Kramer vs. Kramer Page #9

ON PHYLLIS--as she swings, connects and slams a ball in

a long, looping fly that goes at least two hundred feet.

ON TED--watching the ball disappear in the distance,

he turns back to Phyllis, open-mouthed.

CLOSE ON PHYLLIS--Embarrassed, she grins, shrugs and

hands the bat back to Billy.

CUT TO:

57 INT. O'CONNOR'S OFFICE - DAY

WIDE SHOT--O'Connor, Murray and the Art Director are

in O'Connor's office as the door opens and Ted enters,

carrying a pile of papers, charts, graphs, etc., etc.

TED:

Okay, Jim. Here's the report

on.

He stops in mid-sentence, looks around.

HIS P.O.V.:
On the walls are a series of mock-ups of

the various Fire and Ice ads, none of which are what

Ted and O'Connor had agreed upon.

TED:

(surprised)

What the hell is this?

O'CONNOR

(innocent)

Murray had some ideas about the

Fire and Ice campaign and he had

the art department make up a

few roughs...

(weakly)

I think they're kind of interesting.

TED:

(bugged)

I don't. Jim, this isn't

anything like what we talked

about. It's not even close.

MURRAY:

(oily)

Ted, basically it's still your

concept.

O'CONNOR

(chiming in)

Murray just added a few things,

that's all.

TED:

Now hold it right there, I'm

the one that went in and sold

Revlon on this idea to start

with, remember? You said I

was going to be--

Sound-effect:
the phone rings.

O'Connor picks it up.

ON TED:

O 'CONNOR

Yeah?

He listens for a moment, then hands the phone to Ted.

O'CONNOR

It's for you.

ON TED--as he takes the receiver.

TED:

(puzzled)

Yes?

Then, embarrassed, he turns his back and lowers his

voice.

TED:

Look, Billy, I told you before,

one hour of T.V. a day, that's

the rule...No...

(clearly, Billy is

giving him an

argument)

I don't care what the other

mothers do...Listen, I can't

talk now, I'm in a meeting...

(firm)

Billy, I'll talk to you later,

good-bye.

Note:
during the phone call, the CAMERA PANS AWAY TO

MURRAY & O'CONNOR, looks of bored condescension and smug

superiority on their faces.

Ted hangs up the phone and turns back around.

MURRAY:

(smooth)

Ted, I appreciate what you're

saying, but I really think you're

just too close to it right now.

O'CONNOR

(quickly)

Murray's right.

(reassuring)

Look it's just some ideas, okay?

I mean nothing's locked in cement.

I promise you this is your show...

ON TED--Not very reassured.

O'CONNOR

Trust me on this one, Ted...

CUT TO:

58 INT. LIVING ROOM, KRAMER APT. - NIGHT

Ted is sitting at the dining room table, working.

Spread out all across the table are layouts, rate

sheets, etc., etc. Billy sits across from him draw-

ing on a pad with felt-tipped pens. HOLD FOR A BEAT,

then:

BILLY:

(worried about some-

thing)

Mom, I mean dad...

TED:

(busy)

In a minute...

A beat of silence then:

BILLY:

What do you do when an elephant

sits on your fence?

Silence.

BILLY:

You get a new fence.

TED:

(he hasn't heard a

word)

C'mon, Billy. I'm trying to

work for God's sake...

Another beat of silence, then Billy reaches for his

glass of Hawaiian Punch and accidentally tips it over,

spilling purple liquid across all of Ted's papers.

Instantly, Ted is on his feet, yelling.

TED:

Goddamnit, can't you watch what

you're doing!

CROSS-CUTTING BETWEEN THEM:

BILLY:

(quiet)

I'm sorry.

TED:

Je-sus Christ! I catch all kind

of sh*t at the office because

I'm not pulling my weight

because I'm busting my butt

trying to be a decent goddamn

father and--

BILLY:

I'm sorry.

TED:

(sardonic)

That's terrific. That's really

terrific, but I notice I'm the

one that's cleaning up this--

(noticing an

important paper

covered with

grape juice)

Oh, crap, I'll have to do this

one over.

