Ladybugs Page #2

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Take it away."

Well, I got to kiss the boss' ass.

Kiss the boss' ass, yeah.

No, Ron will give us six strokes.

He wants the parking lot contract.

You're right. I love to win.

See you this weekend. Okay.

Now, Chester, you were saying?

Mr. Mullen,

I see you were quite a soccer player.

Boy, look at all those trophies.

Oh, boy, I bet you could teach me

a few things, huh?

You know, we have so much

in common.

We both want the best

for Mullen Industries,

- and we both played soccer.

- Chester.

Chester, Chester, Chester.

Come here.

Chester, I never played soccer.

My company sponsors

a girl's soccer team, the Ladybugs.

They won these trophies,

and I'm very proud of them.

Chester, keep up the good work.

I am glad we had a chance

to have this little chat.

Darling, I almost forgot.

There's a do tonight at the country club.

- Dear, say hello to Chester Lee.

- How do you do?

I'm not gonna sit

next to the Vandemiers.

Chester was just admiring

our soccer trophies.

He was telling me

he's quite the soccer player.

Oh, really?

- What position did you play?

- I was a...

- A kicker.

- A kicker?

Everyone on the team is a kicker.

I mean, what position?

Well, you know, you name it,

I played it, Mrs. Mullen.

Yeah? Were you a sweeper

or a forward?

Sweeper, forward, backward, outfield,

tight end, I played them all, you know?

- You don't say.

- Yeah.

I would've went pro,

but one night I pulled my groin muscle.

- That must have been awful.

- Yeah. Somewhat exciting.

You know, Mrs. Mullen,

when I see these trophies

it reminds me how wonderful it is

to have a winning team.

- What? You gonna coach what?

- Take it easy, will you?

What the hell do you know

about soccer?

Nothing, it just happened.

I was kissing the boss' ass,

his wife came in,

I started kissing her ass.

The next thing you know, they made me

coach of the soccer team.

- Well, did you get the promotion?

- I'll get the promotion.

All we have to do

is bring home a championship team!

"We?" What you talking about "we?"

I told the Mullens

you'll be my assistant coach.

That's great.

Goodbye, job. Hello, welfare.

What could be so hard?

They were champs last year,

champs the year before. I can't miss.

It's a piece of cake!

Well, I'll tell you one thing,

you look like a coach.

- You know anything else about soccer?

- Not much.

All I know is, I got a lot of balls.

Well, I got a book on soccer.

It says in here, there are 11 positions.

You got to be careful

when you read a book about positions.

I read a book once,

100 Ways to Make Love.

I ended up in traction. It was a misprint.

Now, I've seen the Ladybugs' trophies,

and I know what the Ladybugs can do.

And I'm not so foolish as to come here

and burden you with new techniques.

I say, leave success alone, right, Julie?

That's right, Coach Chester.

Julie, look at the way you're eating.

I thought you were getting in shape.

What happened

to the weightlifting class?

I'm doing good. I mean, this is heavy.

Now, before we start our practice,

I want to get to know you.

When I point to you,

I want you to stand up, state your name,

and tell me how many goals

you scored last year.

All right, we'll start with... you.

My name is Sally Anne Welfelt,

and I'm 12 years old, going on 13.

My hobbies are ice-skating

and going shopping.

- My favorite book is A Wrinkle in Time.

- All right. Okay, Sally Anne.

Turn-ons:
Good-Iooking guys, music,

good-Iooking guys, pizza,

good-Iooking guys, staying up late,

- and good-Iooking guys.

- Okay, okay, okay.

Tell me, how many goals

did you score last year?

Goals? None.

- None?

- This is my first year.

This is her first year.

Let's hear it for Welfelt.

Give her

a big Ladybug reception, all right?

Thank you, thank you so much.

Okay, who's next? All right, you.

Carmelita Chu. I collect butterflies.

Okay, how many goals?

I don't know what you're talking about.

I never played.

- You know nothing about soccer?

- All I know is you can't use your hands.

Okay, it's Chu's first year.

Yeah, hold it, hold it, all right?

We'll make believe we heard it for Chu.

Okay, what's your name?

The questions get harder

if you go along, you know.

Do you want my first name

or my last name?

Whatever you can remember, kid.

Penny...

Pester.

We'll come back to you later.

Let me ask you this.

Which of you were on last year's team?

One? Only one?

Nancy Larimer. Last remaining player

from the Ladybug dynasty.

And you, Coach Chester,

are just in time,

for what they call in the pros

a rebuilding year.

A rebuilding year. Thanks a lot.

I'm off to a great stop.

Hi. I'm sorry I'm late.

Tardiness is something

I will not tolerate.

- What's your name?

- Kimberly, Kimberly Mullen.

Well, let me tell you this,

Kimberly Mullen...

Kimberly Mullen?

Is your father David Mullen?

Yes, he is. Look, I'm sorry I'm late.

I just...

Don't be sorry.

The traffic out there is ridiculous.

I'm glad you showed up at all,

for crying out...

You're a lovely little girl.

Come on over here with me, will you?

Kids, move it, move it, kids.

Beat it, will you? Come on here.

Right over here, honey.

Sit down there, will you?

There you go. Oh, I'm sorry,

I should have had

a bigger handkerchief, you know?

Now he's kissing the daughter's ass.

For the land of the free

And the home

Of the brave

The song is over.

Hello, soccer fans.

This is the day

we've all been waiting for,

the start of the

Rocky Mountain Soccer League,

junior girls division.

Starting off the season today are

the Tornadoes versus the Ladybugs.

The game's going to be

getting underway in just a second.

We're all looking forward

for a fun day of soccer.

Look at them.

What a day this is going to be.

I feel like I'm walking up a gangplank

and there's no ship.

Well, you better do something.

Here comes the shark

wearing designer clothes and a Rolex.

Chester, my wife and I are so relieved

to have a coach of your ability.

A man in charge,

a man who really knows his soccer.

Win the game,

win the game, win the game.

Get the book,

get the book, get the book.

"Hello, and welcome

to the wonderful world

"of coaching youth soccer.

"Have you already discovered

"that you know less about the sport

than the players on your team?"

I wish.

"For a young soccer player,

the simple act of kicking the soccer ball

"can bring one

the greatest sense of pride.

"If kicking is the most important thing

in soccer,

"ball control

is the second most important thing."

Son of a b*tch!

She'll get a lot of mileage

out of that one.

"Number two,

move into the path of the ball.

"Number three,

treat the ball as if it were a fragile egg.

"Relax and withdraw

when you make contact."

I tell you, that Welfelt has power.

You know, with the right training,

she could be the best player we have.

The best player we have?

What about Larimer, there,

the little black girl?

She's the best player we have.

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