey, you coming', kiddo?

I found something.

So what are we having?

Oh, just a little something

something, my mama used to make!

You miss him, don't you?

Who? Brendan?

Yes, Brendan.

Who else are we talking about?

Come here.

You've still got chocolate

on your face, let me get it.

Spit queen!

So, do you?

Of course I do.

He cheated on me

and everything else.

I mean...it hurt. It really did.

People make mistakes, right?

I think you should give Brendan

another chance.

I mean, he has made more than

his fair share of apologizing.

And you really haven't been

the same without him, you know.

Maybe someday...

About time you two got back.

Damn near burned the breakfast!

What is that?

Just something

we found in the woods.

Oh, what a find!

And how many emo b*tches

did you cut to get find that?

It's kind of cool.

Looks pretty old too.

Of course, it looks old,

it's covered in dirt!

[YAWNING]

What you girls

whining about now?

Huh! Nice piece of sh*t!

Wouldn't get five bucks for it

at the pawn shop,

but people always find crap

like this around here.

So now the straight guy

knows his jewelry.

How dare you go to Tiffany's

without a queerpeer in hand.

Now, everybody eat up!

I don't want it to get cold and

you tell me my cooking is bad.

Alright?

There's a hair in this.

Bored, bored, bored, I'm bored!

Yeah, we hear you already.

Maybe it's just you

who's boring.

One more drink

and I am going to puke.

I second that...

Want to make out for fun?

Maybe a little 69 action?

Try 68!

Blow me and I will owe you one.

[LAUGHING]

Vlad, didn't you say

there was a lake nearby?

Yeah.

Why aren't we there

swimming or something?

Can't. It's contaminated.

Oh, like toxic waste

and one-eyed creatures?

Radiation is fun kids,

let's all say it together.

Radiation! Radiation!

What the hell, kid?! Seriously,

you scare me at times.

If you talk in tongues or speak

backwards and I'm outta here.

Wow bob wow!!!

I still think we should

go back to town.

Pride, hello?!

lfwe leave now,

we can be there by tonight.

Clubbing?

Anyone?!

I am thinking the same thing.

Me too.

[WOMAN SCREAMING]

Alright!

I told you there were would

be girls here.

Sounds like the Wilhite sisters

are at their cabin.

What? They are real screamers

those two!

[WOMAN SCREAMING]

Time to get laid!

Hey wait! I'll go with you.

What was that about?

Apology time.

Cute',!

Guys want some candy?!

Hey,Vlad!

Wait up, I just...

I just want to apologize

for yesterday

and acting such a b*tch.

So I just want to let you know

that I'm sorry

and I'm going to be cool.

It would be nice, ah...

are we cool?

Yeah, you know...

[KNOCKING]

What? No one here?

They probably ran into town

to pick up some friends.

These girls are pretty wild,

you know...

What are you doing?

This isn't our place.

Really?

Cool it, man.They love me.

We used to spend every summer

together.

My first blowj*b was right here!

Well, if that's the case...

I'd use the restroom.

[BIRDS CALLING]

[WOMAN LAUGHING]

Okay confess...

He let you blow him, didn't he?

Or better yet,

he sucked you off?!

Baptized into gaydom

with a nice protein smoothie.

Something happened, Someone

sucked or f***ed or".

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