Life Is Sweet Page #7

the day time do they when no one's in?

Anyway you don't need

a bloke to have a kid

Well I wouldn't fancy

bringing one up on me own

Well it's better to be on your

own than be with a bastard

Well presumably you wouldn't choose a bastard

in the first place if you had any sense

All men are

bastards

What?

They're all

potential rapists

That's a bit

sweeping

All men have got

the ability to rape

Well they don't

all do it do they?

If they've got the ability

they've got the desire

That's paranoid

rubbish

What do you know

about paranoia?

Well not half as much as you do

I'll give you that

You'll find out when

you get to America

I'm only going

on a holiday

So?

What? you think I'm going to get yanked off the

plane at J.F.K. airport and be raped and pillaged do you?

You've got to be

on your guard

Did you hear

what I just said?

What?

Yanked

Get it?

What?

Yanked

America

Racist

There's another

bloody couple coming

N..Yeahp

Yeah they're

coming this way

Definetly

Do you want me

to tell Paula again?

Yeah

action stations

No

Sh*t

F***ing yuppies

They went

straight past

Oh did they?

Oh perhaps they

weren't hungry

Where's Pauline?

She's sitting on

your work surface

Is she?

Yeah she's picking

Right

Don't sit up

there Pauline

It's unhygenic

Cross infection

These stocks are

reducing nicely

Secret of a

great sauce

Is a well

reduced stock

No stock

no sauce

Keys to the door

You're working

with a genius

Do you

know that?

I'm not just a

wanker y'know

I could teach

you things

You've never

even dreamed of

I'm a magician

I want a drink

Well there's plenty of orange

juice in there, help yourself

I want

some wine

I can't have

you getting drunk

Kitchen's a very

dangerous place

She's got wine

Me and Wendy

We go back

a long way

Y'know

I'm a friend

of the family

Classic nose

Here you are

Here

What you

think of this?

What you

got there?

Lets have

a look

A pocket telly

Yeah

Have a look?

Feel free

That's good

isn't it

Yeah neat

There we go

Leave it out

You fool

Eh seen these?

Give us it, give us back

How much do you

want for that then?

I could

Let you have

it half price

A hundred knicker

Yeah nice

isn't it

Yeah

Be tasty on the

salad wagon

Wouldn't it?

Nah

can't afford it

What about

that hundred?

What hundred?

That hundred you

never gave me

Y'know

If someone had turned up

with that twenty five years ago

Instead of a

bloody martian

You would have to

beleive them wouldn't you?

Yeah yeah

So you don't

want it?

No Patsy I

don't want it

I don't want

anything

Mean bastard

Come on you

bastards

I'm open

I'm ready, I'm waiting for you

this is what you've all been waiting for

Come and

get it

Fish wifes

Footballers

You English

d*ckhead

You can stick to your fish and chips

go on, go and get cancer

Thousand pounds

Ten thousand pounds

Go on mate

cook him

You working

class morons

Go and eat your

own sh*t go on

That is enough

No more

Right?

'cause you're

being a naught boy

Marry me Wendy

What?

I want to

marry you

Now stop it

Aubrey stop it

get off

I love you

Y'know

Now don't

be stupid, right?

I'm already married

I'm married to Andy

I love Andy

he's my best friend

Yeah well we're very fond

of you now you know that

I don't care, I don't care

if you're married to Andy

You can still marry me you

just don't have to tell him

Now stop it right

now sit down

Sit down

What're

you doing?

Get off me

Aubrey stop

it now

I want to f***

you Wendy

Now stop talking

like that

Now just stop it right, because

Andy won't let me come here again

Do you hear me?

he won't

I worship the

ground you walk on

Now look you're bending down

that means you're going to be sick

I kiss

your feet

Well there might be a little bit of doggy on me shoes

right, and you're not going to like that so get up

Nicola

What?

Oh Nicola

Nicola's not here right

she's at home saving the world

Now look you've got

vodka all down you're suit

and that's your best suit

you've bought for tonight, right?

Sit down -

I don't want it

I don't want it -

What?

Sit down -

I want Andy to have this

Andy doesn't

want it

Yeah he's a poor man -

Andy's got a suit

No he can wear it in

the f***ing stupid caravans

Now stop that

Behave yourself

He can have the suit

'cause he's all scruffy

What're you doing?

I'm going to give him the suit -

Leave your trousers on Aubrey

Aubrey leave

your trousers on

Behave yourself and

leave your trousers on

I love him

and Nicky

I tell you what

What're you

doing now?

You're going

to fall

No I'm not drunk right

I'm not drunk

Aubrey stop it

Now behave yourself right

you're being silly

Aubrey

Aubrey will

you stop it

Now you're behaving

like an idiot listen to me

#no regrets#

No you don't

do any more, no

#no regret rien no#

#no regrets#

#no regret#

Blimey

Shame though

isn't it

Come on Paula

we're going

Oh look

at me

Oh that's alright he'll

find them there in the morning

Oh what

a night

I tell you

what

Never again

What a mistake

It's alright he's only asleep

he's not dead

There's no need to

be frightened

I'm not frightened

Eh?

Nothing to be

frightened of

Alright

Is this your little coat

and here's your bag

Now how're you

getting home?

Eh?

Bus

Right got

you're fare?

Where's your little

purse?in here?

Where's your

cigarettes?

In the pocket

Right come

on then

What's a matter?

eh?

We're going

for chips

Who's going for chips? -

Me and Aubrey

Aubrey's in a coma

he doesn't want any chips

Well he'll be hungry

when he wakes up won't he

It stands to

reason

Alright I'll

buy you chips

I don't want

no chips

Alright well I

won't buy you chips

Come on Paula

Look I tell you what

take your hat off

and put your coat on

we don't want to frighten people do we?

Oh Nicola

Oh blimey

hark at him

Look I tell

you what

I'll run you

to the bus-stop, ok?

Paula

Are you coming

with me?

Stopping here

You can't

stop here

Please Paula

Come on

Blinking heck

Andy

Andy

What?

Oh blimey

what're you doing?

Tidying up

You're not having

no lager

Get us a

lager Nat

You must be joking

You've had enough lager for tonight right

blooming lager lout, now get up the stairs

What're you doing? -

There's somebody at the door

There's nobody at the

door that's you

Listen you'll have Irene banging on the wall again -

What do you want? who is it

Where's the lager?

In the fridge

Get up the stairs -

Alright alright

Look at the

state of you

You've got your best trousers on

you've got your new shoes

Now what?

what're you doing?

Can you shut the caravan door? -

I've shut the caravan door

Are you going to be sick?

Don't you be sick on me Andy

Nicola shut the

caravan door

No

Brown, Baker

Henry

How did it

go tonight?

Terrible if you must know

Why?

I'll tell you later, no Andy no

get in that toilet and do a wee

Blimey look

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