Knock on Wood Page #3

I must apologise for

asking you over like this.

- But, I am quite a fan of yours.

- Oh, really?

- Turkish or Egyptian?

- Err, Egyptian I think.

I have seen your act at

"La Poule d'Or" a dozen times at least.

I want to tell you that in your

special field, I think your planning,

your technique, your execution

are not only daring but brilliant.

Oh, it's routine stuff, really.

In a way, it puts one in mind of

the daring of another performance.

A performance that took

place tonight, at 26 Ru Di Orlan.

Now you certainly do a lot

of night clubbing, don't you?

I'm afraid there's a theft of

some top secret documents

which are at this moment being

transported out of the country

- by some clever courier.

- Oh?

That performance also requires

a certain daring and brilliance.

For all we know, he may be

on a ship from Bordeaux,

a train to Berlin or

even on this very plane.

The chap's have to travel

somewhere, I imagine.

Imagine the anxiety of such a man,

the tension he must be

feeling in the pit of his stomach.

I mean, if anyone knew who

he was or what he was carrying

his life wouldn't be worth

a moments purchase.

In certain circumstances,

you'd imagine he'd be prepared

to change his hazardous position

for one of a luxury, security,

and what's more important, safety.

- Don't you agree with me?

- Um, yes, err.

In other words, you will think that he'd

be prepared to enter into a negotiation

if the price were right?

Oh, he'd be a fool, not to.

I'm so glad you agreed

with me, Mr Morgan.

Tell me, Mr Morgan, how many stars,

would you say, there were out there?

Well...

- Stars... in the sky, stars?

- Yes.

Well... I don't know...

Off hand, I would say

way of in the thousands...

- A 100 thousand.

- I think more than that.

-200 thousand?

- No, possibly a little bit more.

300 thousand.

I don't like to seem impertinent,

Mr Langston but that's the Milky Way.

Very well, Mr Morgan, how many

would you say there were?

Stars? Well, I'd say about a million.

- A million?

- Yeah... about...

Very well Mr Morgan,

let us say a million.

Very well, Mr Langston, let's.

- Good.

Shall we say, lunch

tomorrow, at my hotel?

Yes, that would be very nice.

Noon, my suite, the Zonenhof.

- Oh, that's where I'm staying.

- Oh, what a coincidence.

Well, it's been fun Mr Langston,

the stars and everything

and I'll see you tomorrow.

- Oop! Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

- It's quite alright.

- Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

- Gromek.

That's okay.

Are you positive we got two rooms?

- Of course.

- Okay.

- Oh mister, you dropped something.

- Gromek.

You're welcome.

- Cigarette?

- No, no thanks.

- I insist.

- Okay, if you insist, I'll be happy to.

Say, these are pretty mild, you know?

Well, Gromek very much.

You know, this is an

easy language to pick up.

But you can't put us both in the same

room, I won't sleep. This man snores.

I'm sorry Herr Morgan,

but we're overcrowded.

For tonight there are no other room.

- But I distinctly told the man 2 rooms!

- I am very sorry.

Well, I know you're sorry, but listen

to me for one minute, my friend.

When this man snores,

it's like nothing human,

it's like it comes out of a

machine or something.

I'm sorry.

I know you're sorry,

but it isn't his fault.

He's got a deviated septum,

and every time the cold air hits

his nose, it make the most awful...

What seems to be the trouble?

Oh, we've only got one room,

and my associate snores.

This young man is a

particular friend of mine.

I'd appreciate if you would

accommodate them both.

Yes, Mr Langston.

- Goodnight Mr Morgan.

- Goodnight Mr Langston, see you tomorrow.

- Noon, my suite.

- Yes, capital.

Ah, yes!

I find you can have

two adjoining rooms.

However, it's the old wing,

there are no private baths.

Oh, that's quite alright my good man.

Mr Brown will be in 311,

and you will be in 312.

- Gromek!

- No, Gromek is in 418

Easy language to pick up.

My key, please.

You know Jerry, you better take

this pill and get a good night's sleep.

Oh well, you know how I hate

to take these things, Marty.

They always make me so groggy.

You've got to be clear-headed when

you see the doctor in the morning.

Now come on, get under

the covers and get some rest.

Nice and warm.

- Marty?

- Yeah.

You don't think the doctor is going to

find out I'm crazy or anything, do you?

Of course not.

- Now put your cigarette out, Jerry.

- I don't think I'm crazy.

I think I'm a little peculiar

but that's not crazy.

Well that's about all, now. I want

you to get a good night's rest.

A lot of people are peculiar

but they are not crazy.

A lot of people are peculiar.

Of course I won't admit that

I'm high strung and nervous,

and irritable, sometimes I'm a little

over-talking but that certainly isn't crazy.

It's just peculiar.

- I'm high strung.

- I know that you're peculiar too.

But you're not crazy.

Nobody says you're crazy.

You won't be put away simply because

people said that you were peculiar.

I mean, nobody is going to put

anybody away. I want you to go...

In my business people have to be tough

it isn't high school... but it's certainly not...

- Go to sleep!

- Look, I know one thing,

I know crazy is crazy

and peculiar is peculiar.

- Are you through?

- Yeah.

Good night.

Marty?

Yeah?

Suppose after we've

gone all this trouble,

the doctor finds out there's

absolutely nothing wrong with me.

That would be very peculiar.

Goodnight.

- Yeah?

- Did you wish to be called in the morning?

- Yes, at 8 o'clock, please.

- Very well.

- Yes?

- Would you like also your breakfast sent up?

Oh yeah. I'd like some orange juice,

and just toast and coffee, I guess.

- Very well.

- Okay.

What is it?

- When?

When? When do you suppose?

First thing in the morning.

Now if you don't mind,

I'd like to get some sleep.

Very well.

Snoring is better than this.

I'll go and sleep with Marty.

What are you doing here?

Where's Martha?

- Marty?

This is strictly a business trip,

and he knows it. Now where is he?

Young man, I don't know who

you are or how you got here,

but if you're not out of my

room in exactly one minute,

I shall call the authorities.

Your room?

I'm terribly sorry.

This is a dreadful mistake, I...

You see, I took a sleeping pill last night.

I thought I was walking into Marty's room.

I had no idea I was

coming into this room.

I don't usually walk into Marty's

room either because he snores,

he has a deviated septum and

makes the most awful racket,

but the radiator started go...

Anything is better than

sleeping with the radiator

so I thought I'd go

into Marty's deviated...

I had to be up early because I have

got to be at Dr Kreuger's clinic,

I mean Dr. Clinic's Kreuger...

Well, it's been a very pleasant evening.

I do hope I'll see you again.

- If you don't mind. My slippers...

- Slippers?

Well, thanks again.

... Er, pillow.

Thank you.

It's been wonderful.

Come on if you're going

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