Krisha Page #2

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onto the cutting board

and I'm gonna slide it off.

You ready?

Yes.

Whoa, baby.

Let you in on a little

secret there, Krisha.

I f***ing hate dogs.

Hi-four-and-a-half!

Your goddamn sister.

Oh, god...

Vicki, Vicki, Vicki...

You sure married into the right

family for a guy who hates dogs.

If it ain't strays,

it's shelters...

The fosters that

she falls in love with.

She gets behind the glow box, there, and

she's on the websites finding the dogs

and they're just a bunch of a**hole-licking

menaces as far as I'm concerned.

Oh, come on...

No, I just as soon...

I have a soft appreciation for

euthanasia, I'll tell you what.

Oh, my god.

Chase!

All that sh*t talk, man!

That's 100 bucks!

That's $50 right there.

I'll tell you what...

Why don't you cook two of these dogs

tonight? Would you do that for me?

Then we'd be down to 14.

Would you do that for me? It doesn't

even have to be the pony over there.

Everybody all right out there?

Let's go again. Come on.

Okay, there.

Ugh!

All right.

Let's see...

We have that...

Mine do, too.

Mine's right here.

Well, you're in the locker room, so if

there's anything you want to divulge.

And between me, you and the

fence posts, I never offered.

Okay, then let me just ask

are you still on all the

blood pressure medications?

A lot of the blood thinners.

Couple of beta blockers. Uh...

What about the... Are you doing

anything to counteract that? Any...

- Viagra?

- Whatever?

Yeah. Sh*t fire, man. I've got an erection

that you can hang a damp topcoat on.

Okay.

Strong. Strong.

We should not have even opened the...

It's a strong, proud erection!

The worm can is too

full for me now, so...

Speaking of worms, I tell you what...

Let's put the lid.

At best, this is a garden snake.

It's a king cobra!

Oh, my god.

Oh, my god.

Some days are better than others

as far as the litany of pharmaceuticals

that I am acquainted with.

Oh, and you know what,

I hear you,

because mine are all legal

right now, believe it or not,

but, um, I hear you on that one.

Yeah.

Oh, sh*t.

Come on, chase, come on.

Come on! Come on.

Chase! Chase!

Shut up!

He's older than I am.

He's older than I am.

I'm actually... okay, god,

how am I gonna share this...

I am working on... Get out

of here, bone-ugly thing.

I am working on becoming

a more spiritual person.

And I mean, I am working on it.

I am working on finding

a peaceful person inside me.

Well, I'll tell you what,

it's a daily investment.

Um, and I am good with the

expletives and the superlatives

and I know I am

a quality imperfect soul,

but good god almighty,

I try, you know.

I put up an awful

lot with Vicki.

If these 12 f***ing

dogs are any indication.

But we have beautiful children.

Oh, my god... you do.

And this brand new... Did you

check out the pupa in there?

How about that little...

So sweet.

I know.

We needed a baby.

I know. She's gonna fetch...

She's gonna fetch a good

price in the market, she is.

Oh, my... Did I not tell you?

We're gonna sell that baby.

Are you kidding me?

A full-headed white

baby like that!

Stop.

Six digits, easy.

You are too much.

I'd get $100,000.

Oh, jeez.

Okay.

Trey!

Trey, can you come here please?

- Yeah, one second.

- Thanks.

Volume, please. There's a

sleeping baby in the game.

- I can't...

- What port is this?

What? I don't know. This

is the old USB port.

I just got so much going on.

I got so much in my mind.

I'm juggling so many things. I'm

juggling, like, five things right now.

All right, all right.

Just chill.

And then there's this, "do not

plug this device into your PC

"until all the installation

steps have been performed."

Like, when was

I gonna find this?

When was I gonna find this?

Where did you find it?

On the... on the floor.

Okay, so it's not talking to...

those are all my files.

Yeah, I got it. I got it. Those

are all my patient files.

And they're not talking to each

other, I don't understand.

All right, did... Will you give

me that cord, the blue one?

What, this?

Yeah, the blue one.

I mean, if I need something new,

it's going to be another $1500.

I know. And then it's

gonna be a year.

It's going to be like a year

before I get anything set up!

I know.

You know, I need this...

What...

What is that?

You're good.

It was the wrong cord. You had the right

USB port. Well, how did you know that?

Oh, god.

It was all the cord.

It was just the cord?

Yeah.

You know, just got a lot

of financial, you know...

I'm just under a lot of financial

strain right now, and, uh...

You doing all right?

Yeah. I'm good.

I just want to get you

set up as soon as possible.

Yeah, I do, too. That's...

that's what I'm doing.

I know. I know. One more semester.

Yeah.

Almost there.

Yeah.

You need anything else? No, no.

I'm good. I'm good.

You sure?

Yeah, I'm good.

You're okay with all of this, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm all right.

All right, come here.

All right, call me if you need me.

All right.

Hello, Dr. Becker.

Steve, how are you buddy? Hey.

About that golf game...

"Atheena was madly in love

with this super cute boy."

"And a sweet little girl

who just loved her cat, Twinx.

"The lovely, purple-haired

yogurt slinger.

"But I couldn't understand his

jibber jabber, so I shot him."

Jesus, that was good. It got dark.

It got really dark.

"Chase and Alex look like little

boys at the catholic church.

"They dreaded drowning

into an elephant's waterhole

"and we swam naked with

unicorns that told us secrets

"and the secrets were gold."

That's good.

That's really good.

Is it all right if I just have a

little catch-up with you? Yeah, sure.

"They were the very best part of

the action drama Terminator 2..."

"The action drama?"

"Made Logan feel very amazing about

himself..." Just come find me.

Okay.

Just woo me a little,

because you never woo me.

You just show up

and you're like,

"hey, honey, I'm kind of horny.

"I woke up with a boner this morning.

Let's bang a little before I go to work."

Also,

"can you toast my muffin?"

I don't say,

"let's bang a little."

I don't use the phrase,

"bang a little."

Well, it feels like you do.

What do you say? You say, "hey

babe, I woke up with a boner."

That you do say.

Yeah, because that's a fact.

That's just... "Hey babe,

I woke up with a boner.

"I feel pretty big today.

"Let's just get one in real quick.

You know what I mean.

"Get one in?"

Yeah, get one in.

Ugh! That is not...

What?

Like... do you know

anything about women?

These come up. These come up.

What does?

The bed.

Oh, my god!

This?

Yeah. The "up" button.

Would you do that?

Would you...

Oh, in a heartbeat. Oh, yeah.

You would?

You wouldn't pay like a lot

of money for that, though?

It depends on how much it was.

I think it's like

per woman, right?

Yeah, probably for sure.

I think it's a...

Guys, I prefer to leave this door open.

Oh, sh*t!

- Uncle David.

- What...

Hey, uncle David

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