BILLY:

(starting to help)

I'm sorry.

By now there is nothing the boy can do right.

TED:

Look, it's after your bedtime,

okay? Just do me a favor and

go to bed, okay?

Billy gets to his feet, collects his stuff and

59 walks into his bedroom. HOLD ON TED who sits

for a moment, then gets wearily to his feet and

as THE CAMERA TRACKS WITH HIM crosses to the door of

Billy's room. He stops in the doorway, looks O.S.

HIS P.O.V.:
Billy struggling to get his pajamas on,

having a hard time.

CROSS-CUTTING BETWEEN THEM

TED:

Look, I'm sorry I yelled, okay?

BILLY:

(quiet)

That's okay.

TED:

It's just...I've been catching

a lot of flack at the office...

BILLY:

That's okay...

60 INT. OFFICE - DAY

ON THE DOOR TO O'CONNOR'S OFFICE--as it opens and

Phyllis comes out. In the B.G. in O'Connor's office

we SEE O'Connor and Murray, talking, laughing. THE

CAMERA TRACKS ALONGSIDE PHYLLIS as she walks to Ted

Kramer's office and opens the door without knocking.

PHYLLIS:

How about lunch, Kramer. I'm

buying.

CUT TO:

61 INT. RESTAURANT, MIDTOWN - DAY

ON TED AND PHYLLIS--as they sit across from one another.

A waiter stands over them, setting drinks in front of

them.

WAITER:

Perrier and lime...

(placing a drink

in front of Phyllis)

...and scotch with soda.

(putting Ted's drink

in front of him)

The waiter bustles away.

TED:

Okay, Phyllis, what's up?

PHYLLIS:

Kramer...

She breaks off, uncertain whether or not to go on.

Then, making up her mind, she reaches across, takes

Ted's scotch and soda and drinks half of it down in

one gulp.

PHYLLIS:

(in a rush)

O'Connor's out to get you. He's

going to take the Fire and Ice

account away from you.

TED:

(stunned)

What?!?

Phyllis nods.

TED:

(angry)

I don't believe it! That's

crazy! Why would Jim do something

like that?

Phyllis polishes off the rest of Ted's drink.

PHYLLIS:

(angry herself)

You want to know why? I'll tell

you why...

(signaling to

the waiter)

Another scotch and soda for

the gentleman.

(back to Ted)

I'll tell you exactly why.

Because you're not his buddy

anymore. Because he can't

count on you to sit around the

office every night until eight

or nine and shoot the sh*t with

him.

TED:

I can't. I've got Billy to

take care of.

PHYLLIS:

(exasperated)

You dope. O'Connor doesn't

give a damn about Billy. All

he wants is somebody that'll

hang around with him every night

so he won't have to go home.

TED:

(stiff)

I don't believe you.

The waiter sets Ted's drink on the table in front of him.

He starts to reach for it, but Phyllis is quicker.

PHYLLIS:

(taking a stiff drink)

All right. Okay. But tell me

something, Kramer. Who do you

think is palling around with

O'Connor these days?

Ted shrugs.

TED:

How should I know?

PHYLLIS:

Murray.

REACTION, TED--stunned, but trying to be nonchalant.

TED:

So...what's so terrible about

that?

PHYLLIS:

(would like to take

him by the shoulders

and shake him until

his teeth rattle)

Oh, for God's sake, Kramer.

You have got to be the world's

most naive human being.

(leaning forward)

Murray has gone in and changed

every single ad you've done on

the entire Fire and Ice campaign.

Every layout...Every idea...Every

single thing, right down the line.

TED:

No. No, I don't believe it.

Jim O'Connor would never let

anything like that happen. He

gave me my shot in this business.

If it wasn't for Jim O'Connor I'd

be--I don't know where I'd be.

He's a wonderful man...

PHYLLIS:

(apologetic for

having upset Ted)

Kramer, I'm sorry. All I was

trying to do was--

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