Kuffs Page #3

of trouble while you're among us.

You must have messed up

pretty bad to deserve me, huh, Ted?

Look, kid.

I'm a cop, okay?

Personally, I think you patrol

specials are door-rattling jokes.

Now, we can talk,

we can tell each other lies,

we might even become friends.

But in the next two weeks, if you do

anything that makes me look bad,

I'll break you in half, okay?

You get laid much, Ted?

What do you mean?

What do I mean?

Uh, Ted, before we go,

I gotta run to the "toidey. "

I'll meet you back here.

You...

"Toidey"?

Well, I'm sure Ted is the victim

of an unhappy childhood,

and, some day, some psychiatrist

could release the caring human...

...that's struggling to get out.

But right now,

I don't have the time.

Could you please tell me where

the Narcotics Division is?

Thank you.

All right, all right, Doug.

I'll be honest with you.

Ever since my brother passed away,

I'm having a bit of trouble sleeping.

Mm-hmm.

Doug said half of one of these

would make you sleep...

like you had a tit

in your mouth for eight hours.

I don't know.

Ted's a pretty big guy, isn't he?

Should I? Yeah, sure.

Better to be safe.

Stir it up.

Oop.

I'm real sorry about what I said.

I got you a cup of coffee.

Next time,

sh*t before you sign in.

Sh*t! Sign in!

In the car!

Am I gonna be tested on this later?

Maybe.

You're not drinking your coffee.

I don't like hot coffee.

I like cold coffee.

Turn right at the next street.

You have some customers

at the end of the block.

That's the guy

that shot my brother.

Stop! Stop!

Look out!

Turn! Turn!

Turn! Turn!

- Stop the car!

- We're gonna lose him!

Are you crazy?

Stop the car!

Are you Trying to kill me?

What are you so angry about?

I wanted to follow the guy.

Did you see a crime being committed?

Did you see a

Crime being committed?

If we follow him, we will

see a crime being committed.

You are a Patrol special.

You don't go looking for a crime!

If you see a Crime being committed,

then you take action.

Otherwise, your job

is to service those people...

who are stupid enough

to hire you to protect them.

And if I'm gonna get killed

on this job, it's gonna be by a bullet,

not by a bus!

Now turn this Car around and

let's get back on your patrol!

You have a limited

vocabulary, Ted.

F*** you.

If you liked those, stick around.

I got a hundred more.

Come on.

One of your customers

is getting robbed.

I knew it.

I knew it!

I told you this would happen. I told you

we should just follow Kane.

We'd have him right now.

Stupid rookies.

Always think you're gonna hit

the big score your first night.

I'm a stupid rookie?

How much do you want to bet it's Kane?

A billion dollars.

Fine.

Get out! Get out of my store!

Look at my store!

You can't protect me! Your

brother was good, but you sh*t!

Calm down, sir.

Calm down.

We'll be right back.

Thank you, Mr. Chang.

Get out of my store!

Ted, I told you. Four guys

in a green station wagon.

You owe me a billion dollars.

Where you going?

I'm gonna go get Kane.

I can't let you do that.

Well, try and stop me.

Now calm down. We're gonna take this guy's

statement and write up a report.

You leave me

no choice, Ted.

I'm gonna have to hurt you.

That's it.

Oh, man.

Don't you see that getting Kane would be

as good for you as it would for me?

I guess you don't.

- You're pretty good at this.

- Thank you.

Do you give up?

Look, you don't have

to come with me.

Just say I ditched you.

I'll give you money for a cab.

I can't.

Sh*t.

What the hell is going on

around here, Bukovsky?

Just investigating an armed

robbery. Same as you, Sergeant.

- Is he a suspect?

- No. We were just...

trying to decide who's

gonna write up the report.

Don't try and dick me around, Bukovsky.

You're already on probation.

I'll run your ass in for

assaulting another officer.

Now, did he start

the fight?

Officer Bukovsky was, uh,

just being kind enough to

show me some moves I missed...

during self-defense class.

- You're the new patrol special, aren't you?

- Yeah.

Word to the wise, kid.

Your brother was a good man.

Don't cock up his memory.

Let's check

the damage inside.

George.

I'm sorry

about your brother.

Hey.

I bet you I know where

this Kane guy lives.

Is that him?

Yeah.

Good. Now we know he's home.

Let's get outta here.

Come on.

He's up there with his gang.

Five more minutes.

Now!

Wait one second.

- Huh.

- You were right.

He was up there

with his gang.

I think you saw someone else

in the green station wagon.

What could they possibly see

in a man that dresses that badly?

They have to be his alibi.

That's the only explanation.

You're not gonna follow him.

I think we should

follow the cab.

What do you think he's doing

in a Chinese laundry this time of night?

You saw his gang.

He needs clean sheets.

Oh, yeah. "Tedster,"

I meant to ask you before.

What, uh... What are you

on probation for, anyway?

Moral turpitude.

Moral turpitude?

What'd you do, sleep

with the captain's wife or something?

No. The chief's.

That's cool.

I didn't know

she was the chief's wife.

I picked her up in the supermarket,

in the frozen foods.

Hmm.

Is she, uh...

Is she pretty?

She's great.

She's a lot younger

than the chief.

That's great.

Way to go, Tedster.

What the hell

has he got there?

A tube of clothing.

You wanted to go to his house.

We did. You wanted to follow him. We did.

This guy's not happening.

Let's get back to work.

Uh, what was...

What was in that cup?

Coffee.

Yeah. Where'd you get it?

- You gave it to me.

- Right.

Car one, this is control. Do you copy?

It's for you.

Car one, this is control.

Answer it.

Go ahead.

Car one, this is control!

- Hello?

- Car one, we have an emergency

at 342 Kearney.

There's a jumper

on the fifth floor.

George, you're all I've got.

This is a customer call.

The jumper is on the ledge.

Sh*t, did you see that?

What?

It's Sam Jones.

Who?

Sam Jones.

Come on!

George!

George, do you copy?

George! Wait!

George!

Advisory for BART passengers.

Who's Sam Jones?

No smoking, eating or drinking is permitted

once you have entered the gates.

Thank you for keeping

BART safe and clean.

Watch out.

There he is.

Next Concord-bound train will arrive

at Montgomery Street in two minutes.

Embarcadero train approaching

Montgomery Street in two minutes.

Whoo!

Okay.

Attention, please.

Will Ms. Wills please contact

the station agent at extension 4123.

What the hell you think's

in that tube, huh?

Ted?

Next Concord-bound train will arrive

at MacArthur in two minutes.

Ted?

I'm okay. I'm all right.

George, are you there?

I'm all right!

Are you sure?

Where in the hell did you go?

We're on our way.

No. We gotta go to the laundry.

We're going to the jumper.

You need a search warrant

for a Chinese laundry.

Move it.

Move it!

Ay, ay, ay, ay, ay.

I'm all right!

Stop looking at me.

Stop looking at me.

I'm okay. It's just...

something I ate or stress.

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