Lilting Page #5

what would have happened

if I had driven him.

'Cause he... I offered,

but he liked to take the bus.

I know you miss him.

I don't know what to do.

I miss him tremendously.

I didn't strangle Kai with guilt.

It was always there.

You will feel it as your parents age

and so will your children when you age.

These memories are all I have,

I need to keep them vivid

or they'll fade,

like the face of my husband.

Like any mother,

I wanted Kai to be with me.

I want to dwell on these memories

and cry over them because they

comfort me.

Let me tell you something.

Through plenty of crying,

I've learnt to be content

that I won't always be happy,

secure in my loneliness,

hopeful that I will be able to cope.

Every year on Christmas Day

I get very lonely.

An incredible feeling of solitude.

On this day, everything has stood still,

even the trees have stopped rustling,

but I'm still moving, I want to move,

but I have nothing to move to,

and nowhere to go.

The scars beneath my skin

suddenly surface and I get scared.

Scared of being alone.

But you know

tomorrow is another day.

I will carry on with my life.

What's wrong?

Would you like to come for

dinner tomorrow?

Yes, absolutely.

Could you cook?

Sure.

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