Life After Beth Page #4

- Looks cute. (GRUNTS)

Okay, Zach. Zach! You're acting manic.

It doesn't hurt. I'm fine.

Okay, no more.

- Honey, relax.

- You see, I told you shouldn't go,

and now look. Look what happens.

Honey, we'll just put

a little foundation on it.

Mom, it's just a sunburn.

It's not that big of a deal.

That's right.

Maybe you should put some aloe on it

or something and a Band-Aid.

Aloe? You think aloe's gonna do anything?

- No more outings.

- ZACH:
Whoa, whoa! Maury?

Don't you go over my head, Zach.

That's final!

Or we can use some of the aloe

from our front lawn.

Geenie, stop triangulating.

You know what? Maybe if we were just all

completely honest with one another...

Enough already. Will you stop?

No, you know what? Maury you are just

too jazzed to know what's what.

Okay, look, this is simple.

If we just tell her...

No. "Jazzed"? You want to know jazzed?

I'll tell you what, pal.

I know! I know! I know!

I have to study for my test. Jeez.

- Right. That's right, Beth.

- Yeah, that is a good idea.

You have to study for your test.

Yeah, I should probably go,

so she can study for her test.

Yeah, you better go.

'Cause Beth has to study for her test.

GEENIE:
Yeah. We'll get some studying...

(BETH MOANING)

Okay!

That's enough of that now, kids, come on.

It's not fun. It's weird.

End of kiss, guys. Okay.

Let's hit those books.

- I love you.

- I love you, too.

We have to be on the same team.

What? I was backing you up.

Beth, no, you already said goodbye.

What the f*** are you doing?

I want Beth to know.

- You're ruining everything.

- No, I'm not ruining anything.

- And now you're not welcome in my home.

- I love her!

- I want her to be happy.

- Go. Get off my property.

- Wait. Maury, come on. She said she's fine.

- Go! Go!

- No. No more. That's it.

- Maury?

Maury, just come back here.

- That's it.

- Maury?

(WHISPERING) Beth?

- Beth?

- BETH:
Zach?

- You scared me.

- I'm sorry.

But I have a surprise for you so...

Surprise?

Let's go. Are you ready?

Okay.

- Let me go tell Mom and Dad we're leaving.

- No, no, no, no, no.

Let's just go.

Just be careful, okay? Be careful.

- Oh!

- (THUD)

Beth?

I'm okay.

(SQUISHING)

Are you ready for your surprise?

What do you mean "surprise"?

- Where were you?

- I was just getting something.

Why?

Because I am going to give you

a concert.

- No, you're not. Really?

- Yeah!

Where's the band? Where's Dan and Roz?

Yeah, it's just me. I'm solo now.

That is so sweet.

I can't believe you're doing this for me.

(SINGING) I lost my heart

And I lost my way

You were cold, cold, cold

I was so full of pain

What's going on?

I wrote this for you.

This f***ing sucks. This is retarded.

Okay.

Um...

Then let me just skip to the chorus.

(VOCALIZING)

Are you messing with me?

This is f***ing gay, Zach!

I wrote the song for you.

- I f***ing hate this.

- Okay, well, I'm kind of

- sensitive right now.

- It doesn't sound good.

Well, if you could just listen

with your heart, that would be...

(GRUNTING) No, no. Stop it! Stop it!

- I said stop it!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa! What are you doing?

- Why did you do that?

- Why are you doing this to me?

What am I doing?

You're the one that's screaming!

I was just playing music.

You know what? You're f***ing with me!

This isn't Snake 85.

- No, I'm solo.

- (BETH SCREAMING)

Beth, calm down.

Okay, just calm down.

- Okay, Beth, calm down.

- (BETH CRYING)

Zach, where are you? Where are you?

I'm right here. I'm right here, okay?

Don't hurt me.

Take me home. Where are we?

Why is it all dark?

- Calm down, sweetie. Calm down.

