Life Begins at Forty Page #3

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a newspaperman's for-

to get out the truth

every once in a while.

I, uh- I think with you, me...

and Del behind him,

he's gonna be all right.

Now, see here.

Don't go so fast about Del.

It's all right about us,

but that girl was entrusted to my care...

and I'm morally responsible for her.

And I'm not a-gonna

bring her into this.

Looks like, uh, the case

has been taken out of your hands.

Well!

I had to tell you.

I'm not a very desirable neighbor.

Mr. Ken offered you a job,

didn't he?

Yes, but he's different.

And he asked you

to live here?

Well, even I couldn't hurt

a reputation like his.

Oh. So you think

my reputation is so shaky...

that being friends with you

would ruin it.

- Oh, I didn't mean that.

- Well, then, don't intimate it.

Do you have to stand up?

Come on! Sing.

Falsetto, Off-key]

Say, you know, you don't get that part

right right in there.

These kids don't-

They sing it too low anyhow.

I didn't even take the pipe

out of my mouth to sing that time.

Well, I knew you had somethin'

in your mouth. Was that was that was?

Is that so? Well, you-

Listen here. You started it. Let's see.

Well, all right.

- That's what I'm talkin' about. Get it higher.

- Higher?

Of course, you've got it

pretty high there...

but you ain't gonna

lick me at that.

Don't tell me about singing.

- My land!

- I should be on that wagon.

Get a crack at that song

out there.

Here, you're just in time.

Open this for me.

Mmm.

- Where's your can opener?

- Over there.

You know,

the American eagle...

ought not to be

our national emblem.

Oughta be a can opener.

- Where is it?

- On the wall.

- I don't see it.

- Here, right In front of you.

Oh, this thing here?

Well, what in the world-

How do you-

The man that invented this thing

was public enemy number one.

I can think of no quicker way

of starvin' this country to death...

than to invent a can opener

that nobody knows how to work.

You know anything

about the thing?

Why, of course.

Here, give it to me.

You men.

You can't do anything.

There.

Well, what do you know

about that now?

Crazy thing did work at that.

Thought you were gonna walk home

from church with Miss Ida.

Well, she went

to the missionary meetin'...

to help feed the heathens.

Americans'll feed everybody

that don't live close to 'em.

Here, make yourself useful.

Put some of these things in that basket.

- Where's Lee?

- Oh, Lee's been primpin' since daylight.

I think he's puttin'

some hair oil on too.

Hey, that's a pretty dress

you got on there. Hmm?

Kind of fancy to be wearin'

to a picnic, ain't it?

- You like it?

- Mm-hmm.

An awfully nice horse

gave it to me.

What do you mean, a horse?

You won't tell?

Well, the other day,

Joe Abercrombie persuaded me...

to bet three dollars

on a horse race in Louisville.

- And the horse won.

- Yeah?

Is Joe, uh, a bettin' man?

- Joe bets almost every day.

- Oh, is that so?

Why, he almost won $30,000

about three years ago.

$30,000?

Mm-hmm. But he said

the race was crooked.

He lost instead.

I hurried just as fast as I could.

But that preacher got off on old folks'

problems, and you know how he is.

Good land. To hear him talk...

you'd think us people of 40

are ready for the boneyard.

Miss Ida, you don't look a day

older than you did 20 years ago.

A little-You've broadened.

Here, use this on him, Miss Ida.

Oh, it doesn't bother me any.

I wouldn't starve myself

to death for anybody.

- I'm sorry I'm late.

- Oh?

Miss Ida says anybody

that eats has to work for it.

Squeeze some orange juice

and put it in a thermos bottle.

Mmm, that looks good.

I'm practically starved.

- Nothin' like a good appetite.

- You always could eat.

My old daddy worked

hisself into the grave...

before he was 50 just tryin'

to make enough to feed us kids on.

Well, I can well believe that.

You don't catch me

workin' that hard.

I've got an electric stove

and a washin' machine and a mixer and-

Why, everything in here

runs by electricity.

All I have to do is just press a button,

and my work's done.

Yeah. With everything

workin' by machinery...

the American born a hundred years from now

won't have any head or arms or legs.

You'll just have a thumb

just to push a button with.

- What? No arms?

- No arms?

- Maybe I'm wrong.

- Give me the good old romantic days.

- Me too.

- You children are livin' in

the greatest age in history...

and you haven't got

sense enough to see it.

Well, one advantage I'll admit. Years ago,

women weren't supposed to have minds.

What do you mean, years ago?

Why, the machine age has given

us women leisure and time to think.

Yeah? Well, what do you think?

Oh! Well,

I think it's about time...

we were gettin' to this picnic

if we're ever going.

Nothing in the world makes me so hungry

as sittin' in church for three hours.

Here, Lee.

Take this thing out to the car.

You all monkeyed around here so long,

I've lost my appetite.

Wait a minute! Hey, hold it!

- Mr. Ken, I know it's none of my business, but-

- What?

These people paying you

with chickens and rabbits-

That's pretty poor pay for writing.

Pretty poor writin' too.

No, it's not.

And I've got an idea...

you can make more money

with this paper.

I should entertain

a proposition like that.

Mr. Ken, let me tackle

these advertisers, will ya?

Sure. I'll tell ya,

I'll make you general manager.

Give you any other title you want.

All right then. The first thing I'm gonna do

is get rid of these loafers.

- I'll begin with T. Watterson Meriwhether.

- Hey, hey. Old T?

Can't get along without old T.

He's one of the best antiques

we've got in this town.

You know, he solved a problem

that all the world...

outside of China, is searchin' for.

- What's that?

- How to relax.

He certainly has.

Why, it just quiets my nerves

just to look at him.

He's not relaxed.

He's asleep.

Well, he-

He does 'em both alike anyhow.

Hey, hey. Come on.

Wake up. It's gettin' late.

Come on here!

Wake up! Wake up!

Get on home here.

Come on. Gonna close up.

Go on home

and do your relaxin'.

It's gettin' dark.

Must've dropped off for a minute.

Yeah, you certainly did.

You've been asleep here for a long time.

- Well, good night.

- Good night.

Hey, wait a minute. You better take

this flashlight with you here...

so you can see your way home.

Thanks, Kenesaw.

I'll return this to you tomorrow...

if I don't get tied up.

- Good night, gentlemen.

- Good-

- Good night, gentlemen.

- Good night.

Pleasant dreams, Colonel.

Why don't you turn on your lights?

What's the matter with ya?

- That's disgusting.

- Drunk again.

He oughta be locked up.

Well, good day, gentlemen.

What can I do for you?

Clark, I want a word

with you in private.

Private? Anything

you wanna say to me...

you can say it before this-

my partner here.

- I'll step outside a minute.

- No, you won't. You'll stay right here. What is it?

We think, that in taking this young man

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