Life Begins at Forty Page #6

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like this, meetin' on every corner.

It's gettin' so I can't turn a corner

here in town without runnin' onto you.

I propose that we settle this

Like gentlemen settle anything- with a duel.

- As the challenged party-

- Wait a minute.

You're the one challenged me.

I'm the one to name the weapons.

- As you wish, sir.

- All right. I'll name pistols.

And we'll meet in the old grove

at daylight.

- At your service, sir.

- At your service.

- Good day, Mr. Kenesaw Clark.

- Good day, Colonel Abercrombie.

Now, you're my second.

If anything happens

and I shouldn't be able to show up-

- Good day, Mr. Clark.

- Wait a minute here. Come here.

I'm gonna meet that old bird,

and I'm gonna fight him.

And when I get through,

you're gonna be runnin' on both tickets.

Well, I guess we can handle it.

- You sent for me, Mr. Clark?

- Yeah.

Say, are you still triflin'

with the affections...

of that girl over there

at Colonel Abercrombie's?

I'm not trifling.

- Is she trifling with you?

- Yes- Uh, no, s-

- I don't think so.

- Mm-hmm.

- You're both serious, huh?

- Why, ye-

No. No-Yes, sir.

Do you think you could get her

to do somethin' for ya?

Oh, sure.

My Olga'll do anything for me.

Practically.

Here. Here's what I want you

to get her to do.

Now these old bullets

won't kill anybody.

- You through yet?

- Almost.

Look, Olga. When he shoots 'em now,

all they'll do is just go-

But hurry. He may come back.

Okay, okay.

Olg, are you triflin' with me?

- Oh, Chris!

- It's a good thing.

Oh.

- Howdy, Ken. We're all ready.

- Let's go, Doc.

Hurry up there, T.

Come on.

Let's see that gun here.

I wanna be sure that all those are blanks.

I'll bet the colonel's scared speechless

right this minute.

I think that's him coming now.

- Are you all set, T?

- I'm set.

Now, listen here.

Keep your eyes open now.

And the minute I shoot,

you get busy with these tomatoes.

Don't worry. I'll be ready.

- You know what you're supposed to do?

- Yes, sir. There's the can.

- Run over there, and be quiet.

- Here's your gun.

Stand back.

Nice shootin', Ken.

Oh, well, hello, Colonel.

I didn't know you was here.

I was just doin' a little practicin'.

W-W-Whenever you're ready, sir.

I'm ready now.

Is Joe acting for you?

- He is, sir.

- Well, Lee here is acting for me.

Charlie is the referee, and the doctor here

will give you any aid possible.

Well, he won't be needed for me.

- I wouldn't take that coat off if I was you.

- Why?

'Cause it's awful hard to get it

back onto a man when he's layin' down.

We'll see.

Are you ready, gentlemen?

- I'm ready.

- I'm re-

- I'm ready.

- Six paces, I believe.

- Yeah.

- Remember, six paces- turn and fire.

Ready? Go!

You both missed, gentlemen. Ready again, please.

- Alm.

- W-W-Wait a minute.

Wait just a minute.

Just a minute here.

This thing ain't workin' out

just exactly like I figured it would.

Somethin' radically wrong here.

Now, here, I wanna talk to you about this.

You didn't take

the right number of paces.

- You mean to insinuate that I'm cheating?

- I'm not insinuating!

I'm simply telling you to stay awake!

And watch what you're doing!

- Don't you yell at me!

- I'll yell at you! I want you to stay awake!

I am awake! I am awake!

Pig!

- Stay awake and watch what you're doin'!

- Yeah! Yeah!

Ready? Go!

Kenesaw, y-you got me.

Well, I didn't mean to.

I was shootin' at your leg.

- I forgive you.

- That's mighty fine of you, Colonel.

Gentlemen, remember me like this.

Honor- Honor above self.

Stop it! They're making a fool of you!

Oh, Son, don't laugh

at your poor, dying father.

Doctor, I'll bet ya this is the first case...

you've lost in the neighborhood

by tomatoes.

Huh? Tomatoes?

Joe, this is gonna be a great story

for both our papers.

Why, you-

Colonel Abercrombie Shot

by Ripe Tomato"! Extra!

Here you are! Read all about It!

Colonel Abercromble shot with tomato!

- Read all about it here! Extra!

- Huh? Why, you-

What? Hey, come back here with those papers!

- Come back here!

Come back here with those papers!

Wait a minute here.

Did it hurt ya? Huh?

What happened anyhow?

I guess I must've been cuttin'

on the wrong limb.

Give me that knife.

- Boy, that's a pip.

- How do you like this one?

- You dirty rat!

- Hey!

- Hey, Lee, quit that!

- Aw, cut it out!

Here, here, here, here.

What's this all about?

I don't know. He just came in here

and piled into me.

And if you ever print another thing

like that about Miss Anderson, I'll be back!

You will, eh?

You'll come with me.

You've caused enough trouble

In this town.

I'll put you where

you can cool off.

- We'd better phone Kenesaw.

- Ken's outta town.

- He is?

- Left day before yesterday. I'll phone Ida.

- Hey, there.

- Oh, hello, Del.

You certainly picked

a fine time to be out of town.

Yeah. A fellow down at the depot

told me all about Lee acting up.

We had a terrible time.

If it hadn't been for Miss Ida...

- he might've had to stay in jail all night.

- It'd have done him good.

- Maybe it'd have cooled him off.

- It was all my fault.

As if anything Joe Abercrombie said

could matter.

- You kinda like Lee, don't ya?

- Yes.

But he's the stubbornest,

most contrary person I ever met.

What are you gonna do about it?

That's what I wanna

talk to you about.

I thought he was going to be all right,

but now, after being in jail again...

he's more stubborn than ever.

It's too bad.

I'm no matchmaker.

But just suppose

you were a matchmaker.

I'm no man to do any supposin'.

What are you,

arrivin' at that stage...

where you, uh, think that

washin' dishes is romantic?

Well, I lie awake nights

thinking about darning his socks.

Well, I ain't got any advice

to the lovelorn...

but I've noticed that no man

ever popped the question...

unless the lady

led her ace first.

Well, I've done everything

but threaten him with a shotgun.

Sometimes you have

to shoot 'em first.

Hey. Hey. Hey. Duck behind that.

Maybe we can find out

what his intentions are.

Hello.

Young man, looks to me...

like I can't go to the woodpile and back

without you gettin' all messed up.

I wasn't gonna let Joe Abercrombie

or anybody else talk about Del.

Don't you know there's ways

of winnin' a battle without fightin'?

I'm sorry.

He had it comin' to him.

Well, I feel mighty bad

about the fight...

and me not seein' it.

It seems like everything I do

turns out wrong.

- I just saw Del.

- Yeah?

Yeah. She's, uh, kinda talkin'

about gettin' married.

- Married?

- Mm-hmm.

Funny thing, I always, uh, kinda figured

you two would hit it off.

Oh, how could I ask her to marry me?

Wouldn't be fair.

What's fairness got to do

with marryin'?

Aw, I wish I'd never

come back to this town.

Would you feel any different

if I was to tell you...

that within 24 hours,

your name would be cleared?

What? Well, how do you know?

- Tell me. But-

- Now, don't get all excited now.

- Just leave it to me, and it's fixed.

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