Ladybugs

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When you got up this morning

and you looked in the mirror,

you were losers!

When you came here this morning,

you were losers!

Now look at you!

To succeed in this world,

we must do everything we can

to appear successful.

So when people criticize you,

fill you with insecurity and self-doubt,

whip it out!

I am great! I am wonderful!

Everybody likes me!

Stand up!

Whip it out!

I am great. I am wonderful.

Everybody likes me.

I am great. I am wonderful.

Everybody likes me.

Sit down!

Congratulations, ladies and gentlemen.

You are now prepared and equipped

to take your rightful places

as captains of industry.

You are ready and armed!

And remember, when you get a job,

make sure your boss is taller than you.

That way it's easier to kiss his ass.

I make a joke. I make a joke.

Okay, everybody, stand up!

- I am great. I am wonderful.

- I am great. I am wonderful.

- Everybody likes me.

- Everybody likes me.

- I am great. I am wonderful.

- I am great. I am wonderful.

- Everybody likes me.

- Everybody likes me.

Shut up!

- Hello?

- I just want to remind you,

you have a meeting

with the man himself, Mr. Mullen.

10:
00 tomorrow, in his office.

So don't forget.

So far it's just a meeting,

so, you know, don't count on anything.

Are you kidding? It's in the bag.

And I don't care what you think, Julie,

those seminars

with Dr. Von Kemp really paid off.

Good luck, Chester. You deserve it.

My name is Chester.

I'm great. I'm wonderful.

Everybody likes me.

My name is Chester.

I'm great. I'm wonderful.

Everybody likes me.

Hey, Chester. My name's Harlin,

and to me, you look like a giant a**hole.

Well, if I'm an a**hole,

there's a reason for it.

You're contagious.

Oh, yeah?

All those beautiful people

in this neighborhood

Hey, let's beautify the neighborhood

Oh, honey.

Stay indoors.

The way you made love last summer

You ruined my spring

Hey, Matthew, catch.

- Nice try. Where's your mother?

- I don't know. I'm busy.

Hey, Matthew, not too close.

You'll strain your eyes.

And later on in other places.

- Guess who.

- Tom Cruise.

No, close.

I have no idea.

You have to give me a hint.

It's the man who for you

would swim the deepest ocean,

climb the highest mountain

and sees bluebirds when you smile.

- You crazy girl.

- Chester, hi.

Oh, flowers.

All right. It's not my birthday.

What have you done wrong?

Honey, nothing is wrong.

Everything is right.

10:
00 tomorrow morning,

I'm seeing the big boss, Mr. Mullen.

My promotion is in the bag.

I can hear those wedding bells now.

Yeah, it sounds great, Chester,

but I've heard it all before.

And Matthew and I,

we're getting along better.

Last Christmas

we weren't getting along at all.

And I gave him a BB gun,

he gave me a sweatshirt

with a bull's-eye on the back.

I mean, he has a weird sense of humor.

I mean, Easter, he gave me

chocolate bunnies made of Exlax.

But we'll work it out.

Bess, baby, listen to me.

I'll be the father he never had.

It's going to be first class all the way.

We'll take more vacations.

- We'll stay in the best hotels.

- We'll steal better towels.

- Hey, we'll join a country club.

- We'll become alcoholic snobs.

We'll hang out with Maryann and Biff

and take Dad's car. That's deuce.

How did I get so lucky?

Men. They only want one thing.

But if they don't want to marry me,

they ain't getting that thing no more.

Because if I can't sell it

I'm gonna sit right down on it

Before I ever give it away

- Beautiful, beautiful.

- Oh, Chester.

I'd ask for an encore, but I'm busy.

It's time to see the man.

Then it's on to bigger and better things.

So, goodbye, old office.

Goodbye, desk. Goodbye, chair.

You didn't say goodbye to the plants.

I talked enough to them plants.

They say if you get too friendly,

it's no good, you know.

- Good luck.

- Thanks.

Oh, and I'm glad

you gave me the right finger.

Mr. Mullen's board meeting is at 2:00.

Then he has

a new mall dedication at 4:00.

- Hey, sexy, how you doing?

- Oh, Chester.

Hey, too bad I'm spoken for.

You're my type.

I love girls with eyeglasses.

Take them home, you breathe heavy,

you know what you're doing, you know?

Hey, tell Mr. Mullen

his top salesman is here.

You could sell anything, Chester.

I bet in your day

you sold a few things yourself.

Plenty of heat left in the old furnace,

huh, baby?

You know, I still can't believe

you never got married.

You're too particular,

that's your problem.

What do you say we practice

till you meet the right guy?

Chester!

I'll tell him you're here.

Mr. Mullen...

Mr. Mullen,

Chester Lee is here to see you.

Tell him to wait. I'm busy.

Another employee

who thinks he's due a promotion.

I have to let him down.

As I was saying, David,

now, Brad was a great coach,

but we don't have Brad anymore.

Darling, we need a new coach.

Someone who knows what he's doing,

to make sure the Ladybugs stay

a championship team.

Now, we wouldn't want our daughter to

be on a team that are losers, would we?

Do it for me, David.

You know we like to do things

to make each other happy.

Act on what I've said, David.

Good day, Mrs. Mullen.

That's Mrs. Mullen. She's very classy.

Yeah, very classy.

I heard when she drives her car,

she keeps her legs crossed.

Yes, sir. You may go up now.

Hey, Mr. Mullen. How are you?

Fine, Chester. And you?

I'm great, great. Thank you. Yeah.

I just saw your wife on the way out.

Lovely lady. She was in a hurry.

Well, she's very busy, you know.

She does a lot of charity work.

Yeah, I know.

She handles all the policemen's balls.

The new mall in the south district.

Boy, what a beauty.

I'll sell this space out in no time,

Mr. Mullen.

Have no fear, Chester is here.

Well, you know, Mr. Mullen,

the reason I asked to see you is,

I've been with the firm now for 12 years

and I work very hard, you know.

A look at the bulletin board,

you can see the last quarter,

my sales are number one, you know.

And, you know, I figure that,

you know, I'm due a...

Well, you know, I'm entitled, I figured,

you know...

I mean, if you can see your way clear,

you know...

And you know, my girlfriend, Bess,

we want to get married

and on my salary alone...

I want her to quit her job,

it'll be a little rough for us.

So I figure, you know, if...

You know, I work hard.

And I'm a company man, you know?

What do you think, huh?

Yes?

All right. Put him on.

Tom! No, no. Your timing's perfect.

I'm not doing anything.

How's your golf game?

You did? With who?

Judge Cole, that old bastard.

Yeah, did he tell you the story

about the three hookers

and the midget D. A?

Yeah, head over heels.

I was playing last week with Bobby

and that crazy Scott McTeague.

We were out on number three,

you know, the par five.

Bobby is on the green in two long hits.

We walk up on the green,

Bobby's looking at a 60-foot...

Chester, you're blowing it.

...he walks on the green

and screams at him,

"Christ, you can kick it in from there.

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