- Why is it dark?

- (THUDDING)

- Who was that?

Oh.

Jesus. F***, Beth!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Zach.

What's happening to me?

I feel... I feel... (RETCHING)

Help me.

- Help me!

- Okay.

- I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

- Okay, sweetie.

- (BETH SCREAMING)

- You're okay.

Okay.

It's okay. It's okay.

(BETH LAUGHING)

Okay.

(CAR BEEPS)

Just sit down.

- You're sitting down? Everything's cool.

- Everything's cool.

- Everything's cool.

- (SCREAMING)

Jesus! F***, Beth, will you just calm down?

- Where did you go?

- I was just...

I was just going around the car.

- I didn't want you to go away. I felt alone.

- Okay.

- Where did you go?

- Hey, it's okay.

Okay. Hey.

Okay? Better?

- Don't leave me.

- Okay, now I'm gonna go around the car,

but then I'm gonna get inside. Okay?

I'm going around.

I'm going around the car,

so I can get inside. Okay?

(BETH GASPING)

(BETH GROANING)

I don't feel so good.

I feel really dizzy.

Really?

Is that all?

I feel really cold.

Are you hungry?

No, not really. I just feel really cold.

Your... Your window is...

Your window is broken. it won't go up.

You should really get this fixed, Zach.

Someone could totally get in your car

and steal your radio or something.

(TUNING RADIO)

MAN:
(ON RAND) Major distraction

in the downtown...

(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

Here.

(SIGHS)

That's good.

Mmm.

- Are you serious?

- Shh.

I'm listening.

Okay, here we go.

We're gonna go home, okay?

Okay.

(SMOOTH JAZZ PLAYING ON RADIO)

We're gonna have to scale the wall.

Do you think that's something

you could do?

This music...

I feel so warm.

I feel so good.

- Really? It's smooth jazz.

- (BETH MOANING)

It feels like I'm melting.

Come here.

(BOTH MOANING)

Oh, sweetie, your breath!

Hey, let's go inside.

Okay?

Okay. Um...

- I'm gonna go.

- Wait.

- I'll be right back.

- Where are you going?

Wait.

(GRUNTING)

- Did you miss me?

- Uh-huh.

Whoa!

What is that? Is that mud?

(VOICE CHANGES) Do you like it?

Yeah, it's really nice.

Okay. Hey.

- Hey, Beth, no. No, not tonight.

- BETH:
Take this off.

- Not tonight.

- Come on.

ZACH:
No, no, no, no. Okay.

Get off me. Get off me, Beth!

F*** on the ground!

- What are you doing?

- (BETH GRUNTING)

ZACH:
Okay.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Wait, wait. Okay, Beth.

Shut the f*** up.

Shut up, you little b*tch. Shut up.

Okay. No. (WHIMPERING)

Ow! Ow!

F***! F***! Beth!

Get the f*** off me. Get off me.

Get off me. Get the f***... I got to go.

Hey, I got to go. Okay?

Hey, I forgot something in my car.

- What's wrong?

- I forgot something in my car.

(GRUNTING)

(BETH GRUNTING)

Where are you going?

ZACH:
I...

I got to go.

So I'll just call you later.

BETH:
Okay.

Maybe we can go for a hike or something.

(SMOOTH JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)

ZACH:
Oh. Hey.

Yes, sir, how can I help you?

Um, could you change

the radio station, please?

You don't like The Wave?

It's just really stressing me out.

It's smooth jazz. I mean,

it's supposed to have the opposite effect.

- It's supposed to calm you down.

- Well, not with me, man.

So can you just, like,

do something about it?

No one else seems to have a problem.

Zachery Orfman? Sorry.

Yeah?

No, no. I'm sorry.

Um, it's Erica.

Erica Wexler.

Erica.

Hey-

Hey, yeah. Erica Wexler.

My mom was just talking about you.

- Hey.

- Hi. Oh.

Hey, should we hug?

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