Knock on Wood Page #7

- All right, man, just give me the knife.

What's the matter, you all gone crazy or something?

I tell you I came in here,

I opened the closet,

and there was this character stuck

up on it like a big piece of shashlik

- a great big piece of shashlik.

- Just give us the knife.

And then I looked down, and

there was Clarence and Terence,

so badly slashed I couldn't

tell Terence from Clarence

- or Clarence from Terence!

- Alright laddie, the knife.

- You don't believe me, do you?

- Of course I believe you!

You do not.

I know what you're thinking.

Go on, say it.

I'm a killer!

I knife people all the time. Sure

I've got buddies all over, haven't I?

Why don't you look around,

What about the body under the bed,

or the one in the bathroom,

or this one in here!

I didn't do it!

"Welcome Sons of Hibernia"

( Hibernia = Latin name for Ireland ).

- Well, what did he do?

- What did he do?

- Oh, you mean Monahan?

- How did he fight his way out?

Fight... well...

- What did he say? -

Right in the face! - Oh!

Oh, figure it out.

You mean when Molly fell

into the whiskey tank?

How did he save her from drowning?

- He figured it out!

- Right!

- That's a charming voice you have.

- Thank you.

That's a jolly note you got to your voice

me boy. What did you say your name was?

Well, I didn't say exactly.

Patrick Michael Carmedi, junior.

Would that be the

Patrick Michael Carmedi Junior

or Patrick Michael Carmedi Senior?

- Oh, why wouldn't they know!

- Gentlemen, this is Carmedi boy!

This calls for a drink in memory

of his dear departed father.

Come on me lad, we must drink

to your dear departed father,

the past President

of this organization.

And one of the plentiest

drinking when we ever had.

Set him up, double.

Well now, when it comes to drinking,

gentlemen, really, I'm not like my father.

Now, now no modesty.

We've heard all about you.

- You heard?

- Like father, like son.

What kind of a drink is that

should be given a Carmedi boy?

- No, no, way I finish this thing!

- Here you are, relax.

- To your dear departed father.

- For my dear departed father.

- Bottoms up.

- Bottom up.

As fine and decent

a man has ever graced

the good green south

of the blessed... hill

- Him self!

- Him self!

Ah, good companion, a fine

father and a loving husband!

- Ah, him self!

- Him self!

A man who is trustworthy alive,

friendly, courteous, kindest,

and cheerful, obedient, clean, reverent.

Bottoms up.

I finished it!

Of course you did,

you're Carmedi's boy!

I know, it's funny, I usually

take one drink, and I go...

Ah, the poor boy!

Strong lungs but a weak stomach.

We can't let the poor lad lay on

the floor, we'll take him to his lodge.

- Alright, look for his key.

- Oh, that I will.

Here it is.

Royalton Hotel, room 314.

That's just down the street.

- Come on now.

Well, come along lad,

we'll take you there.

He was kind, courteous, always obedient,

cheerful, frisky, pleasant and...

Hello.

It's noon sir. Would you

like your brunch sent up?

Ahh? Oh yeah...

Royalton?

Well, would you get me,

Strand 4110 please?

Hello?

Oh, Jerry...

Yes... yes I can go.

- Are you alright?

- I don't remember very much.

I need you very bad. I

think I'm in desperate trouble.

There was murder last

night, I didn't do them.

- I know you didn't.

- Where is he?

- You believe me, don't you?

- Yes, of course I believe you.

Tell me, Jerry, where are you?

I'm in Room 314 at

the Royalton Hotel.

Darling, I've got to see you.

Would you please come right over.

You just stay there.

I'll come right over.

Royalton Hotel.

Room 314.

- You'd better come along with us doctor.

- Yes.

- Who is there?

- Your brunch sir.

Just a minute.

Good afternoon sir.

Your brunch.

Er, just nicked myself shaving.

Oh, you ain't the only

one who's cut up sir.

Take a look at this.

I'll get the table out.

Papinek!

The Ripper!

The Red Headed Ripper!

No... no... I'm good.

Wait.

- Help! Murder!

- I am not a murderer.

Help! Police!

" Langleys "... Langleys, Langston!

Got to get on to Langstons!

Sorry. Mustn't miss my bus.

It's the Ripper!

Sorry.

Oop!

I'm terribly sorry.

Oh, I'm terribly sorry.

- How do you do?

- How do you do?

Could I be of assistance?

Possibly, I don't think so at the moment.

I'm just merely looking around.

- But, devilish look familiar...

- Oh, really?

- Hey, have we met?

- I don't think so, old man, I...

I haven't been here, actually. I have

been abroad, you see. At Prevaling,

Foreign Office Indra,

that sort of thing, really.

Ah, India... yes.

Did mountain climbing there, it's

rather good fun this time of the year.

Snow covered slopes, antelope

tracks, sheeing and zorted

good sport, you know.

- What do you think of the Himalayas?

- I beg your pardon?

I said, what do you

think of the Himalayas?

Loved him, hated her.

Was there any particular

model you had in mind?

I don't know, actually...

possibly 4 wheel, perhaps an engine

or some sort things you see...

Maybe you're interested in this

one of our most popular models,

The custom built sports vehicle.

Automatic transmission,

deluxe 5 side walls,

high compression, overhead valves,

extremely low petrol consumption,

4 wheel hydraulic

pepper touch brakes,

single sheet glare-proof windscreen,

- and conservatively priced at 1750 pounds.

- I say that is rather conservative...

Could you tell me, what that red

thing, sitting out there, so attractive?

That's our super

automatic demonstrator.

Demonstrator? Do you suppose

we could go out for a bit of a spin?

Unfortunately, can't leave the floor, huh?

- Oh, pity.

Do you care to take it out yourself?

I'd be delighted to. If you just give

me the keys, I should be most happy.

- I'll be back quickly.

- Let me explain about starting this...

No need at all. It isn't necessary. You

see I'm absolutely wizard with no help.

The governor would know

that I'm mechanical...

- That's you, huh

- Not at all. Goodbye.

- Cheerio.

- Ever so tall.

Aw, there you are! Exactly

how to find a salesman here.

- I say, are you free?

- No, you see, I'm a...

Yes, as a matter of fact.

Anything I can show you, sir?

Well, I am terribly interested in the new

"Superb". Is it as automatic as they say?

Oh, good heavens, yes.

It's one of the most automatic automatics

we have in all the automatics here.

- This is a two-seater?

- Two seater? Yes...

Well I'm rather tall you know and

I try to have the seat set back.

Well our seats set are

back at lovelier at the moment.

And for the moment our seat sets

are back to arrives back yard,

they'll have them set

your seat for you... back.

Well, I'm not awfully

keen on this color,

- but I saw one out there.

- But we do have its own demonstrator.

Red?

Yes. Perhaps that color

would suits you better.

You will just come along with me. I

should be most happy to explain it to you.

Oh, yes.

It's very nice.

Very nice lines.

Oh, there is a very interesting

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes