Kuffs Page #5

but we all decided we don't

want you as our boss.

Well, this is a first.

A boss being fired by

his own employees.

Tell me, Bill, who do you think

should be boss, my little friend?

Me.

Nothing personal, Bill,

but, uh, you're fired.

You can't fire me.

These people want me.

We're not saying you can't own

the business, we're saying...

find somebody else

with experience to run it!

Is that what you're saying?

That's right.

Well, listen. Since I have taken this job,

I've been shouted at,

I've been bribed, I've even been

shot for you people!

And now you're telling me

you don't believe in me?

This is what we're gonna do.

If Bill beats me in

a fair fight right here, right now,

not only can Bill be boss...

I'll give you the business for free.

- What do you say?

- You're not serious?

Yeah, I am. But I gotta warn you,

I'm pretty good.

So if I win, I'm boss.

If I say jump, your only answer

is "how high. "

You're on.

Come on, Bill.

He was Golden Glove champion

twice, George. Forget it.

Hey, a deal's a deal.

You can't back out now.

All right, just

make it quick, Bill.

- You won't feel a thing.

- Thank you.

Ooh!

I win!

Why didn't I think of that

last night with Ted?

Okay, that'll be $113.65.

All right. What would you like

the card to say?

Ah, "Dear Maya,

"it was great seeing you

the other night.

Love and kisses on

all your pink parts. George. "

I guess you hear that

all the time, don't you?

Come in, George.

Excuse me.

Yeah, come in. Ten-four.

I got Bill on the line, and

Morino's called twice more.

You better call him soon.

Now, here's Bill.

Just checkin' in, boss. Sam Jones

got home 15 minutes ago.

Hasn't moved since.

All right. Why don't you just call me back

in about a half hour?

May I ask you a personal question?

Sure.

Have you ever, uh,

been married?

Goin' on 18 years.

Eighteen years.

Geez!

What's it like?

Is it still fun?

You still like her?

- Him.

- Oh.

Yeah, it's great. It has

its ups and downs, but it's great.

- Thank you.

- Sure.

Have a nice day.

You too.

When do you think

she'll get these?

Well, I'll call Sacramento right away.

Say, by 2:
00?

George, are you there?

I think I want to

change the card.

Yeah, come in.

I lost Kane.

He turned a corner and I turned the corner,

and he just wasn't there.

I'm sorry, George.

I'm not very good at this.

That's quite all right, Nikki.

I have a good idea where he's going.

Why don't you go hang out

by the laundry or something?

Hey, wait! Weren't you

gonna change the card?

Right, right.

"Dear Maya,

I really, really miss you.

"Would love it if you came to San Francisco

tonight for dinner.

But even if you can't, I'd still love

to talk to you. Love, George. "

Better.

Much better.

Yeah, I think so.

I am not interested

in selling at any price!

I understand

your store was robbed.

Yes.

Well, well, well.

Kane.

I should know you'd be standing right

next to the toilet paper.

What are you doing here?

I fired you!

I know you fired me, but you paid up through

next week, so here I am.

May I speak to you

for a moment, please?

Come on, come on!

Look, before we

get into this,

there's something I've

been meaning to ask you.

It's been bothering me

for quite some time now.

Where do you buy

your clothing?

What are you doing?

What am I doing?

My job.

See, I just overheard you asking

Mr. Chang to sell his business.

He said he didn't want to,

but you persisted.

So as much as I like you, Kane,

I'm gonna have to ask you to leave.

We had a deal, kid.

I paid you this morning.

Absolutely.

You hired me to protect your interests,

and I fully intend to do that.

You see,I also have a deal

with Mr. Chang.

And right now, you're on

his property.

That's why

I have to ask you to leave.

Don't mess with me, kid.

You see, if Mr. Chang

were on your property...

and he was leaning on you,

I'd ask him to leave.

And then, if he didn't

do it fast enough,

I'd pull my gun out of its holster

just like this...

and I would shout,

"Do we have an understanding...

or do you want to see if you can

breathe through your forehead?"

But I don't have to do that with you,

Kane, because we're pals, aren't we?

You might not live

to regret this.

I've lived to regret almost

everything I've done.

See ya.

You are going to

get us all killed.

I hope not.

Think positive, Mr. Chang.

Maybe we'll get lucky and win.

He said he was going home. But if he's there,

he's not answering his phone.

Try him again.

Hey! Well, Maya's

coming to dinner.

I guess the flowers

worked, huh?

Now get out

of my bathroom.

- Where's he stayin'?

- Brad's apartment.

If the son of a b*tch calls in,

you tell him to meet me there...

and to cease and desist

all operations. You tell him.

You tell him there's

a $50,000 balloon payment due...

...on the change of ownership

and that his banker,...

...Mr. Alan Eddy, wants it today or he's

no longer a patrol special.

What you're doing

is shitty!

What do you think?

Too subtle?

Show time!

Well, she's early.

It's a good sign.

I know it's tacky to

answer the door half-dressed,

but that's me!

Gun, gun, gun!

Geez!

Sh*t!

Geez!

It's on the fridge.

Huh.

You lookin' for me?

It's Maya.

- How's it goin'?

- Hi, George.

You remember my parents?

They just came in for the opera.

Oh. Yeah, of course.

Mrs. Carlton, Mr. Carlton.

- Doctor Carlton.

- Right. Doctor Carlton.

Aren't you going to

invite us in?

Uh, sure.

Uh, just a sec.

Jesus.

I'm not having too much luck

with turkeys now, am I?

Sh*t.

Do you believe this?

Maybe we could just go out

for drinks or something?

You and I

have got to have a talk.

Well, let me

throw a shirt on.

- What happened here?

- Ah... termites.

What's this?

- Is he dead?

- God, I hope so.

Well...

What a lovely apartment

you have here.

Why don't you guys go

to the back bedroom?

I think that'd be a good idea.

What?

Come on. Keep moving.

Where's the bathroom?

Straight back. Straight back.

Bedroom's to the right.

Raise

the toilet seat.

Go.

Freeze, a**holes!

Geez.

I'm sorry.

That's your banker.

No.

Hey, I'm real sorry about your tongue,

but I didn't know it was you guys.

No, no, no.

You were great!

You scared the sh*t out of me!

And you killed the guy

who was trying to kill you!

We got a good man here, Captain.

I think you're gonna make

a great patrol special.

What about the money

he owes you?

This is not

what he does.

He's not a patrol special.

He's a screw-up.

He got lucky.

Hold it, Capt. Morino.

Mr. Kuffs here, he just offered me

a $10,000 down payment on that loan.

And we have a saying

in the banking business:

"Never trust a bald barber.

He has no respect for your hair. "

Good night, gentlemen.

A strange little guy,

but I think I like him.

Now, if you could just get me the search

warrant for Mr. Wang's laundry.

It just so happens that

it's closed tomorrow.

Then you could reinstate Ted.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes