Leap of Faith Page #5

Watch.

My dad used to lift weights.

He was state champion.

- Great, comrade. You gonna compete?

- Yeah, all events done sitting down!

It's something I gotta do.

You have anything like that?

Something I gotta do?

No, I stick with what I wanna do.

It's a tough policy, but it works for me.

Do you always jog in a cowboy hat?

I used to jog in my boots.

What did the doctors tell you?

Doctors have nothing to do with my leg.

I'll walk if it's God's will.

Listen, God doesn't have

a trucker's licence.

You think you were chosen to suffer?

If you've done everything you can,

doctors, therapy, that's great.

But if you haven't, get off your ass,

'cause God won't do it for you.

Look, kid,

everybody's a loser one of these days.

The trick is not acting like a loser.

I believe things happen for a reason.

Fine. You wanna believe that?

That's great.

I'm gonna run.

Hi. Sorry I'm late.

I'm worried about that two-man code.

Maybe. But that's not why you're late.

These are for me?

Can I read it?

Gidget goes dustbowl.

Fine, have your little secret.

Will said he's got a surprise for you.

Something about

giving you enough rope.

Tell him to go kick some sh*t!

There's not enough rope in Kansas

to hang me.

Besides, wait till you see the pitch.

Got a little surprise

myself.

Jesus is on the mainline

Tell him what you want

- Lord Jesus

- Tell him what you want

You gotta call him up

And tell him what you want

Call him up, call him up...

You tell him!

Am I in white boy heaven

or what? Yes!

That was beautiful, children.

Children? Hm!

I want to tell you about myself.

You look at me and you see a man

who seems a lot like you.

But all my life I've been different.

At first, it was a curse,

but soon I discovered

the blessing of my birth.

Now, what was it, you ask,

made me different?

In an isolated cabin

in the Appalachian mountains,

Jonas Nightengale was born

with a caul about his face.

He told me his father invented Teflon.

Some say the caul's an old wives' tale,

but I've seen some

smart old wives in my day!

They say a baby born with a caul

is given the second sight.

The sight inside a man's soul.

Hallelujah!

Sister Jane will pass among you...

...and I want you

to ask her your questions.

I'm going to reach deep inside

to find an answer

placed there by God.

- What can Jonas do for you tonight?

- How much longer do I have?

Brother Nightengale,

can you tell me the answer

to our brother's question?

I'm hearing the voice of angels.

- He's worried how long he has to go.

- Praise be!

Whether you've ten years or ten minutes,

what matters is that you really live!

So when God's chariot arrives,

you're ready to step on board!

- Yes, sir!

- I've been widowed about a year.

When they repossessed the farm,

my husband killed himself in the barn.

Has the Lord forgiven him

and welcomed him to heaven?

Our sister would sincerely

like to know about a loved one.

I'll give you your answer, sister.

He rests with the angels.

He says God has forgiven him.

He asks you to do the same.

When's it gonna rain?

This man's question is really important.

Oh, boy.

You want to know what every man

and woman in this tent wants to know.

- You want to know when's it gonna rain!

- Yes! Yes!

Let me ask you this question:

What is rain anyway?

Is it the sweet nectar your crops crave?

Is it tears of joy?

Or is it the rain that falls on every life?

The dressing down from your boss?

The bank pounding on the door?

When you say to me,

"Jonas, when's it gonna rain?"

All I can say is...

"When's it gonna stop?"

In the Book of Osalms,

Chapter 27 reads as thus:

"The Lord is my light and my salvation:

Of whom shall I fear?"

The Lord is my light and my salvation

The Lord is the strength!

The Lord is my strength!

The Lord is your strength!

The Lord is the strength of my life!

Strength of my life

Of whom shall I be...

Afraid...

I feel a healing coming on.

- How many love Jesus?

- Yeah!

Are you ready for a miracle?

There it is, the word of God!

Yakety-yak, God's talking back!

- Hey, brother!

- Amen!

Whoa, people!

Oh! Hallelujah, sister!

Praise Jesus!

You're a slave in the spirit!

Receive the holy anointing of Jesus!

Let Jesus fix it!

- Somebody run!

- Me?

You, feel the power of the Lord!

Celebrate the Lord!

Celebrate the Lord!

Hallelujah! Hallelujah!

Praise Jesus! Praise Jesus!

You're not gonna need this any longer.

I cast out your chains!

The sign of the cross! Look!

He's in the room! He's alive!

He's in me, he's in you!

I see him in your eyes!

I feel him beating in your hearts!

Reach up and touch Jesus!

Nice to see you again, sister.

Praise Jesus, praise his name!

Praise the Lord!

Receive his holy name!

Say "Hallelujah!"

I've never seen a room so full of God!

Say, "Thank you, Jesus!"

- Somebody say "Amen."

- Amen!

Hey!

Hey!

Wait a minute, Reverend.

I want to testify.

I said I want to testify.

So speak up, Sheriff.

Before you leave your

hard-earned money in those buckets,

I want you to know where it's going.

Alias Jonas Nightengale,

born Jack Newton,

does not come from the Appalachians.

He was born in the Bronx.

The closest he came to a church

was the Mary and Joseph Orphanage,

where he lived from five to fifteen.

Then he ran away to begin a life

of crime, including convictions for...

...shoplifting,

possession of marijuana

and grand theft auto,

all before the age of 18.

He was arrested for selling fraudulent

art works and passing bad cheques.

If you feel you've had a good night's

entertainment, then go ahead,

tip the dancing bear.

But, if you think this money's

going to a man of God,

you'd better think again.

I believe in Jonas.

He's a fake!

There ain't no way he's a man of God!

Brother Will!

Everything you've said is true.

Absolutely true.

Yes, I was born to lowly circumstances.

Yes, I ran with a bad crowd that

taught me to smoke weed and steal.

I hung out in bars.

And I hot-wired cars.

I grew up mistreated,

so I lied and I cheated.

I learned hard crime

and I served hard time.

I have walked that crooked road

and I have danced with Satan.

I've been down in the gutter

and looked up into the face of God.

- Praise the Lord!

- Amen!

I say to you,

if you wanna give up the bottle,

who you gonna talk to?

- Someone who's never touched a drop?

- No!

If you wanna give up womanising,

who you gonna talk to?

- Some pale-skinned virgin priest?

- No!

If you wanna give up sin -

and I believe everyone here tonight

wants to give up sin -

who can lead you?

You need a real sinner, people.

A sinner of such monumental

proportions that all your sins

couldn't possibly equal

the sins of this King of Sin!

Because you know,

if he can walk that righteous path,

if he can go from grift to grace,

from sin to sanctity,

from lowliness to holiness,

that you, with all your everyday sins,

can rise up like an angel

and ride that golden elevator

to God's own penthouse in the sky.

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