Laurence Anyways

Need a hand?

You look lost with that old dinosaur.

You were forty minutes late!

What's one more?

Where was I?

What are you looking for, Laurence Alia?

I'm looking for a person...

who understands my language

and speaks it.

A person who,

without being a pariah,

will question not only the rights

and the value of the marginalised,

but also those of the people

who claim to be normal.

F*** me!

Who are these proles?

Shall we add them now

to the list of things

that minimize our pleasure?

Laurence?

What are you wearing tonight?

Nothing.

What will you say

at the Michel Berthiaume Award ceremony?

Something minimalist, like...

Literature!

Torrent of beauty!

Cascade of sperm!

Glistening stream!

Infinitesimal dust!

So... What is your full name?

Laurence Emmanuel James Alia.

- Age ?

- Thirty-seven.

Should I call your publisher?

I have a meeting in two hours and--

Forty-five!

Gender?

What's next?

'Blood type' and 'Favourite colour'?

Ten years ago,

these would have made puke.

Proust describes too much.

Three hundred pages to tell us

that Tutur fucks Tatave...

is too much.

In fact,...

were it not for his talent,...

L.-F. Cline would not have been spared.

Collaborating authors

did not come off unscathed

after World War II.

Writers like Bernard Grasset

or Jacques Chardonne

were tried by the Writers' Council

and suspended for cooperating

with the occupying forces.

Whereas others,

like Cline,

opted for the fresh air of Denmark,

just to kick back in kinder climes.

Today, his talent...

has precedence over his true self.

Such is life.

Can one's writings, therefore,

be great enough

to exempt one from

the rejection and ostracism

that affect people who are different?

One who, in another time-space,

could be you or me?

That's the topic of your next essay.

Laurence!

Hi, everyone!

Congratulations!

A friend of mine

won the Berthiaume Prize!

Years ago. My father...

used to hang out with Berthiaume

before his arrest in '71.

Then we lost touch.

Anyway, congratulations!

You amaze me!

Well done!

That newspaper likes me

and spilled some ink.

It's a small award.

False modesty!

Small award, big winner!

Have a drink on us when you get it.

In vino veritas!

Back to 'Pink'.

Liking pink...

and baby blue...

Write!

Indicates...

a latent...

Write it down!

'Latent'...

Childhood...

... trauma!

Authors' Note:

'Parents...

who paint their kids' rooms in pastels

go on the list of things

that subtly minimize our pleasure!'

Time for 'Yellow', sir?

Yellow? Massive ego.

F***! I swear, Laurence, I swear to you!

I was thinking 'big ego'.

And potentially problematic!

Now, a yellow car...

That's a f***ing statement!

Get out of my lane!

Brown...

the anti-sexual colour.

You just hate my brown Bermudas.

Absolutely not!

I love 'em!

By charter, our lists must be impartial!

I hate brown? I'm wearing brown socks!

Red.

The colour of rage!

And blood!

And seduction!

And passion!

Bugsy Brown!

Red!

Gimme some red!

I'm starving!

Dark chocolate?!

What have I done to deserve this?

I f***ed up, I was high,

I took the wrong bar.

My bad!

Dark chocolate minimizes our pleasure,

as you well know!

A mere sign of man's

self-destructive nature.

It can't happen again!

That's on the list of things

that cannot happen again!

Let's tear up the dance floor!

Berthiaume winners don't dance!

Back off!

I love it, I want it by the bed!

One month later

Please stop scrapbooking.

It's f***ing torture,

no one wants that.

For your 35th birthday.

To you, to me, to us.

To our past, to our present...

F***ing lame. On purpose?

Absolutely.

Surprise!

Who's surprised now?

You're drenched.

Thanks, Andre.

Who's the Marxist? Laurence's father?

No, way too young.

He's my former Marketing teacher.

We were supposed to meet for coffee,

but I got a commercial.

Laurence knows him, so it's cool.

Who's the purple gaylord?

Liberace's interior decorator?

Lafortune. He's Laurence's supervisor.

And the beehive lady's Francine.

A shrink and a teacher.

Is this a f***ing seminar?

Only PhD's can get some black forest?

It's not a black forest.

It's a spice cake.

Cardamom and fresh dates.

Will it blow me and

make me a cappuccino?

Fred, more canaps.

I'm bringing the cake.

Then hurry, the guests are starving.

Lafortune's at the Song of Roland

and the Saracen army.

A fierce intellectual!

I bought Laurence a book.

Couldn't find the Bouvier

or Basquiat ones,

but I got a collector's edition

of Mauriac's oeuvre.

And I added a Finance 101 brochure,

Business Break.

- I hope you kept the bill.

- The bill? Why the bill?

Couldn't you just stick to my list?

Basquiat is a mess.

Mauriac is a must.

That acclaimed pious fag

no one reads 'cause...

he's dull?

Oh you, you...

You just shut up. You don't exist!

You don't exist, dear.

Laurence?

You do like Mauriac, don't you?

There was a time in my life,

I threw all my watches away.

I didn't want to watch time go by,

hour after hour.

That explains a lot.

Can you move on--

You became a compulsive

latecomer in the '90s.

Then you became...

what you are today.

But...

in the chapter called...

Head Above Water,...

your character...

you...

How could I put it?

It all happens so suddenly.

What's real, here?

And what's fiction?

As a child,

I spent a lot of time

at my uncle's house.

With my cousins.

They had a swimming pool...

and we'd play Hold

your breath under water.

Bottom line was:
In order to win,

you simply had to stay under

the longest. Easy enough.

They all gave up.

But I...

kept going.

Not knowing how long I 'd last.

Then...

I 'd surface

just before my lungs exploded.

Death was a breath away.

That's it.

Cooking isn't as easy as pie.

But with Sugar May,

making a good dessert is...

a piece of cake!

Cut!

Was that natural enough?

- Was I natural?

- You were fine.

Ladies and gents, it's a wrap!

Gimme that blindfold!

Stop! Wait!

F***ing sailor's knot!

What's Montreal doing here?

Montreal from the Belvedere!

And for your birthday,

we'll add a centrepiece

to our now famous list of things

that minimize our pleasure:

People who find this spot romantic,...

when 45 planes may come...

crashing down on Parc-Ex!

Really!

It's Christmas! Yay!

What time's our reservation?

What's this?

F*** the restaurant!

I dressed up! We're not going?

I'll make up for your party screw-up.

My Passport...

Is this a new thing among

red-headed bipolars--

It's a new thing among those who,

since you have the next two days off

and I'm off until Monday,

have planned a trip to...

New York City!

Babe, we're going to New York!

So no restaurant? We just--

Forget the f***ing restaurant!

It's history! Moving on!

Jeez! You're drunk as a lord!

I'm what?

Drunk as a lord?

Thanks for the gem, grandma!

Live and learn!

Sorry, babe, sorry!

Can't stop talking. Yak yak yak.

One of our grips was about

to flush whatever coke he had.

I said:
'B*tch, bring it over!'

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