Leprechaun 2

Morty:

Nothing tastes as good as a free pizza. Now if I could only figure out how to get free beer.

Cody:

You can't drive the tour.

Morty:

Why not?

Cody:

Because you're plastered!

Morty:

What difference does that make? Now, never forget rule number one.

Cody:

I know, never turn down a paying customer.

Morty:

I may be a little loose, but I am not so far gone that I would turn away a packed hearse.

Morty:

Of course, there's always rule number two.

Cody:

Which is?

Morty:

Never kill a paying customer.

Cody:

You should've been an actor.

Morty:

There's no money in it.

Leprechaun:

The only whiskey is Irish whiskey!

Leprechaun:

Scream as you may! Scream as you might! If you try to escape, you'll be dead on this night.

Morty:

I should've returned that book to the library five years ago! I don't know what you saw, but leprechauns don't exist!

Leprechaun:

What's that ya say? Leprechauns don't exist?

Cody:

Everything is a scam to you, isn't it?

Morty:

Damn right.

Morty:

They found this dead kid at Bridgette's, she's missing, everybody says you did it.

Cody:

Me? That's crazy!

Morty:

That's what I told the cops, now what the hell happened?

Cody:

A leprechaun did it.

Morty:

Maybe I should call the cops.

Morty:

I probably should've kept you away from all this supernatural stuff.

Cody:

He dropped a rack of pots on my head.

Morty:

Oh, well now I'm convinced.

Leprechaun:

Now you've done it, you've welched on a Leprechaun!

Leprechaun:

She sneezes once, she sneezes twice, she'll be me bride when she sneezes thrice.

Leprechaun:

A leprechaun's home has many surprises.

Leprechaun:

So it's me gold you be wanting?

Leprechaun:

Now there's an idea!

Cody:

Oh by the way, that was the final resting place of Bela Lugosi.

Tourist:

Then who the hell was that?

Cody:

Um, his stepdaughter Stella Lugosi.

Leprechaun:

Kiss me, I'm Irish!

The Leprechaun:

Was it as good for you as it was for me?

Cody:

Sure, walk away! I understand. If hearing the actual sound of Jayne Mansfield's head being severed from her body is too intense for you, well then, you know, more power to ya.

The Leprechaun:

What do you think of your bridal chamber?

Bridget:

It... it's awful!

The Leprechaun:

I know it lacks a woman's touch, but you'll change that.

The Leprechaun:

I'm going to have to make a few alterations, but afterward you should be able to bear a full litter.

Morty:

Didn't anybody ever tell you not to drink and levitate?

Bridget:

How did you know it wasn't me you gave the coin to before?

Cody:

He kisses differently than you.

Leprechaun:

You may think this line is getting old, but believe me son, I want me gold!

Leprechaun:

A curse be placed upon your seed, William O'Day. You may have saved your daughter, but on me next thousandth birthday, I'll stalk your fairest offspring and claim her as me bride! Ha ha ha ha ha! Happy St. Patrick's Day.

Leprechaun:

It's the seventeenth of March. The feast of St. Patrick.

Leprechaun:

'Tis a special birthday for a leprechaun. I'm one thousand years old. Tonight, I can claim me bride.

Leprechaun:

A thousand years ago, a man stopped me from taking me bride! I'll not let it happen again!

Leprechaun:

We'll have to make some changes to your face as well. 'Tis a fair face, but the wee ones won't suckle if you don't look like them. They can be very demanding at times. Many changes. Many changes.

Morty:

Okay so you found a gold coin and it looks like the one in this book. It's probably worth some cash. But this leprechaun stuff...

Cody:

Listen, it says "Leprechauns are devious creatures. They live for trickery, even get pleasure out of it".

Morty:

Cody, if you were taking some dope you would tell me, right?

Leprechaun:

Do you wish me out of the safe?

Morty:

Yes, goddammit! I wish you out of the safe! Where the hell are you?

Leprechaun:

You'll have to open the door. It's wrought iron. Remember? Didn't you read the book?

Leprechaun:

Cry as you may, cry as you might; its going to be one hell of a wedding night.

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