Libeled Lady Page #3

Star, I saved you, all told...

some $300,000. What did I get?

$125 a week.

That's the proposition, drawn yesterday.

I've been expecting you for 24 hours.

$5,000 down and $45,000 more

when you... Why, you're crazy.

No other reporter gets

that much money. It's robbery.

All right. Forget it.

You read any good books lately?

- Now, be reasonable, Bill.

- Take it or leave it. Wait a minute.

On second thought,

I don't want the job at any price.

I got all the money I need right now.

Look here.

I just got this from my publisher...

offering to advance me

$5,000 for a second book.

- Let's just forget about this.

- Now, wait a minute.

You ought to be arrested for extortion.

You must have dropped this, sir.

- What is this?

- That is a letter.

I get it.

So your publisher is going to send you

a $5,000 advance?

$700 behind with the hotel, you mean.

- Not now, I'm not.

- I knew I was a sap to believe...

That's right, you were.

But you'll get your money's worth.

Now, here's the plan.

Allenburys are in London.

So I sail for England at once.

But they're coming back in 10 days.

That's why I'm sailing,

to come back with them.

Five days on a boat.

Anything can happen on a boat.

I meet the girl.

Perhaps she comes to my cabin...

- No. Not this girl.

- Only for a cocktail.

Perfectly innocent to her, me,

and everyone on the boat.

Except our private detective,

who radios my wife.

- You got a wife?

- No. This is a setup, not a confession.

But we hire some attractive girl

to marry me...

and when the time comes...

she stages a pretty little scene

over her erring husband...

and sues Connie for alienation of affection.

That's it, that's it.

The Star called Connie a

husband-stealer. She denies it.

We duplicate the situation.

This time, she does steal a husband.

This time, we're right.

Let her go to bat with a libel suit

and see what she collects.

But how about a girl to marry you?

Do you know anybody?

Now, that's tricky.

We've got to find someone we can trust.

I've got the girl, the very girl!

Hello.

What happened to you?

Do I want to get married?

What do you think?

I'll call the preacher right away.

The city hall?

Then I can't wear my wedding gown.

I won't ask any questions.

And don't keep me waiting.

Tiny? Tiny, come here.

I'm so happy. Today is my wedding day.

What, again, Miss Gladys?

You can't do this to me,

Warren Haggerty. Not to me!

Let me out of here.

For two years, you've had me

on a merry-go-round...

waiting for that gold ring,

but this is where I get off...

- and stay off!

- Be quiet.

I won't be quiet!

The things I've taken for that newspaper...

but this gets the blue ribbon,

trying to marry me off...

to that baboon!

Let's not deal in personality.

But, darling, it's only for a month,

maybe less.

Then six weeks in Reno.

And, Miss Benton, they've got

the loveliest place in Reno.

You'd love it.

You can play craps there every night.

That's right, that's right.

I'll come the moment you get divorced.

But I don't want a divorce.

I want to get married and stay married.

If you don't want to marry me, say so.

Of course I want to marry you,

but don't you understand, Gladys?

This comes first. It's our only chance.

I'll get fired.

There isn't a newspaper in the world...

that would hire me as an office boy.

Would they, Bill?

- Not if they know you like I do.

- What do you mean?

You remember poor Ed Glover?

You remember after he lost that libel suit?

They found his car gone over a cliff

and a revolver in his hand.

- Do you want me to kill myself?

- Did you change your insurance?

Would I ask you to do this thing for me...

if I didn't consider you

practically my wife?

Would you ask your wife

to hook up with that ape?

The ape objects.

Darling, you're not marrying him, really.

A wedding ceremony,

six hours in a hotel apartment...

during which time I'll never leave you,

and then he leaves for Europe.

- Don't talk to me. I'm leaving.

- Wait a minute. I'm leaving. The deal is off.

Here's your contract. $50,000.

- I wouldn't hook up with her for $1 million.

- Now, Bill, you know the spot I'm in.

That's your tough luck.

You'll have to get a new boy.

- You mean you're walking out on him?

- That's it, sister.

You know what the Star means to him...

you're a newspaperman. You know.

It'll ruin his life. It'll ruin his career.

A fine friend you are.

- If you put it that way.

- I'm putting it that way.

- Good. I'll get the guy.

- The things I do for that newspaper.

"And I pronounce you man and wife. "

Aren't you going to kiss the bride?

Yes! Sure.

May I?

Why not?

Everybody else seems to be doing it.

Aren't you going to kiss me?

Sure, sure.

An old friend of the family.

Yes.

Darling.

Very old friend.

I hope you'll be very happy...

and don't forget to invite me

to your silver anniversary.

It'll have to be within the next six weeks.

Goodbye, and good luck.

Goodbye. Good luck to you.

- Take his arm.

- I'm taking your arm.

Yes.

Send it up, and send a waiter, please.

Right away? Thanks.

That's the wire you sent me.

There will be a bellboy and a waiter

to witness the very tender scene...

when we learn that I'm called to Europe.

Now, remember, won't you?

You're all broken up.

He is torn from your arms,

the bridegroom of an hour.

- That's too long for me.

- To my little bride.

I hope you choke on it.

- Darling.

- Don't call me that.

You know what my name is.

- Of course, Mrs. William Chandler.

- I'd just as soon have a number.

- Come on, now. You mustn't fight.

- Why not? We're married.

You're supposed to be happily married.

You're supposed to be crazy, in love

with each other.

I must have been crazy to let you

marry me off to another guy.

But let me tell you this, Warren Haggerty.

From now on, you've got

to forget the paper and take me places.

I can't take you places,

you've got to stay in the apartment.

You can sew, sleep, and play the radio.

- Maybe you could learn to read.

- You're not going to take me out?

Honey, I can't take you out.

You can't be seen running around

with another man.

You're supposed to be married.

You've got to look married.

Maybe twins would help.

Now, remember, remember.

- Yes?

- Telegram for Mr. Chandler.

- Just wait. Clear the table, please.

- Yes, ma'am.

Bill, there's a telegram for you.

Thanks, sweetness.

Would you open it for me, honeykins?

Bill.

- What is it?

- Read it.

- What does it say?

- It's from the office.

"Imperative you sail Queen Anne

tonight for director's meeting in London.

"Reservations arranged.

Anderson will meet you. Bon voyage. "

You can't leave me.

Bill, you mustn't leave me!

Baby, this is terrible,

breaking into our honeymoon like this.

But what am I to do, honey? I'll have to go.

You can't.

It's only for a couple of weeks,

Mrs. Chandler.

But a couple of weeks

are a couple of weeks!

- I'll miss my little Billikins.

- And I'll miss my little fuzzy-face.

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