Labor Day Page #4

where they only focus on drama.

No one cares about sports

or what kind of clothes you wear.

The teachers stay off your case.

It's really elevated.

But at the last minute, my parents

decided they didn't have the money.

Could they get a loan?

Oh, they have the money.

They're just using me

as a pawn in their sick little game.

What's that?

It's for my mother.

She wants to know if Canada

might be a good place to move.

And how do you feel about that?

Moving. Leaving your friends.

I'm asking because

that's what I had to do.

And frankly, I consider it child abuse.

I don't know. Canada seems nice.

Do you even know if they're taking you?

My mom wouldn't leave me behind.

When people have sex,

it affects their brains.

They can't see things normally.

It's like a drug.

I'm not sure if that's true.

Well, you're probably

gonna need an intervention.

Maybe even need to deprogram her.

- Deprogram her?

- Yeah.

This guy...

Does he have charisma?

Maybe.

Too bad your mom and my dad

couldn't get together

before this whole

boyfriend person showed up.

But then if you and I got married,

it'd be kind of like incest.

My mother doesn't normally date anyway.

I see only one hope for you.

You need to find a way

to get him out of your life.

I don't know if that's possible.

Either you get rid of him,

or he's probably going to get rid of you.

JERRY LEWIS ON TV: All these

people here love you a lot.

A lot of them don't even know you

and they love you,

because you represent so very much.

But I'm very, very proud

that I could put this show on for you.

And I hope next year we can do better

so that you can sit in

a different position.

We love you, Mikey Neufeldt.

God bless you.

(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING ON TV)

What time is Women's League?

Women's League is Tuesday.

Mandy?

(CAR HORN HONKING)

GERALD:
Hey, pal.

So that's the fool that walked out on you.

(WHIRRING)

MARJORIE:
You full? Yeah, Chloe?

He's good. You're a good eater tonight.

Uh-oh. Fribbles.

So...

Seventh grade. How about that?

Richard's thinking of

going out for lacrosse.

Aren't you, Rich?

Yeah. Maybe.

How about you, pal?

Lacrosse'? Soccer, maybe?

Probably not football till you get

a little more meat on those bones, huh?

Actually, I was thinking of

signing up for modern dance group.

Well, I'm not sure

that would be such a good move.

I know how your mother feels

about dancing,

but people might get the wrong idea.

They might think...

- They might think you're gay.

- MARJORIE:
Richie.

Or they might think I like girls in tights.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

You boys are reaching that stage of life.

Probably time for us to have

a little man-to-man conversation.

I already had that with my real dad.

I guess that just leaves you and me.

It's okay. I'm up to speed.

Well, I'm sure your mother

gave you the basics,

but there are some things

a guy needs to hear from a man.

MARJORIE:
It can be difficult

not having a man around the house.

Who says I don't?

(SIGHS) Before you know it,

you two boys will be going out on dates.

A couple of lady-killers!

If I was still in seventh grade,

I'd think you two were the cutest.

Gross. If you were still in seventh grade,

I wouldn't even be born.

Not to mention it'd be incest.

Were you serious?

About a guy hanging around the house?

- What do you care?

- Hey.

You're my kid.

I'd like to know who's around.

Thanks.

- See you later.

- GERALD:
Bye, pal.

(CAR DOOR CLOSES)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

FRANK:
Henry, your mom

is some kind of dancer.

Most people wouldn't tackle the cha-cha

in this kind of weather'

HENRY:
Yeah. It was a little loud.

(EXHALES) It's just music.

I just figured

we were trying to avoid attention.

Oh, come on, Hank.

- You can have the next dance.

- (MUSIC STOPS)

I'm going to go to bed.

Henry, wait!

Um...

There's something

we wanted to talk to you about.

(SIGHS)

After your father left,

I thought I would be alone forever.

I didn't think I would

care about anyone else besides you.

I'm really happy for you.

We're thinking Canada might be

a good place to start over.

Canada?

They speak English.

And you don't need passports

to get across the border.

Thanks for the research, bud.

We've decided 10 go together.

Will I ever see you again?

What are you talking about?

Do you even care about

what happens to me?

ADELE:
What?

You didn't think...

We're all going.

Really?

I would never leave you.

You would have to leave school.

And you couldn't tell anyone, okay?

We would just pack the car and go.

What about the roadblocks?

They're looking for a man

traveling alone.

They won't be expecting a family.

ADULT HENRY:
A family.

- Half.

- (STAMMERS) But, I just...

Half.

HENRY:
I'll be back in a little bit.

Hank, we still have work to do!

I know. I'm almost done.

ELEANOR:
Any luck getting

that sex fiend out of your house?

I don't think he's a fiend.

But, no. He's still there.

It's easy, you know.

Just tell your mom he touched you.

It's not like that anymore.

We're actually getting along.

They're going to take me with them.

To Canada.

ELEANOR:
When?

Tomorrow.

On the first day of school?

It's him, isn't it?

You're on the run.

This one, right?

(GROANS)

Are you okay?

(GROANING)

Probably just need some aspirin

before we hit the road.

- Let me take a look.

- No, I'm fine. It's fine.

If this is going to work, sometimes

you need to let me take care of you.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

ADELE:
Oh.

Jesus.

- You need medicine.

- No, it can wait.

No, it's infected.

I'll send Henry to the pharmacy.

Let me do it.

It's okay. You go.

No, there's still too much packing to do.

I don't think

you're going to make a run for it.

Okay.

ELEANOR:
How'd you escape?

HENRY:
It's not like that.

- He trusts me.

- (ELEANOR LAUGHS)

ELEANOR:
Or maybe he was just

waiting for you to leave the house

so they could run off together.

(ENGINE STARTING)

ELEANOR:
It's just like

Bonnie and Clyde.

HENRY; Who?

ELEANOR:
They made

a movie about them.

Bonnie was this woman who was bored

because she hadn't had sex

in a long time.

This guy, Clyde just showed up one day

and took her away.

They drove all around, holding up banks

and living out of their car.

HENRY:
What happened to them?

In the end' they got killed.

Federal agents tracked them

and gunned them down in an ambush.

The part where Bonnie gets killed

there's so much blood,

my mother couldn't even watch.

Could you imagine if your mom

got killed in an ambush

and you were right there watching it?

They probably wouldn't shoot

at you since you're a kid,

but you'd see the whole thing.

It'd be pretty traumatic.

I bet you never did that before.

Now you'll always remember

I was the first girl you ever kissed.

It's a shame you're leaving

just as we started dating.

I'll have to find another boy

to make out with.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

What's wrong?

Nothing.

If you're not up for this,

you need to let me know.

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