Like Father Like Son Page #6

- Not nearly as much as l do.

You're ruining my life!

Just look at you!

l have got the living sh*t beat

out of me, and it is your fault!

No, you've got the sh*t

beat out of me!

You are screwing up my life, mister!

And l can kiss

that chief-of-staff job goodbye!

l have had it with you, pal!

Tomorrow morning, the woman from

Northwestern has to interview me...

...to get you into a medical program,

and look how l look.

Why don't you leave me alone

and let me lead my own life.

You've never let me lead my own life!

How can you lead your own life?

You can't even lead my life!

- Oh, hi.

- Uncle Earl. You found Uncle Earl.

- He's got the antidote.

- Oh, thank God.

He doesn't exactly

have the antidote with him.

- Trigger.

- But he knows where it grows...

...so l guess we're going

on a little trip.

Hey, Earl. How close are we

to this carrot root?

- Taro root.

- How close?

Real close.

Real close, how close?

Well, maybe not absolutely close.

- Where, damn it?

- Death Valley.

- ls this taro root?

- No, that's piccoli cacti.

Taro root is brown.

- Oh, how about this one?

- No. Sand rot.

Taro root is tiny.

Hey, l think l got something.

lt's brown and tiny.

That's curler snake.

Looks just like taro root.

Earl, forget the fire.

Help us look for this root.

Need the fire.

We got some cooking to do.

You're going to mix

this stuff out here?

You yaboos are in a hurry...

- ...to get out of each other?

- Yeah.

l do have an interview

with Northwestern tomorrow.

- Hey, you want to go back or not?

- Yes.

You see how easy it is

to let school slide.

- Root.

- Right.

- Brown and tiny! ls this it?

- Jackpot.

Hey, great going, Chris.

- Now, everybody squat.

- Earl.

Squat, squat.

l'm sorry, Earl, l don't squat.

Squat.

Now, everybody settle.

This is just us and the desert.

Let all your worldly cares

just blow away.

- Let the wind just clean you out.

- Skip the mumbo jumbo. Let's get to it.

- This is it.

- Well, l feel damn silly.

Yeah, well, we're all damn silly

in the desert and in the world.

Whether we know it or not

or whether we like it or not.

Okay. Here we go.

Cheers.

Sometimes it takes a while.

Mumbo jumbo. Damn.

Sh*t.

What does ''sh*t'' mean, Earl?

lt means they've put up some

confusing signs on this highway.

- Well, haven't we got any maps?

- Sure. Here.

Plenty.

Hey, there's a gas station

or something.

Great. Great, Earl.

ls anybody here?

- Let's get back on the bus.

- Excellent idea.

- Earl?

- Somebody's in trouble.

One person in trouble, Earl.

Let's not make it a bus full.

Doc, you better get in here.

lt's the perfect crime. l kill him...

- ...you go to jail for it.

- l'm beginning to love it out here.

We've got a doctor.

The lady's having a baby.

- How long has she been in labor?

- Hell, two, three hours, l guess.

- But we need a doctor.

- Get some towels...

- ...and some fresh water, Mr...

- Freemont.

- Thank you, kid, but l need a doctor.

- You've got a doctor.

- Who is this kid?

- He's the doctor.

Oh, sh*t. This is crazy.

Come here, help me hold her head.

Hold her head, Freemont.

Help me out here, please.

There you go. lt's okay. lt's okay.

lt's all right. lt's okay.

Hang on, hang on.

- A little young, aren't you?

- Not as young as you think.

- What's your name?

- Corky.

Corky, is this your first?

- l've got a son.

- Good, l do too.

Got the water.

l got the water. No towels.

- Do you have any newspapers, then?

- Nope. Nope.

- There's some on the bus.

- l got it. l got it. l got it.

Now, hold her head.

Make her comfortable.

Everything is going just fine.

Push. Push hard like you want this

baby out of you and into this world.

That's it. Push. l know it hurts.

Doc, l got them!

l got them, doc, l got them.

- Lifestyle section.

- Bring them over.

Push. Chris, come on.

That's it, that's it.

That's it. Come on, Chris.

Come on.

That's it, that's it, that's it.

Chris, come here.

Get around back of me

and watch this.

Here it comes.

That's it. That's it. That's it.

All right.

All right, now push harder.

That's it. That's it, push.

Chris. Chris, look at this.

Damn, this is-

Push, push. Damn, is this

something or what? Chris.

Chris, can you see this?

That's it. Here it comes.

l haven't done this in years,

and it still gets me. Chris.

- Chris- Earl?

- l'll take care of him.

There.

We've got a boy.

You're gonna make one hell

of a doctor when you grow up, boy.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah.

All right.

What do you say we celebrate

the kid's birthday and ditch school?

l've got Chris' interview at 10:00.

We should just make that.

- Good luck. l'm going home.

- No.

You're going to the hospital

to make an acceptance speech...

...as the new chief of staff.

Then you go home.

Chief of staff of a major

medical facility, grounded.

Oh, Dr. Armbruster.

- Larry. God-

- Hi, Jack. Didn't mean to wake you.

No. No, you didn't.

l was just catching up

on a little shuteye.

l had a rough night.

So l heard.

You heard?

l wanted to drop by and have

a chat with you...

...before the board meets.

l'll give it to you straight.

l'm supporting someone else

for chief of staff.

No, please. Oh, God, please.

This isn't happening.

Larry. Dr. Armbruster, l mean-

You're making a terrible mistake.

My father, he-

l want this more than l can tell you.

l mean, it's the most

important thing in my life.

l mean, l love medicine. l love blood.

Jack, nobody's doubting

your sincerity.

l admire the way you said,

''Screw the insurance.''

Please, you don't understand.

l mean, chief of staff.

lt's what my father's worked

for and slaved for. lt's all he has left.

- l didn't realize your father's still alive.

- He won't be for long. This'll kill him.

Jack. Buck up, Jack.

Jack, it's all right, now.

You're still my guy.

Come on down to the boardroom,

and we'll start the meeting.

What-? What-?

Where would the Northwestern

interview be?

Guidance office, second floor.

Hurry up, doc.

You're 15 minutes late.

Run, doc. lt's okay.

- Guidance counselor's office.

- End of the hall.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. Oh, God.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

l'm sorry. l'm sorry. l can't tell you-

l'm terribly sorry. You all right?

l was sliding. l was out of control.

l'm Dr. Jack Hammond.

l'm late for an appointment.

Hi, Jack. Janice Stenfield,

Northwestern University.

l just want to know one thing.

What would possess you

to fool around with my wife?

l did not screw your wife!

l was airborne.

l was out of control.

What?

l'm back.

Oh, my God, l'm back!

Oh, l'm back.

And l wanna be a doctor.

This is me. lt's me.

Yes, indeed. Dance with me.

Here l am,

and l wanna be a doctor.

l wanna be a doctor.

- l wanna be a doc-

- What?

What? l wanna be a doctor.

l wanna be a doctor.

But, Jack. Jack, you are a doctor.

Yes. l- What?

- Just found out l won't be chief of staff.

- You're not even in medical school yet.

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