Kumiko, the Treasure Hunter

1

Bunzo...

Good morning!

Good morning, ma'am.

Welcome to Minnesota.

Can I offer you some

free tourist information?

Good morning. Can I offer you

some free tourist information?

This is a state map.

If I can get it open...

- Now what did you say your name was?

- Oh, thank you.

Kumiko.

I'm Robert. This here is Brad.

How do you do?

First off, by law, we have to tell you

that we're not associated with the airport

or the Minnesota Department

of Tourism in any way,

but the airport is kind enough

to lease out this space

so that we can offer assistance

to travelers such as yourself.

Uh... how to go Fargo?

- Fargo?

- Fargo.

Fargo.

Well... that's way up here.

It's actually on the border

in North Dakota.

And the way you get there

is you start here in Minneapolis...

and go right up 94.

Do you know how to get there?

No.

It's okay to be lost.

That's why we're here.

I was lost once.

I was going down the wrong road.

A depraved individual,

much different than the man

you see in front of you today.

But somewhere through

that haze of debauchery,

I saw the light.

Now there's some other groups here

that will offer you guidance.

I know that there's some Methodists,

and you don't see them too often,

but the guys with the ponytail...

Oh... "Harry Kishner."

- Hare Krishnas.

- Believe it is.

All good-intentioned, but...

- and I'm not knocking any of them...

- How go to Fargo?

Attention, ladies and gentlemen.

We're about an hour and a half

away from our destination,

and as you can see,

we have a minor setback.

Unfortunately, we have a flat tire.

And my carpal tunnel prevents me

from addressing this problem,

so we're gonna have to wait for backup,

which hopefully will get here

in a timely fashion.

If nothing else,

we'll get you transferred

to another bus as soon as possible.

So in the meantime,

just feel free to get up

and stretch and whatnot.

Can I help you?

What are you doing?

Can you hear me?

Can I help?

This is my home.

It's okay.

We'll get you where you need to be.

I need to use the restroom

and take my pills.

Come on!

You can get all warmed up.

I can barely feel my toes.

I have cocoa.

It's a hot chocolate drink.

It is hot, so blow on it.

Thank you.

Are you an exchange student or...

a tourist?

Yes.

Where's your home?

Where are you from?

Tokyo.

Oh, Japan.

Wow, that's a long way.

My late husband was in the Korean War.

You ever been to Korea?

Yes...

Oh.

Where are you going?

Now that's very interesting.

I like crafts, too.

Only I do doilies.

I want to go Fargo.

- Say again?

- Fargo.

Fargo?

That's too cold.

That's no fun.

This is not the right time of year

to go sightseeing.

I mean, you should have really

picked someplace warm,

like Florida.

Did you ever read "Shogun"

by James Clavell?

The book, and there

was a miniseries, too.

It's a good one. It's about Japan.

I think I have a copy.

Paperback. I don't like hardbacks.

Paperbacks are much easier to manage.

Hardbacks are for show-offs.

No, I've been to Puerto Rico...

and Acapulco, Bahamas.

I've been to London.

Ireland.

Here it is. I knew I had it.

Paperback.

Household dust.

It's mostly just dead skin.

Do you have DVD player?

DVD? No, only VHS.

And Canada, I've been there

dozens of times.

And I went on a cruise once

with Charles.

We went up to Alaska.

We got to see neat whales and icebergs.

Oh, that was a fun trip.

Gets dark real early.

Why don't you stay here tonight?

I mean, your schedule

seems pretty flexible.

And I'll warm up some leftovers.

I have tuna casserole.

- Um...

- No bones about it.

We'll get up tomorrow

and I'll show you around.

It's no fun traveling alone anyway.

Solitude? It's just fancy loneliness.

This is my son Bobby's room.

He lives in California now.

Never comes to visit.

He's pretty ungrateful.

Tomorrow, you take me to Fargo?

You don't wanna go there, hon.

Trust me.

I'll take you to the Mall of America.

It's a lot more fun.

They have an indoor Ferris wheel

and a mirror maze.

Now, you get a good night's sleep

and help yourself

to whatever you'd like.

Except for the sticky buns.

They're for breakfast.

Okay?

Okay.

Good night.

$6.01.

Good morning. How can I help you?

Check out, please.

You want to check out?

What room number are you in?

What's your room number?

- Two. Zero.

- Two? Zero?

Here, let me check.

I have a note here.

Your credit card declined.

Your credit card did not go through.

You have a bad credit card.

Bad card.

Yes.

This is business card.

This is your business card?

Did you want me to try one more time?

Nope, it declined again. It's bad.

So you might have to call

your credit card company

to check what's going on with it.

Or if you have another card

I will take it.

What you want to do?

I go get money.

Hey, hey, hey!

Hey!

I didn't mean to turn on the siren.

I bumped it by accident.

I got a call about a lady

wandering around in a blanket.

Are you that lady?

Back there, that was Paul Bunyan

and Babe the Blue Ox.

It's an American folktale

or something like that.

Babe used to be anatomically correct,

but apparently some drunk guy went

and shot the statue's privates off

with a 12 gauge.

I want to go Fargo.

- Do what now?

- Fargo.

I want to go Fargo.

It's... it's a good ways away.

It's not close.

I discover that.

So... what is that?

Jesus Christ.

You're looking for the money

that was in this?

That's what you're looking for?

I discover treasure.

- Yeah.

- Right here.

- Well...

- It's mine.

Okay, well, you see...

this is not real.

It's just pretend.

Like, you know, like entertainment.

Entertainment.

It's not real like a documentary or news

or a reality show, or something.

It's just...

it's just a normal movie.

You know, fake. Like a story.

No fake.

Yeah, fake.

No fake. It's...

And I know, I understand.

But a documentary is real,

and a normal movie is fake.

Not fake. Real.

This is a normal movie.

I discover treasure.

Right here.

Look, I...

Look, I want to help you.

I'm just trying to figure out how.

Hi, can I help you?

Hello, ma'am.

My name is Deputy Caldwell

with the Sheriff's Department.

- Okay.

- Not in this county,

- but that doesn't matter.

- Yes?

I'm here with this Japanese woman

who doesn't speak English

particularly well,

and so I was wondering

if you could possibly

translate a few things for us.

I'm Chinese. I don't know any Japanese.

- Not a...

- Not at all.

Don't you know just

at least a couple sentences?

Only Mandarin. That is it.

Very different.

Kumiko?

What?

Do you speak any Chinese?

No. Japanese.

Chinese.

How's your meal?

Okay.

You know, I was...

I was thinking about

those maps you have.

And...

I bet a standard highway map

would clarify things a little better.

You know?

I'm pretty sure I have one in the car.

So why don't you sit tight

here for a second?

And I'll go check.

I'll be back in a second.

I found it.

What's wrong?

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