La vache Page #3

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What do you mean?

She saw your photos.

What photos?

Of you drinking with girls...

Photos with the fat girl.

Shame on you!

Cathy'?

That was for a show.

What show?

You're eating her mouth!

A show?

It was just a show. A show!

Samir?

- Fatah?

- Samir?

Jacqueline, why did I do it?

Why did I drink the pears?

Now I have to pay the price.

This is shame beyond shame.

Come,

let's go find a hole.

Come.

We'll stay in the hole

and never come out again.

What a disaster.

The end of the world...

That bastard said it wasn't booze.

Does he work for the devil or what?

It's all the pears' fault.

Jacqueline!

Where are you?

What are you doing in there?

Why did you go?

What's going on?

What is it?

Come on, you have to move.

Come on, push!

Sir, this is private property.

Can't you read?

I need help!

Help!

Lucien, go and see.

He's going to help us, beauty.

Don't worry.

- What's wrong?

- My cow's stuck in the mud.

Tried pulling her horns?

Yes, but it doesn't work.

We haven't got all day!

I'll be right back.

Well'?

I'm not sure,

but I think his cow's stuck

and he can't get her out.

Do we help him?

It's muscular.

- A sprained tendon.

- Is it serious?

Can't say.

She'll have to rest a few days.

That's not possible.

We're due at the Agricultural Show.

How'll you compete if you can't walk?

Lucien, put the cow in the stable

and her owner in the annex.

We'll see tomorrow.

Armand, take the cow.

We'll get you warm.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

"I declare war!"

He wasn't laughing.

I didn't care.

I declared war on Poland!

On Yugoslavia. On everyone!

He said, "Get Jacqueline to sign."

How'll she sign? With her hooves?

He said, "Welcome to France.

Where do I stamp her?"

I said,

"Stamp her wherever you like!"

Nicole, could I have the next dish?

Of course, sir.

I always screw up.

I can't help myself.

Yes, the notary knows.

I spoke to him earlier.

Of course.

We need the money now,

not in six months.

Yes, I know.

Nicole...

Excuse me a second.

Nicole, what's for lunch?

A leg of lamb, sir.

Can you set a place for...

Mr Fatah?

Yes, for Mr Fatah.

Sorry I'm late.

It's non-stop here

with the stables,

the renovations and the bank.

You're looking at this?

Pretty, isn't it?

Late 18th century.

My ancestor,

the fourth

Count Baudreuille de Cuyer-Ville,

and the others around him

are the peasants who worked his land.

Once a year, after the harvest,

he invited them all here

to celebrate.

Nice idea, hmm?

Didn't end too well though.

They guillotined him.

Right, let's eat.

Thank you, Nicole.

Ever been to the Agricultural Show,

Mr Philippe?

No, thank you!

10,000 plebs fondling cows' rears...

No, thank you,

I don't drink wine.

When I drink booze, I blow a fuse.

The other day,

I drank pears for some reason.

I was in a sort of delirium.

I was stressed, stifling...

It was as if...

Are you Ok? What's wrong?

I'm fine. Sorry.

This is good.

Where's your wife? ls she dead?

No. Why do you ask?

A guy like you without a wife

means she's dead.

But my wife isn't dead!

She left you?

You French guys,

your wives leave you.

We scream and fight.

It's hell, but we stick together.

- Why?

- We didn't get on.

So we split up.

You'll find a new one.

I don't want to find a new one, Fatah!

Back home, men twice your age

marry brand-new women.

Straight from the store.

Besides, Mr Philippe,

you have a nice chateau, a nice car...

You must be pretty rich.

No, I'm not "pretty rich".

That's why she left me.

Happy now, Fatah'?

I'm sorry.

It's all right.

Who's he?

- Who'?

- Him there.

On the couch.

That's my dog.

Why is he in the house?

Because he's my dog.

- Ok.

- You seem surprised.

Yes, my dog's in my living room.

You talk to your cow.

It's different. I've known Jacqueline

since she was a baby.

Her name's Jacqueline?

Yes, a French name for a French cow.

If she was Spanish, she'd be Conchita.

What's his name?

Serge.

It suits him.

The notary is here.

I'll be right there.

Show him to my study.

No, don't move, Fatah.

I enjoyed our talk.

If you need anything at all,

just ask.

- Enjoy your meal.

- Thank you.

Want some lamb, Serge?

Are you crazy?

You're a dog.

You already have a couch.

Your leg's better, isn't it?

That's good. It's better.

Right, beauty?

Mr Philippe!

She's walking already.

So I see, Fatah, that's good.

Want to pet her?

No, it's Ok.

- Sorry, it's the only solution.

- I understand.

I'll call you.

Have a good day.

You too. Thanks for coming.

Everything Ok, Mr Philippe?

Problems?

Nothing serious.

Rich people's problems.

I can't afford the upkeep on this place.

I'll take a walk.

I need to be alone.

I'll come too.

If you want, Fatah.

When I need to think,

I like to be alone too.

It's just you and your thoughts,

you can decide things.

No one to disturb you.

Just peace and quiet.

It's nice.

God has seen that you helped me.

That's good.

He'll give you lots of "Conchita".

- What'?

- "Conchita".

They're like points.

God gives a "Conchita" for a good deed.

I bet you have lots of "Conchita".

So what does it get me, this...

What was it?

"Hassanat".

Could I mend my roof, for instance?

It's killing me.

No, the roof is too expensive.

You need to go to Mecca for that.

On foot.

That's a long way.

Do you have a lot of "Hassanat"?

No, I lost mine with the pears.

What's this pear business?

Mr Philippe, please...

I'm too ashamed to talk about it.

Where did the idea

of travelling with your cow come from?

"The Cow and I"?

The cow and what?

The film with Fernandel.

Haven't you ever seen it on TV?

Not on Algerian TV.

No Fernandel and no comedies.

Nothing but serious men in suits

with Fernandel.

- Really?

- Yes.

Turn the TV on, moustache.

Switch channels, moustache.

Turn it off, moustache.

It's Moustache TV.

No children's shows?

Yes, there are cannons.

With Fernandel.

I'd like to keep you,

bu! if! take you,

we'll sink.

This is your home.

You're used to this place.

You understand the language.

I couldn't have kept you.

I live in a 4th floor walk-up.

I love this scene.

He leaves her to cross the river.

Wonderful.

Farewell, Marguerite.

Farewell, my old friend.

Fatah...

Don't get in such a state.

It's just a movie.

Sorry, Philippe.

I'm too sensitive for an Arab.

Even the music's beautiful.

I don't know if...

it's Mozart

or Mon Schuman.

It's good. Good stuff.

It's what she said.

It wasn't my fault!

I told her that!

That sh*t Mokhtar

went to see Ham Hamed.

Mokhtar? What did he say?

I can't tell you.

I'll smash that guy's face in!

Talk to you soon, Samir.

- Everything ok?

- Not at all.

It's utter chaos.

Naima wants a divorce.

What'll I do'?

Kill myself like Tony Bennett?

No...

Imagine if Naima leaves me.

What'll I do alone at home?

I've never seen the kitchen!

That's a nuisance.

If she won't talk to you,

try writing to her.

You can write?

Yes, a little.

Letter by letter.

I can write "Fatah",

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