Legend Page #13

A soft cocoom of faerie LIGHT engulfs Luna. She metamorphoses within

it, emerging as Princess Lili.

LUNA/LILI:
....even you heart's desire.

Luna/Lili embraces Jack. It is sweet and tempting.

JACK(resisting):
No.... this isn't real....

Screwball and Blunder giggle and snigger.

LUNA/LILI:
Oh, but it is.... I'm warm and alive

and happy to be in your arms.

Jack is nearly enchanted, but after a delicious moment, he pushes

away.

JACK:
I can't do it....! This is faerie glamour!

A brilliant aura of faerie LIGHT envelops Luna/Lili and she

TRANSFORMS into her true winged-form

.

LUNA(bitterly):
You....! You....mortal! I

could vex you! Dance you life away!

JACK:
Threats can't make you love you.

Human hearts don't work that way.

LUNA:
What care I for human heart?

Soft and spiritless as porridge!

A faerie's heart beats fierce and free.

There is a furious pytotechnic whirlwind and, in an instant, Luna

returns to a tiny dot of LIGHT.

JACK:
Luna....?

Without an answer, Luna flies out between the iron bars.

JACK(cont) (to the faeries): I.... didn't mean

to hurt her.

GUMP(scornful):
Your fine senseibilities

have left us here to rot.

The SOUND of heavy footsteps approaches, accompanied by rough,

tuneless SINGING.

COOK(os):
....this li'l piggie went to market....

anudder li'l pigge got eat.... pig-meat

pie, l'l piggie die....

BLUNDER:
Oh, no! He's coming...!

Hide! Hide! Hide!

Blunder conceals himself under a pile of straw. A deformed shadow is

cast across the cage.

SCREWBALL:
Blunder's got the right idea!

Screwball hides in the straw. Jack and the other immediately do the

same.

A fiendish demon COOK opens the cage door. He is ten feet tall and

unspeakably ugly. He peers blindly inside, sniffing the air with his

hideous nose.

COOK:
....pig-pig-pig...

.

The Cook gropes inside the cage.

The Cook reaches deep into the straw pile in teh corner and grabs

Blunder.

BLUNDER:
Help....! Lemme go...?

Turn me loose, you tub o' guts!

The cook hauls Blunder out, kicking and screaming. He locks the cage

abd stumps away.

BLUNDER(cont):
I hope I give you heart-burn!

After a bit, the faeries and Jack peer up out of the straw.

SCREWBALL(woefully): Fricasseed faeries, the lot of us....

BROWN TON:
Lambs to the slaughter....

Jack draws his sword.

JACK:
Not without a fight!

Transformed back to full-size, Luna tip-toes into the alcove outside

the cage, her hands coyly behind her.

GUMP:
Luna....!

LUNA(maliciously): You look like mourners at your

own funeral.

GUMP(angry):
Come back to dance on

our graves!

LUNA:
I'd gladly frolic on Jack's....

She LAUGHS and holds up a large iron key.

LUNA(cont):
....but this cage shan't be

your tomb!

Luna tosses the key in to Gump. Instantly, she reduces to a tiny dot

of LIGHT and flies out of the alcove.

GUMP:
Well done!

Gump unlocks the barred door and they all clamber out. Screwball

steps on Brown Tom's head in his eagerness.

SCREWBALL:
Lemme outta this stink hole!

BROWN TOM:
Mind you bleeding foot!

GUMP:
Shhhh!

Jack is the last of all.

JACK:
Keep behind me in case

there's trouble.

Sword in hand, Jack ;eads the faeries out of the alcove into

the kitchen.

70 INTERIOR KITCHEN DAY

Huge ovens belch fire and smoke. The vast hearth blazes. Like the

lower reaches of Hell, the Dark Lord's kitchen is a place where all

hope is abandoned.

Jack and the faeries creep through the brimstone haze.

BROWN TOM:
Terrible sight for a sober

man to see....

