Kung Fu Page #2
- Year:
- 2004
- 4 min
- 505 Views
But they're good at kung fu.
I can do kung fu!
Oh, yeah?
SNICKERS:
Didn't I tell you I know
Buddhist Palm kung fu?
MAN:
Hey there,handsome boy. Stop.
Amazing!
Do you know you
have a special aura?
You're so young,
but you have
the bone structure
and chi flow
of a kung-fu genius.
If your chi flow
can be channelled,
then you will be invincible!
Like the old saying:
You cannot escape your destiny.
The duty of upholding
world peace and punishing
evil will be yours.
Sure.
This is the scroll of the
Buddhist Palm. It's priceless.
But as it's fate,
I'll let you have it for $10.
###
You gave him your life savings?
Yes.
a doctor or lawyer,
but this was world peace.
CHATTERING:
SING:
Let go of the girl!
Hey! It's the Buddhist Palm!
"The 20-Cent Kung Fu Manual."
CHILDREN LAUGHING
You must be loaded.
Have you killed anyone lately?
He's a fool,
and she's mute.
Losers!
I realized then that good guys
never win. I want to be bad.
I want to be the killer!
Ice cream!
Where?
Make mine a vanilla.
Chocolate for me!
###
What're you looking at?
Never seen free
ice cream before?
Look at her run!
LAUGHING:
You're such kung-fu masters,
go take it on the road.
You belong
in the circus, not here!
Don't say that, Landlady.
There must be
a reason they're here.
Everyone has
his reasons.
We don't want
to make trouble.
I'm glad you get it.
The mob's mad at us.
We'll never hear the end of it.
Why don't you get lost!
Your wife shouldn't be so nasty.
MOANS:
You okay?
WOMAN:
Masters.
We have nothing
precious to give you,
but take this as a token
of our appreciation.
Thanks for saving us!
LANDLAD Y:
Stop the crying.
This isn't a show!
You're so cold-hearted.
Talking back to me, eh?
You may know kung fu,
but you're still a fairy.
CRYING:
It's no crime to be
good at kung fu!
Once a fairy,
always a fairy.
Look at you. What's with
the red underwear?
Why not a diaper
while you're at it.
J ANE:
What's wrong
with red underwear?
Where were you
when there was trouble?
If it weren't for them,
we'd be finished.
Be reasonable!
I'll reason with you.
You owe me three
months' rent. That's $90.
Pay up or pack up!
Don't you worry. I'll pay it.
Think you're a smartass,
Rabbit-Tooth Jane?
What's it to you,
tub of lard?
B*tch!
Calm down, Landlady.
This is your fault.
PEOPLE SHOUTING:
MAN 1:
Are you trying to kill us?MAN 2:
You're right.MAN 3:
How could you do that?
Shut the hell up!
HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING
GLASS SHATTERS:
You think you can out-yell me?
The fat lady can really sing.
Watch this!
###
What happened?
What do you mean,
what happened? You try it.
Me?
Quick!
Sorry! You okay?
and take better aim. Okay?
Okay!
Who's throwing the handles?
Handle?
Where's the third knife?
Could it be the
same one? Can't be...
Don't!
Sorry.
What are you trying to say?
I just remembered I have
something to do. See you!
Uh-oh. They've seen us!
Stay back!
Don't panic! Snakes like music.
If I whistle, they won't bite.
Please, no more bright ideas.
HISSING:
Oh, what the hell!
WHISTLES:
GASPS:
Not you again, a**hole!
MAN:
Get back to your business!
Split up!
Split?
###
WHIRRING:
HORN HONKING:
THUD:
###
TYRES SCREECHING
WOMEN SCREAM:
POUNDING:
What're you doing here?
Looking for you.
Weren't you hurt?
I'm fine!
How come you always
recover so fast?
I don't know.
Which hospital did you go to?
Don't remember.
Maybe it's better that way.
Memories can be painful.
To forget may be a blessing!
I never knew
you were so deep.
All the sadness
one can bear...
down the river everywhere.
Hey, get out of the way!
SING'S SIDEKICK:
Move!
SING:
I'll slap you
to kingdom come!
Look at those four-eyes
carting around a coffin.
What morons!
LANDLAD Y:
Don't blame me
for making you leave.
We'll let Buddha decide
BELL TOLLING:
whether you stay
or go.
HORRIFICALLY BAD FATE
Have some tea.
We're grateful for
some professional help.
We understand the problem.
Twelve Kicks from the Tam School,
Iron Fist from the Hung School
and the Hexagon Staff...
Those guys at Pig Sty
are really good.
HARPIST 2:
Their warrior days
are long over,
but they're still top fighters.
This job is a great
challenge for us.
Now, that's professionalism.
Number One Killers.
Expensive, yes,
No! Number one is the Beast,
the world's top killer.
HARPIST 2:
He was so dedicated to kung fu,
he went crazy.
I heard he's now in an asylum.
So you're the
top killers now.
Strictly speaking,
we're just musicians.
A song that wrenches the heart
O where do I find a knowing ear?
Great poem, isn't it?
###
We'll be saying
goodbye soon.
Who knows when we'll
see each other again.
We're three of a kind.
Wish we'd known before.
Let's take this opportunity
to spar a little.
No. We still have
a lot to pack.
You're right.
###
Twelve Kicks of the Tam School!
Superb attack and defence!
Iron Fist:
powerful yetdelicate. Top-notch!
Hexagon Staff, with its
thousand moves. Mystical!
ALL:
Till we meet again!
SHOUTS:
CLATTERING & CAT SCREECHING
MUSIC PLAYING:
ON RECORD PLAYER
LANDLAD Y:
More lipstick!
INDISTINCT CHATTERING
Stay there,
or I'll break you in half.
###
###
JINGLE:
###
Sorry, we're closed.
You can make
a suit in no time.
We're moving.
This is good material!
You know your stuff.
This has high artistic value.
How high?
At least a few stories...
###
Insulting the Axe Gang!
We'll show them.
Let's kill them all and make
this place a brothel.
Don't block my view!
What's going on?
GRUNTING:
Good!
Good!
Don't block my view!
Damn! I told those nitwits to leave,
but they're still here.
Really?
Yeah.
What the hell is this fighting?
Who'll pay for the damage?
Sorry, sorry. It's nothing!
COUGHS:
You know what time it is?
I have to sleep.
Hey, fatso, eat sh*t and die!
Die? In this racket?
Sorry, sorry!
LAUGHS:
Get out of my way!
Hang in there, Tailor.
LANDLAD Y:
Be quiet!
HIGH-PITCHED SCREAMING
LANDLAD Y:
Give us a break!
Why push us so far?
There's another master?
###
GRUNTING:
GROANING:
SCREAMING:
GRUNTING:
It's the Lion's Roar!
I thought that was a myth.
Who knew the Lion's Roar
really exists?
That's the last
we'll see of them.
It's bad, Brother Sum.
Quick, start the car!
Start the car!
Boss!
Keep it down!
Have you no manners?
Get lost. People
are trying to sleep.
They have
to work tomorrow.
Get out of here!
Scumbags!
###
WOMEN SOBBING:
DONUT:
I can't hang on much longer.
But having seen
real masters
like you...
I can now die in peace.
Don't say that.
We're ordinary folks.
Ordinary's a blessing.
Don't call us masters.
But you're such
great fighters!
If only you'd helped earlier,
they wouldn't have to die this way.
Like Donut said,
everyone has his reasons.
Years ago...
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"Kung Fu" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 21 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/kung_fu_12035>.
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