Let There Be Light Page #2

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No.

What do you mean by that?

I meant that I hoped

that just...

you know, I was so disgusted and

tired of everything,

I just didn't feel like living.

And then I changed my mind, and

I'd think back to my folks,

and it would be a double blow if

something happened to me.

And I'd be standing guard,

sitting a machine gun nest,

watching.

And then I'd hear a little

noise, and I'd let go, shoot.

Wasn't nothing, probably.

It was an animal or something.

Any noise made you upset,

and you'd just shoot.

At that time, yes.

Do you feel worried about

anything now?

I don't know.

Are you mixed up?

Kind of.

What's that pin on your

shirt there?

My heart.

Why do you cover those up?

Aren't you proud of them?

Yes, sir.

You got a Purple Heart and

campaign ribbons.

Yes, sir.

Well, why are you covering

them up?

I mean, there must be some

reason for you doing that.

Well, what happened over there?

We got in a scrape,

and...

I was in the house there, just

got off of guard duty.

And it was Friday the 13th, and

I'm sweating it out all day.

Patrol came up from town,

patrol,

and they shot a panzerfux though

the wall.

Well...

And what?

I was laying on the

couch,

and right before it happened I

felt a little jittery,

so I lay down on the floor.

When I got up again, the couch

was all torn.

In other words, you were

almost killed.

Is that it?

Right.

It must have gone right over my

head.

Do you feel conscious...

that is, are you aware of the

fact

that you are not the same boy

that you were

when you went over?

Do you feel changed?

Yes, sir.

In what way?

I'm more jumpy.

How about with people?

I used to...

I used to always like

to have fun.

I used to always be going

places.

I don't like to do nothing no

more.

How long were you overseas?

Were you in any combat at all?

Just the second month, sir.

I tried every way to

keep my mind occupied--

reading, going to the gymnasium,

getting...

going out with the fellows and

trying to become an extrovert,

trying to get out of myself.

But it seemed to Me that I got

worse and worse.

And after a while I developed...

after the fear of insanity,

I started developing fears,

different sorts.

Did you ever have similar

pains before you got...

Never in my life.

Have you ever been nervous

before in your life?

No, sir.

Never. I was a solid man.

Do some noises bother you

particularly?

I just

shake a little, but not bad.

Well, I guess I just

got tired of living.

You know, put it that way.

I have trouble

sleeping, yes.

Dreaming of combat, you know?

I just took off,

because I see

too many of my buddies gone, and

I figured the next one was me.

A man can just stand so much up

there, see?

Admission note.

Poole, P-O-O-L-E comma Walter L,

T5.

Transfer diagnosis.

Anxiety reaction, severe.

Active symptoms in remission.

On this, their first

night back in the States,

each man who is able may make a

long distance call without cost.

After months and years of

silence,

familiar voices are heard once

again.

Then each man makes for himself

a small home

which will be his for the eight

or ten weeks to come.

Now in the darkness of the ward

emerge the shapes born of

darkness,

the terror of things half

remembered.

Dreams of battle,

the torment of uncertainty and

fear and loneliness.

The day begins with an early

morning ward inspection.

The medical officer in charge

checks the condition of every

man.

Modern psychiatry makes no sharp

division

between the mind and the body.

Physical ills often have psychic

causes,

just as emotional ills may have

a physical basis.

Possibilities of organic

disturbance in the brain

are investigated by means of the

electroencephalograph.

The Rorschach Test.

The things that the patient's

imagination sees in these cards

gives significant clues to his

personality makeup.

This looks sort of like

a drawing of two women

standing on a rock and waving

their hands.

This man suffering

from a conversion hysteria

requires immediate treatment.

Organically sound, his paralysis

is as real

as if were caused by a spinal

lesion.

But it is purely psychological.

Well, just sit up top the

middle of the bed there.

I feel pretty good,

though.

That's fine.

Now sit yourself over there.

Well, now, can you move over

just a little

so I can talk to you?

Yes, sir.

Now, what is the trouble?

You seem to be upset.

Just nervous.

Nervous?

Yes.

It makes me flinch like that.

I see.

How long has that been going on?

Since Friday.

Friday.

Friday night.

Come on suddenly or

gradually?

Suddenly, sir.

How?

Well, it started in the

afternoon with crying spells.

And felt something

funny in my shoulders here.

Back bothered me.

Just started crying, lost

control of my legs and my arms.

Was there any reason for

crying spells?

I don't know, sir.

Anything happen at home to

bother you?

Well, my mother's been

ill.

She has been ill?

That worry you a lot?

Quite a bit.

Well, now, has this got

anything to do

with your mother's illness?

Any reason why you should have

that kind of reaction?

No, sir, not that I

know of.

Unless my mother's illness might

have brought this on.

I try to hold in, but it hurts.

I see.

You've just been holding these

things in.

That's right, sir.

No way you can control this

at all?

No, sir.

Well, now, we're going to

have to help you do that,

of course.

Let's take off this jacket here.

Just slip that off.

All right, now lie down on the

bed.

Shoes?

No, we're leaving the shoes

on so you can walk in them.

I think we're going to get you

walking.

Let's come over here.

That's the boy.

That's fine.

That's good.

Now you lie steady.

Lie steady, that's a boy.

This is all going to go away as

I give you this medicine.

No bother at all.

The method employed here

is effective in certain types of

acute cases.

An intravenous injection of

sodium amytal

induces a state similar to

hypnosis.

What a torpedo that is.

You mind if I look this way?

You look that way.

Nothing for you to watch here.

But you're going to talk to me

as we go along.

Yes, sir.

That's all.

Now, you're not going to feel

much of anything else.

You're going to feel a little

bit woozy.

The use of this drug

serves a twofold purpose.

Like hypnosis, it is a shortcut

to the unconscious mind.

As a surgeon probes for a

bullet,

the psychiatrist explores the

submerged regions of the mind,

attempting to locate and bring

to the surface

the emotional conflict which is

the cause

of the patient's distress.

The second purpose of this drug

is to remove through suggestion

those symptoms which impede the

patient's recovery.

Now tell me a little bit

about what you're thinking of.

The thoughts are coming to your

mind now.

Nothing in particular.

Well, now, let's go back.

Let's go back to Friday.

Friday?

Yeah, think about that.

Friday.

My mother argues with me.

Your mother argues with

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