JACK:
Quiet!

The demon Cooks blocks the way, chopping meat with a montrous

cleaver, A SECOND COOK, every bit as terrifying, SNORES by the

hearth. Trussed to a spit, Blunder hangs upside-down nearby.

Jack motions the faeries on. The blind Cook turns them, sniffing the

air.

COOK:
Whut be there?

Jack and the faeries duck behind a huge bellows.

SCREWBALL:
....Back in the frying pan!

Gump clamps his hand over Screwball's mouth.

Grasping his cleaver, the Cook advances towards them.

COOK(sniffing):
Be it live victuals?

From where he hangs, Blunder sees the faeries' plight.

BLUNDER(calling out): Hey....!

Lard belly!

The Cook turns, angered by this insult.

COOK:
Whut say, pip-squeak?

BLUNDER:
Two things down here look

just alike!

COOK:
Wuzzat?

BLUNDER:
Your face and my ass!

The Cook GROWLS with fury.

COOK:
Bash in you face! Den it no be

so pretty!

The Cook backhands poor Blunder, smacking him about like a punching

bag.

Jack and the faeries make a break for the exit.

Blunder manages to work one arm free from his bonds.

COOK(cont):
Whut you got to say now,

pork pie?

Blunder rears back and punches the Cook in the jaw. Stunned,

he topples over over backwards a great CRASH.

70A INTERIOR GREAT HALL DAY

The reverberations tremble through the immense underground castle.

Darkness listens by the fire.

DARKNESS:
Do you feel it, Father....?

A force....loose in my domain....

VOICE(out of fire): Guard well what is yours!

DARKNESS(roaring): BRING INNOCENCE TO ME!

71 INTERIOR KITCHEN CORRIDOR DAY

The faerie band gathers in the foul, dripping corridor. Irregular

torchlight casts a lurid glow across the broken stones.

BROWN TOM (gasping for breath):

.....saved....by a goblin.... Never

thought....I'd see....the day....

JACK:
Wish we could repay the favour!

SCREWBALL:
My brother can take of himself.

GUMP:
Screwball's right! It's more important

we find the unicorn.

JACK:
And Lili!

BROWN TOM:
Where do we start?

GUMP:
We must find the dungeons. Legend has

is they house such sirriw that death

is a gift....albeit one rarely granted.

Screwball sits down defiantly.

SCREWBALL:
Think I'll stay right here thank you

very much.

Gump grabs hold of Screwball's ear and hauls him back up.

GUMP:
Not so fast! You search with the

rest of us!

Screwball hugs Jack's leg.

SCREWBALL:
All right! I'm going with Jack!

GUMP:
No you won't. Be faster if we

split up.

Screwball looks both ways, deciding which seems safest.

SCREWBALL:
Fine! I'm going this way!

BROWN TOM:
I'm going that way!

They both turn and collide, falling flat on their rumps.

JACK:
Wait....! Better to search in

teams, Gump and me together. Brown

TOm, you and Screwball look in the

other direction.

Gump hauls out his ornate timepeice.

GUMP:
Right! Let's synchronise! We meet

back here in twice five hundred

beats of a bluebird's heart.

Brown Tom takes a similar timepeice from under his tunic and studies

its intricate interior.

BROWN TOM:
Best to allow another couple dozen

butterfly breaths in case we get

thirs....er, get lost....

GUMP:
No grog shops down here, Brown Tom.

JACK:
Let's hurry!

Jack and Gump run off along the corridor, followed by Luna's glowing

LIGHT. Screwball watches without moving.

SCREWBALL:
Know what I want to know?

BROWN TOM:
What?

SCREWBALL:
Why me?

Brown Tom gives Screwball a swift kick in his rear.

BROWN TOM:
Why not?

The two little elves scamaper off together.

SCREWBALL:
I hate it....I hate it....

I hate it....

72 INTERIOR DUNGEON DAY

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