Leave It to Beaver

Hello,Beaver!

Hi, Wally!

Mommy, there's Bert,

the pie man!

- Morning, Bert!

- Hello, Mrs. Brown!

Great day, isn't it?

Yep!

- Have a good day, dear.

- You too, honey.

[ Electricity Crackles ]

- [ Barking ]

- Oh!

I'll get you for this,

Beaver Cleaver!

[ Gasping ]

Oh!

[ Cat Screeches ]

[ Whistling ]

[ Whistling ]

- Morning, Bert!

- Morning, Bert!

Morning, boys!

Great day, isn't it?

[ Groaning ]

[ Grunts ]

Sorry, mister.

That was the first one I missed all day.

Huh!

Hey, Wally, stop, stop!

Please!

There it is. That's the most

beautiful thing I ever seen.

Well, golly, gee! It's Wally

and the Beaver at the bike shop.

What do you want,

Eddie Haskell?

The usual. See how fast

I can make ya cry.

Hey, knock it off, Eddie. Why you always

givin' Beaver the business?

Well, basically because...

it's so easy.

Wally, I want that bike more than

anything ever, even super powers.

Don't go cry to Wally. You want advice

on how to get a bike? Ask the master.

How will I know

when I see "the master?"

Because he's wearin'

what I'm wearin'.

Now, let's chat, squirt.

Have a seat in my office.

Now, you want a bike,

but you're a screw up.

- Eddie.

- Isn't this the same kid...

who lost his Nikes, broke his Walkman

and almost burned down the garage?

The garage wasn't

Beaver's fault.

You got a birthday comin' up.

As any normal kid knows,

the way to score a cool present

is to suck up to your parents.

- Suck up?

- It's so second nature to me,

I forget others find it hard.

Yes, suck up. Do something

that'll make your old man proud.

He's a frustrated jock. Why not do

something like... play football?

Football?

He'll get demolished.

As appealing as that may sound, Wallace,

it doesn't matter.

The minute you get that bike--

Wham! You quit the team.

But I don't do junk

like that, Eddie. You do.

You flatter me.

Do you want that bike or don't you?

[ Sighs ]

[ Laughing, Chattering ]

Hey, Dad! Dad!

- Oh.

- Beaver, wait!

- Aren't ya gonna say hi?

- Hi. When's Dad coming home?

He should be home

any minute.

Maybe I'll just wait

for him outside.

Beaver? Is there somethin'

I can help ya with?

Oh, no, Mom. I'm not supposed

to be sucking up to you.

[ Boy ]

Here you go.

- Dad! Dad! Dad!

- Hey, Beaver!

Here, Dad, let me help you

with your junk.

Did you do something wrong?

Gee, Dad, how come whenever I act nice,

people think I done something wrong?

Just conditioning, Beav.

Sure you don't want

a hand with those?

Oh, no, Dad.

I want your hands free...

to sign my permission slip

so I can play...

for the Mayfield Mighty Mites.

[ Clears Throat ]

You wanna play... football.

- [ Whistle Blows ]

- Yeah!

Go, Beaver!

Pick it up!

[ Grunts ]

Go! Go! Go!

- Yeah!

- [ Whistle Blows ]

[ Mom ]

Beaver? Play football?

You didn't tell him

he could, did you, Ward?

Of course not. I told him

I had to check with you first.

Oh! And make me

the bad guy.

Do you want a repeat

of T-ball season?

Have you forgotten

about the Beaver--

- Who's winning now, Wally?

- I don't know, Beav.

They're talking about stuff in the past

that they're still ticked off about.

Tell me you're doing this because

it's in your son's best interest...

and not to fulfill some lingering

adolescent fantasy of yours.

What? Dear, when I was playing sandlot,

it really changed my life.

I know what you're thinking, but

Beaver's not too small to play football.

Hut! Hut! Hut!

- Hut! Hut! Hut!

- Mayfield!

- Beav, other way! Other way!

- Mayfield!

- One, two, three, four!

- Your mommies, your daddies...

think this isn't

about winning or losing!

One, two, three, six!

One two, three, seven!

One, two, three, eight!

One, two, three, nine!

[ Coach ] They think it's about building

character, don't they, Cleaver?

We're gonna go over

to this play here.

We're gonna have this guard pull out

here. This guy pulls out here.

The quarterback drops back.

We have an option.

He goes deep,

and we go to him.

[ Coach's Voice ] Looks the same--

Different look--

- This play is different.

- See?

- It's all relative.

- [ Coach Continues, indistinct ]

- Hmm? You understand?

- The quarterback sneaks back.

We are here to do two things

and two things only.

That is to win

and to win big!

- [ Together ] Yeah!

- Yeah!

Break!

- Break!

- Come on, Beaver! Go get 'em!

Down! Set!

- You're lunch meat!

- [ Growls ] You're mine!

Go!

- [ Grunting ]

- Put it up, Cleaver!

- [ Coach ] Put it up!

- [ Screaming ]

There's gotta be

an easier way to get a bike.

Yeah, well, what'd

you expect, Beav?

There is a reason football

players wear more equipment

than guys who train attack dogs.

Bedtime, boys.

Beaver, decided where you're gonna put

that Heisman trophy?

You mean I don't have to wait till

the end of the season to get a trophy?

He's just jokin' on ya, Beav. You don't

get the Heisman trophy till college.

Well, after watching you today,

I wouldn't rule it out.

You took some licks,

but you didn't quit.

Your mom and I just want you

to know how proud we are of ya.

I wanted to let you know I've decided

to become a doctor when I grow up.

Oh, boy, wait'll

I tell your mom. Ha!

I always said football

is a real confidence builder.

Back when I was playing sandlot

I found that I learned the great many--

Yeah, well,

you've heard this before.

Where did we leave off?

Here we are.

"Now, Dottie the Dinosaur

had never seen a human being before.

"Such a tiny creature who only walks

on two legs and eats berries.

'Couldn't be much

of a hunter,' said Dottie."

Dad! If a guy's old enough

to play football,

then don't you think maybe he's too old

to have his dad read to him?

Well, maybe you have

a point there, Beav.

You read it yourself,

but don't stay up too late.

- Thanks, Dad.

- [ Chuckles ] Well, good night, Beav.

Uh, Dad, if a guy's

too old to be read to,

then he's probably too old

to get kissed good night to.

Good night, Dad.

Good night.

- I think he took that pretty well.

- Yeah.

But I was worried,

'cause for a minute he had...

that same blubbery look

he had at the end of The Lion King.

[ Dog Barking

In The Distance ]

[ Mom ] Okay, everybody, gather around.

It's time for cake.

- Come on!

- Let's go, boys!

- Is everybody ready?

- I'm low on batteries.

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

You smell like a wino

Happy birthday to you

- Make a wish, Beaver.

- Big wish, Beav.

Make a wish.

- [ Cheering ]

- Way to go, Beav!

[ Murmuring ]

[ Eddie ] Hey, Lumpy, quit stuffin'

your face and pay attention.

I've put together a little photographic

compilation of my future soul mate.

And here's Karen

takin' her dog for a walk.

And here she is

at the store with her mom.

Oh! That's my

favorite outfit of hers.

Eddie, you might want to

back off a little bit, huh?

What are ya talkin' about?

I'm doin' great.

A week ago we were total strangers.

Last night... I was in her bedroom.

Yeah, you were in her bedroom,

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