Kung Fu

---

###

INSPECTOR CHAN:

MAN SCREAMING:

GLASS SHATTERING

MAN GRUNTING:

SUPER CRIME FIGHTERS

Anyone else?

Such a beautiful woman,

and you arrest her

just for spitting?

Is there no justice?

Is there no law?

Commissioner is only your boss

because he paid his dues

to the Crocodile Gang.

And you don't f***ing know me?

Sorry, I didn't know

she was your wife.

Ugly coward!

SCREAMING:

What are you looking at?

Never seen such

a handsome gang boss?

Who'd be in

the film business?

It's Sunday,

and the theatre's deserted.

WOMAN:

Where's the car?

RUMBLING IN DISTANCE

###

Let's go back inside!

Call for help!

No need for that,

Northerner.

While you were messing

with the cop, your men

signed up with us.

I'll kill all you

Axe Gangsters!

GUNSHOTS:

GRUNTING:

SCREAMING:

###

Stop! You forget the time

I treated you to dinner.

Brother Sum.

Please...

Please spare me.

Don't worry.

I don't kill women.

You can go!

Thank you, Big Brother.

GUNSHO:

###

Cops! Come clean up the mess!

THE AXE GANG:

In a time of social unrest

and disorder...

In a time of social unrest

and disorder...

...the gangs have moved in

to consolidate their power.

The most feared of them all

is the Axe Gang.

Only in the poorest districts,

which hold no interest for the gangs...

...can people live in peace.

PIG STY ALLEY:

###

CHATTERING:

MAN:

One, two, three!

That okay, Coolie?

No problem!

TAILOR:

NOODLES AND CONGEE

BURPS:

My check, please, Donut.

How much?

It's on the house!

Donut.

It's nothing.

I like you.

I'll ask the wife about

lowering your rent.

Morning, Landlord!

Landlord!

Jill! How you've grown!

Come let me examine you!

CHILDREN LAUGHING

Good to see you, Landlord!

What's so good about it?

Don't!

BOTH LAUGHING:

Can you make

the skirt slit higher?

Sure!

Look, a comet!

Jane! You naughty girl!

Landlord! You're such a scoundrel!

Don't go, Jane!

Stay and chat!

I'm only kidding. Jane!

Landlady!

Landlady!

What happened to the water?

FOOTSTEPS:

Water ain't free!

You talk a lot for someone

who won't pay his rent.

But I'm in the middle

of a shampoo.

You think that's a problem?

From now on,

no water on Mondays,

Wednesdays and Fridays.

Water ration Tuesdays,

Thursdays and Saturdays.

I just love hearing you fools

complain. A**holes!

Good morning, Landlady!

Just pay your rent,

or I'll burn your shop down.

MAN LAUGHING:

What's so funny?

Rent's no laughing matter, fairy!

Serves you right, you're a coolie!

Months overdue

and not even

a "good morning."

You'll be a coolie for life.

There you go, handsome!

What took you so long

with the congee?

I stopped to help

an old lady cross

the street.

What are you doing here?

Checking for Peeping Toms.

Was someone just spying

on you, Auntie Six?

Don't shoot your mouth

off without proof.

She's crazy.

CHICKEN CLUCKING

THUMPING:

LANDLORD GRUNTING

CHATTERING:

Go away!

###

CHILDREN CHATTERING

CHILD:

Please can you

teach us, sir?

No more soccer!

CRYING:

Who wants the cut?

My boss.

Take a seat.

SCISSORS SNIPPING

Done! Fifty cents, please.

Isn't it great?

It's too good!

Why'd you make

him look so good?

Why?

Don't get mad, boss.

He's my old buddy.

I'll handle this.

He's boss of the Axe Gang.

Don't you see the two axes?

We're bad guys.

Making him look good

is really bad. Understand?

I didn't know.

You're a numskull!

But I like you,

so just pay me,

and I'll take care of it.

