Knightriders

Go in a Little deeper.

It's gotta snap easy.

We don't want anybody

getting killed out there.

Whoo! Little John!

This is beautiful! Did you see that?

It looks a Little heavy, Morgan.

It'll knock you on your ass, Sir Knight!

That's just what I'm afraid of, a hit in

the head with that thing. Let me see it.

It doesn't have as much force

as a lance tip head on.

A lance tip will snap your neck for you.

That's for swinging side-arm.

I don't know, Little John.

It's not like a ball and chain.

The chain absorbs most of the impact.

This damn thing's solid.

So, what the hell?

Kay's got that long-handled battle-axe.

Yeah, but the head's made out of

rubber. This thing's got its own inertia.

Did you see that?

Just cos your armour'll

take a bazooka shell.

Don't forget some of us

are wearing tinfoil.

That's your problem.

My problem is to knock you

out of that saddle,

and this baby is sure gonna help.

We don't need to make it

any rougher than it already is.

All right, we won't use it today.

We'll try it out first, OK?

Unless you'd like to use it.

- Ah, no thanks.

- I'm not afraid of it.

I'll still blow you away.

- Has anyone seen Billy yet?

- Not since he rode out with Lin.

Geez, how can we tourney

without our king to lead us?

There may not be a tourney.

- Alan, we got trouble with the law.

- Aw, Christ.

- Did he say where he was heading?

- Somewhere down by the river.

Aah! Oh!

Lester, I think maybe

we should go get a seat, OK?

Oh, Helen, shut up

and give me another beer.

- Daddy.

- Another 75 cents.

- Huh?

- Another 75 cents.

No, no, sweetheart, I paid you for two.

That's my second ear of corn.

No, no, no, sweetheart, you dropped

your second ear of corn.

That's your third ear of corn.

Another 75 cents, please.

Julie,

you're shaking up the beers!

Daddy, you're a slob!

A fat

slob jerk!

And, Mother, you're a wimp!

Do you hear that, Helen? That's your

daughter calling me a fat slob jerk!

Bingo.

Hey, Morgan Le Fay.

- You look beautiful again today.

- Mm-hm.

- Come here. Come here.

- Stop it. Stop.

Hey, you better watch out.

I'm fixing your bikes, you know.

- You're fixing my bikes, you know?

- Mm-hm.

I'll fix your bike, you know.

- Look, don't put that grease on me.

- Uh-huh.

No, whoa, whoa! Stop.

We got trouble with the law.

- What?

- Go find Merlin.

Oh! Oh, you jerk!

Oh. Oh, my God. Oh, God.

- It's all right. I'll be all right.

- Are you hurt? God, I'm so sorry.

I can't believe it. Ow! Damn!

- Aah!

- Oh, I'm so sorry!

- No, no, no, I'm hurt enough already.

- Oh, gee, I didn't see you.

I was walking down this way

and before I knew it...

Right, right, right.

Here.

No problem.

No broken bones.

Anyway, it's what I do.

Fall off bikes is what I do.

- You'll see. You gonna be here later?

- I don't know.

Oh, well.

Er... it gets kinda rough out there

sometimes, huh?

- I mean, does it get bloody?

- Nah, sometimes a Little.

It's never too bad

when it's just a show, though.

- You ever ride a bike?

- Uh-uh.

Well, listen, I gotta go for a Little ride.

You wanna come?

Come on. Come on.

- OK, now just hang on to me.

- Oh!

Like I said,

I'm gonna have to shut you down.

Now just wait a minute.

We have a permit.

Come on, Tuck.

Where the hell's the permit?

I didn't sign this.

You, er... sign this, Jess?

Never seen it before.

Guess the sheriff must have signed it.

I don't see how we can

let this go on, Jess.

No, er... medical facilities. No doctor.

- He's a doctor.

- He's a what?

And he's got enough equipment and

supplies to handle an emergency.

- You're a doctor? Medical doctor?

- That's right.

- Licensed to practise?

- In good standing.

No malpractice.

Clean record. No problems.

Look, so he didn't sign the permit.

The sheriff did.

So let's go find the sheriff!

It's got nothing to do with who

signed the permit and who didn't.

Where the hell have you been?

We have trouble with the police.

Who's she?

- Who are you?

- Julie Dean!

- What?

- My name's Julie!

Her name's Julie!

What's the problem, magician?

It's, um... same old thing, you know?

We properly got

a permit to use the field,

and it was signed

by the sheriff of Bakersfield.

The deputy doesn't want

to know about the sheriff.

He wants his own Little pay cheque or

he says he'll shut down the tournament.

- Tuck, what's the gate today?

- We're not paying.

Aw, come on, Billy.

What do you think you're gonna do?

I'm gonna say no, that's all. We're not

paying. It's wrong to pay this guy off.

- Come on.

- It's wrong, Morgan!

We don't need any hassles. We're

talking about serious hassles here.

I don't think this guy's gonna do

anything. He's not gonna shut us down.

He's not gonna do sh*t.

Come on. Come on,

let's start the games.

'And he walked him!

'And that should be all

for Johnson here in the eighth. '

Hello, ladies and gentlemen!

Welcome to the games

of the court of Sir William the King.

When T H White wrote down

the magical tale of Arthur

and the Round Table,

he called it "The Once And Future King".

Once honour and nobility reigned.

In the future, may they also reign.

In those magical days,

when honour was the true thing,

a good knight's hardened steel

was a symbol of that honour.

You know, I don't have the balls

to wear anything like that.

Don't I wish! Give me a beer.

In times of peace,

the knights would ride tournaments,

to keep their skills sharp and to

practise the chivalries of battle.

Don't touch, Jim. Those things

can bite your fingers off.

And now the King of our Little

Camelot, the noble Sire William

and his lovely lady Linet.

- What's the new toy?

- That's the mace I made for Morgan.

It's got a solid hit?

Yeah, it's made

out of metal, not rubber.

- Alan thinks it's too heavy.

- Let me see it.

Well, I never did know

a king who was on time, did you?

I didn't think we should use it

until we tried it out first.

Trumpets.

Just do it.

If Morgan needs a hand weapon,

tell him it's OK to use the mace.

Ah, come on, Bill, you...

My lords and ladies, the ever punctual

Sir William the King.

Long ilve King William!

Hey, what's up? Is something wrong?

Oh, it's... it's nothing.

And now the noble knights

of our kingdom!

What you will see, ladies and gents,

is absolutely real.

It's like drawing lots. You never know

who you're gonna ride against.

Now, any foul play

will be ruled on by the King,

the ultimate referee,

and the King himself

may ride in the game,

should he feel an opponent worthy.

Far out!

That was Sir Pellinore

besting Sir Ban of Boston.

And a well-placed blow it was.

- Your life is in my hands, sucker.

- I'm gonna kick your ass.

Hey, Joe!

The winners fight each other

until there's a champion.

- Did you see that shot?

- Yeah, it's all right, brother.

They're like acrobats, that's all.

They're like the wrestlers on TV.

They got these blood bags in their

mouths, you know what I mean?

Oh!

Ewing! You don't have a chance!

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