No way!

Steady with the axe, boss.

Let me talk to him.

I really care for you.

You saw it for yourself.

Seriously.

Why don't you pay up.

Not much. Enough

for a drink.

Oh, so it's blackmail!

Boss!

Boss!

SNORING:

Now you're dead!

Looks like he's waking up!

I'm not afraid.

You can kill me.

But there'll be

thousands more of me!

You want to play tough?

The Axe Gang boss

is napping in there.

Whoever wants to die,

step forward.

So you want to fight?

Great! We'll go one-on-one.

Don't even think about cheating.

That old woman with the onion!

You look real tough.

Want to try me? I'll let

you hit me first.

What do you do?

I'm a farmer.

Farmers don't fight.

Piss off!

He's crazy!

Calling me names?

You're lucky you're a woman.

Hey, shorty! Yeah, you!

If you're short, you don't retort.

What did I say about cheating?

Sit back down!

You! The geezer with the

glasses. You look mean.

No, not you. I mean...

You!

Hey, kid, let's rumble!

All right, all right!

So no one-on-ones today.

You're all such wimps!

He blackmailed me.

Fat woman, you're

in charge here, right?

Fat woman, my ass!

I'm with the Axe Gang!

Axe Gang, my ass!

Boss!

LANDLAD Y:

Boss, my ass!

You have to pay our medical bills!

Bills, my ass!

We're on the same side!

Same side, my ass!

LANDLAD Y GRUNTS

Think you're so tough?

I'll call for backup!

You nitwit! Let's see

you call backup!

You don't know the backup I have.

I'm talking an army here.

EXPLOSION:

Don't you go away! Go put

a down payment on your coffin!

###

Who threw the firecracker?

I'm one of you, brother.

Mind your own business!

It's raining. Go bring

in your laundry!

Fat woman!

You blackmailing me too?

I ain't afraid.

Huh?

I...

PUNCHING & GRUNTING

Did anyone see

what happened?

Don't! My back's broken!

Call for help!

MUSIC PLAYING:

ON RECORD PLAYER

POUNDING:

MAN SHOUTING:

###

Hold on, calm down.

You hungry?

MAN:

Keep quiet.

GURGLING:

WOMAN:

No.

CRYING:

MUTED SOUND:

Who did this?

I'll count to three.

###

One...

two...

I did it!

SCREAMING:

GRUNTING & SCREAMING

WHIMPERING:

Are the goods okay,

Brother Sum?

Sorry!

Look away, kid.

Get rid of him!

We're the bad guys!

We're meant to do

the ass-kicking...

not the other way around.

And it's all because these

morons posed as Axes.

Don't waste your time,

Brother Sum.

We'll handle this.

You! Take care of it.

###

Boy, can this guy pick locks.

It's a living. Give me a break.

Pick that one too,

if you're so good.

Come.

I'll count to three.

Hurry!

Ready? Three!

BROTHER SUM:

That's quick!

Brother Sum, we really

want to be Axes.

That's why we did

what we did.

Give us a chance.

Ever killed anyone?

I've always

thought about it.

Then go kill someone.

I will!

Go on!

Thank you, Brother Sum.

We can always find

a use for that type.

###

SING:
I told you before,

you've got to look tough.

Tougher!

SING'S SIDEKICK GROWLS

Tougher!

GROWLING:

Act the part.

And try to stay awake.

It's tiring being tough.

Tiring? It's our living!

SING:

The streets out there are filled

with money and women.

You only need the will

and determination

to seize the opportunity to win.

This is our big chance!

We just kill someone,

and we're in the gang.

Then it'll be money

and women all the way!

Don't be like those beggars

with no ambition.

###

Who are you

looking at, four-eyes?

I'll smash your glasses!

Get lost!

Come here and say that!

You're really gonna kill someone?

That's right!

The four-eyes, the fat woman

and all the residents of Pig Sty.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes